He smokes

Dear Minerva,

I need your help. I am 18 years old and I am working. My job isn’t really one that I like but I need it because I live in a single parent family and I am the only one working.

My problem is, there is this guy who I like or I think I do. I’m not sure whether it’s a material attachment or feelings. I mean I know guys these days only want one thing and I’m not ready to give that. This guy has never been demanding or any of the sort. He is 24 by the way. He has always tried to satisfy my wants.

But my problem is he smokes. He doesn’t do it around me, but the fact that he does it is my problem. He promised to stop and he has but I’m afraid he will start again.

Sometimes he doesn’t have money and he asks me for money and I feel bad saying no. He works and he is very big- hearted.

But I feel like all men are the same and he will turn out just like my father because I have been hurt before. Please tell me what I should do. Afraid Dear Afraid,

As if cigarettes aren’t bad enough, I do get the sense when you say ‘he smokes’ that you are referring to some sort of illegal narcotic. If that is the case, please run like hell in the opposite direction far away from this guy.

If you did a little research, you would find out that it’s not that easy to stop smoking narcotics, users are required to spend a period in rehab.

If you are the sole bread-winner in a single-parent home, then you cannot afford to be giving the money you work for to someone who ‘smokes’. Incidentally, if as you say he is ‘satisfying your material wants’ then isn’t he taking it back when he asks you for money?

You need to put an end to this ASAP and in future whatever it is you are working for, try and make it fit your needs. Do not form what you are calling ‘material attachments’ with men. It just never ends well.