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Speed­ing Ex­cuse

A police of­fi­cer at­tempts to stop a car for speed­ing and the guy grad­u­ally in­creases his speed un­til he’s top­ping 100 mph. The man even­tu­ally re­alises he can’t escape and fi­nally pulls over. The cop ap­proaches the car and says, “It’s been a long day and my shift is al­most over, so if you can give me a good ex­cuse for your be­hav­iour, I’ll let you go.” The guy thinks for a few sec­onds and then says, “My wife ran away with a cop about a week ago. I thought you might be that of­fi­cer try­ing to give her back!”

Take that mon­key to the Zoo

A boy with a mon­key on his shoul­der was walk­ing down the road when he passed a po­lice­man who said, “Now, now young lad, I think you had bet­ter take that mon­key the zoo.” The next day, the boy was walk­ing down the road with the mon­key on his shoul­der again, when he passed the same po­lice­man. The po­lice­man said, “Hey there, I thought I told you to take that mon­key to the zoo!” The boy an­swered, “I did! To­day I’m tak­ing him to the cin­ema.”

Pure ac­ci­dent

“Johnny, why did you kick your brother in the stom­ach?” ex­claimed the an­gry mother. “It was pure ac­ci­dent, Mama. He turned around.”

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