mailife - - 2bags -

July is awe­some for many rea­sons. For one the cold sea­son is guar­an­teed to keep your man and your woman home and in­doors af­ter hours. Sec­ond, chil­dren will not stay out too late in the af­ter­noons due to the cold – but be­ware this is also the “no bath” sea­son eh! So be sure to al­ways keep that in check might the bed bugs mul­ti­ply. And thirdly, it means a change in the fam­ily diet at home to suit the cold weather. But 2bags has an in­ter­est­ing the­ory. He says 9-months af­ter ev­ery July there is a baby boom in Fiji. He reck­ons it’s due to the dis­tant of the moon from the earth at this time of the year, which causes the cold spell and makes hu­mans say I LOVE YOU over 10 times at night when in bed with their spouse or part­ner…. Sa rauta me baby boom!! But on an­other note, for the gro­ga­na­tion loyal fol­low­ers Cold July brings out the 2nd phase of the “Keep it In and Keep­ing it Tight”. These guys are leg­ends, they do not let an op­por­tu­nity for a mix pass – or rather they just make an ex­cuse to mix, like if Bill was born in De­cem­ber but when guests ar­rive they will say “to­day we cel­e­brat­ing Bill’s birth­day with a mix.” And the rest is his­tory. But Cold July calls for more plan­ning and prepa­ra­tion and could be to the ad­van­tage of those who hate a sur­prise mix. Here are your tips to sur­vive the July ses­sion.


Re­mem­ber the time when as kids you used to test each other on who can with­stand the cold and come to school with no jacket or cardi­gan and stay out­doors the late? Don’t try this in July es­pe­cially around the grog sesh – or you will wake up next morn­ing and feel like an ice truck ran over you. Some have re­lated to 2bags their bad ex­pe­ri­ence from the out­doors ses­sion in July – some things would get numb while other things would come alive from the down there…!! Or the even the wrong words ut­tered be­cause the elec­tronic pulses from the brain de­tours to other parts of the body in­stead of to the tongue and mouth. Now is the time to move the bat­tle zone in­doors, cover up your porch, or set up your sit­ting room or even your bed room. Dim the lights to set the mood and en­sure ven­ti­la­tion is just right.


Re­mem­ber that cold jacket you threw away some­where in your bed­room last Au­gust? Now is the time to go look for it again plus that pom­pom that fits al­ways in your back pocket. These are the things you take with you ev­ery day just in case you can’t get one sided and get that in­vite you – but when you ar­rive at the scene you find out its on a porch.


This month is where those who al­ways eat be­fore the “sit down” are the ones who sur­vive or last the long­est. Be­cause the cold takes a lot out of ya. One tip just to avoid those last minute call ups – move your chow time to 4pm… ha­ha­haa! This means you are al­ways ready.


This is the only kind of mix that will sat­isfy your souls in this weather. Keep it short, keep it sweet and keep the mix up to that lethal sosoko kind. If it’s any­thing else … than be pre­pared to visit the loo nu­mer­ous times and keep the TP in sup­ply for the ladies. Hav­ing that sosoko mix also en­sures you are in bed with your lady or man with am­ple time to say I LOVE YOU many times be­fore you move on to Lalala Land.

Now keep it bliss­ful, keep it warm, keep it in­doors but most of all keep it sosoko this July.

Taki meda funky!

*PS … These meth­ods have been tested and re-tested over many hours.

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from Fiji

© PressReader. All rights reserved.