Tips on How to Sur­vive your Grog Ses­sion

mailife - - Contents -

No se­vu­sevu

If you have no se­vu­sevu look for that old jersey saraga that your cousin from the Bri­tish Army sent to you (don’t cry its just a bloody jersey, the Vanua and com­pany is more im­por­tant). Give the jersey to the owner of the house and no one will give you the bad eyes for not con­tribut­ing to the mix. Or when the taxi takes off just bluff kind run af­ter the cab and pre­tend you for­got the grog and BH10 in the back seat – make sure ev­ery­one knows your dis­ap­point­ment of the lost $30 grog. They will taki you the full bowl now be­cause they feel your pain (but don’t know your shame..lol)

Kara but no paisa

Tuki the kosa, again.. and again.. and again. If fin­ish ga, vosota go to sleep.. an­other day to­mor­row.

Let it rip

When in the mid­dle of your ses­sion and you want to fart just do it 2bags style and give them ad­vance warn­ing and let it rip. The old method of cough and fart is not 100% full proof – be­cause what comes out the back is usu­ally louder if you cough ha­ha­haha!. But re­mem­ber this doesn’t work well with the cheches around.

Burned on Face­book

In this age of tech­nol­ogy one has to be very care­ful not to noka at the ses­sion. So if a friend of yours posted your noka pix on face­book with saliva drool­ing down your face and you can­not un­tagg your self – just wait for the next grog ses­sion but this time host it. But re­quest all to place phones in a bas­ket so there is no anti so­cial be­hav­ior, if they don’t then send them home, but aim for the fala who put you on face­book with bowls from the bot­tom, when he noka now take his pho­tos, post it and tag all the cheches in your net­work.

Step­ping the ses­sion

There are a few tested meth­ods which has worked for 2bags and all his friends for years, but you have to vary the com­bi­na­tion in ev­ery ses­sion.

Spi­der­man style

When you en­ter the venue and if you learn that they all hold the world record belts in their yasayasa then you must plan ahead. Leave your flip flops or shoes in the near­est bush to the drive­way. Once you have had it, just pre­tend to go wee-wee and oooooowi­iii… make a run for it, but don’t for­get to pick up your footwears.

Tech­nol­ogy style

You are sit­ting at a ses­sion and you have a feel­ing you will throw up soon or just can­not take it any­more, since you have for­got­ten the spi­der­man prepa­ra­tions – then you must use tech­nol­ogy. Set your phone alarm to ring in 10-15 min­utes time, but re­mem­ber when you pre­tend to an­swer try to look con­cerned with your eye­balls al­most fall­ing out from your face. Af­ter you have done that tell the group that your child fell off the bed or some­one kicked your dog and you have to rush home.

That’s your tips to get you through April – All the best!! BTW heard Serevi will be next 7s as­sis­tant coach! Happy April Fools day and Taki!!

2BAGS

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