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Call the whole thing off

My five-year-old, Matt, worked with a speech ther­a­pist on the ch sound, which came outk. The ther­a­pist asked him to say chicken. He re­sponded with kitchen. They tried again and again, but it al­ways came out kitchen. Un­de­terred, she pushed him for one more try. Matt sighed and said, “Why don’t we just call it a duck?”

11-year-old’s dream

My 11-year-old grand­son spent a beau­ti­ful Satur­day play­ing video games. His older sis­ter tried coax­ing him out­side by warn­ing, “Some­day, you’re go­ing to be 30 years old, sin­gle, and liv­ing in Mom’s base­ment play­ing video games all day!” His re­ply: “I can only dream.”

Time trav­eller

When I bought beer at the gro­cery store, the clerk asked for my birth­date. I said, “10-3-60.” Her next ques­tion: “Is that ‘19’ 60?”

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