SILENCE BROKEN打破沉默

Small Talk explores a taboo topic that’s loomed large over the director’s personal life. By KEVIN MA導演黃惠偵藉《日常對話》來面對私人生活中一個重大的禁忌。撰文:馬樂民

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FOR MANY FAMILIES, the dinner table is about more than sharing meals; it’s a space for communication. For director Huang Hui-chen, the dinner table is where she had one of the most important conversations of her life.

The first Taiwanese film to win a LGBTIQ-themed Teddy Award at the Berlin International Film Festival, Small Talk is a documentary about Huang’s mother A-nu, a lesbian and a Taoist priestess who presides over funerals. Although mother and daughter live under the same roof, their relationship is one of silence and superficial acknowledgement of each other’s presence. Huang picked up the camera in hope of mending their relationship – but don’t expect a warm and fuzzy film.

Huang has the advantage of full access to her subject. The cameras show A-nu at work and at home with Huang’s young daughter, and they even capture interviews with A-nu’s girlfriends, both past and present. Conversations about A-nu’s sexuality are mostly casual and at times humorous. The only obstacles appear when Huang interviews A-nu’s siblings, who vehemently refuse to talk about A-nu’s sexuality even though they imply that they’re accepting of it.

The toughest conversations in the film happen in Huang’s home, when she asks her mother about her place in society, how she raised her children and her marriage to an abusive husband who she left two decades ago. The film’s most intense moment comes when Huang finally reveals the secret that drove her to make the film. A-nu remains the strong, silent type through the scene, but the tears she sheds speak louder than words.

On screen, A-nu seems baffled and even annoyed about being in front of the camera. Fortunately, Huang says that A-nu liked the film so much that she asked for free tickets so that she could show it to her friends. Making Small Talk may have been an emotionally painful ordeal, but it was an act of catharsis and reconciliation that was over two decades in the making.

對很多家庭來說,餐桌不單是一家人共享食物的地方,也是一個溝通交流的空間。對導演黃惠偵而言,餐桌更是她進行一場人生中最重要的對話的地方。

由黃惠偵執導的紀錄片《日常對話》,主角是她的媽媽阿女。這位媽媽是女同志,亦是為人「牽亡」的法師,也就是在喪禮上主持牽引亡魂出離地獄升天的儀式。這是首部在柏林影展榮獲泰迪熊獎的台灣電影,該獎是頒給以 LGBTIQ(各種性傾向及跨性別族群)為主題的優秀電影。黃惠偵與母親雖然住在同一屋簷下,兩人卻只維持表面的互動,實際上大部分時間都是沉默共對。她於是拿起攝影機,希望透過鏡頭修補母女關係;然而,這可不是一部溫情洋溢令你看後感覺窩心的影片。

以母親為主角有個好處,就是隨時隨地都可以拍攝。在黃惠偵的鏡頭下,觀眾見到阿女的工作,還有在家與外孫女共度的時光,甚至還訪問了阿女多位前度和現時的女友。至於談到阿女的性取向時,大部分的對話都很隨意,有時甚至帶點幽默感。黃惠偵面對唯一的障礙,反而是訪問阿女的兄弟姊妹;他們都激烈地拒絕談論阿女的性取向,即使言談中他們暗示了已經接受這件事。

不過當黃惠偵在家裡跟母親談及她在社會上的地位、嫁了 個經常虐打她的老公,以及20年前離開夫家並獨力撫養孩子等話題時,母女間的對話就變得有口難言。影片最感人的一刻,是黃惠偵終於透露推動她拍攝本片背後的秘密時,阿女雖然一直堅強地保持沉默,可是滾滾而下的淚水已經勝過千言萬語。

在銀幕上見到的阿女,對於出鏡似乎感到困惑甚至困擾;幸好,黃惠偵說母親非常喜歡這部電影,甚至向她索取免費門票,好讓她請朋友去看。拍攝《日常對話》可能是一場痛苦的感情折磨,然而20多年來累積的痛苦和怨恨,卻由此得到宣洩,母女間的矛盾亦因而終於化解。

Lift the haze Huang Hui- chen confronts her mother in Small Talk 驅散陰霾黃惠偵在《日常對話》中與自己的母親傾情相對

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