Stabroek News Sunday

He is verbally abusive when he drinks

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Dear Minerva, I am a 17-year-old girl with a huge problem.

I have been with my boyfriend for about 4 months. He is the same age. I really love him. He is very cute and has everything I am looking for in a guy

Things were so great at first, but about a month ago, I don't know what happened; he suddenly changed. I always knew that he drank, but now it is to an extent that is scary. And when he drinks he is abusive.

He has never hit me, but he curses me and calls me bad names for no reason. The first time it happened, I was so shocked, I ran home and cried. The next day he called and said sorry and promised that it would never happen again. It has happened three times again.

Worse than that, because I recognised that it happens when he drinks, I took the opportunit­y to tell him that he should stop drinking or at least ease up. I talked to him in the morning while he was sober and he was mad at me. It grew into an argument and guess what, more cursing and nasty low talk.

I eventually went and complained to his aunty and she told me he had bad habits from his father because he grew up without a mother and he needs love and patience from me.

Well I am willing to be patient if he would at least try, but I think since I talked to him he is drinking more often now – even during the week instead of just at weekend.

Minerva, what can I do? I really love this guy. He is my first and I hope he will be my forever. How can I get him off of this nasty habit?

Hurt

Dear Hurt, Unfortunat­ely, there is nothing else you can do to stop your boyfriend from drinking. You have already given it a shot. He has to want to stop and from what I have read, that is not about to happen any time soon.

My guess is that he has not changed, he was always this way. He just pretended until he felt comfortabl­e with you and then he went back to what is natural for him.

There are many boys who grew up without their mothers, who have not turned out the way your boyfriend has. Admittedly, if his father is drinking with him and encouragin­g him to drink then that is a bad influence. But your boyfriend is 17, not 7. He is old enough to have a mind of his own.

If at only four months into this relationsh­ip things are this bad, you should not expect them to get better. My advice to you would be to get out of this relationsh­ip. You have to love yourself more than you love this boy. If you stay and have ‘patience’ with the abuse being meted out to you it is going to get much worse.

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