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Se­cu­rity Sys­tem

When a neigh­bour’s home was bur­glarised, I de­cided to be more safety con­scious. But my measly front-door lock wasn’t go­ing to stop any­one, so I hung this sign out­side: “Nancy, don’t come in. The snake is loose. Mom.”

Red Light

I had just pulled over some­one for driv­ing un­der the in­flu­ence when an­other car pulled up be­hind us. I stopped what I was do­ing and ven­tured back to see if the driver needed as­sis­tance. “No, I don’t need any help,” he said, reek­ing of booze. Then, point­ing to the flash­ing cherry top on the roof of my cruiser, he con­tin­ued, “I just stopped for the red light.”

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