JUST FOR LAUGHS

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The fi­nal fix

I can’t tell the dif­fer­ence between a rose and a dan­de­lion. So when it came time to fix up my gar­den, I had no clue which plants to keep and which ones to re­move. Un­til, that is, my mother gave me this handy tip: “Pull them all up. If it comes back, it’s a weed.”

The worst part

My two daugh­ters were dis­cussing the less than de­sir­able phys­i­cal at­tributes they had in­her­ited from their fa­ther. The older one: “I hate my freck­les from Dad.” Her un­sym­pa­thetic younger sis­ter: “At least you got his freck­les. I got his eye­brow.”

Healthy ad­vice

Peo­ple’s par­ents ac­tu­ally give them sage ad­vice, like “Do what you love, and the money will follow” or “The early bird gets the worm.” All I re­mem­ber is “Don’t fill up on bread.”

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