Ideal time for love-making
Love is illusionary but couples can make it real with proper understanding and care.
Amiddle-aged journalist reports for an English language daily. His wife runs what has come to be called an event management outfit.
The whirl of the two careers leaves no time for lovemaking.
If at all there is time, it is in the late night hours – just about midnight. The phone is unlikely to ring, lights have been switched off, the children, hopefully, have gone to sleep.
The couple, tired to the bone fall into the bed. Both are half-asleep, one is yawning, and the other is significantly reprimanding the wall clock.
But they are free from the chores of humdrum world; the wife slips into to see-through nightie, sprays perfume, and returns to the bedroom only to find her star reporter deep into the arms of damsel, deep sleep. He is snoring but he does not know it – no snorer does.
Expectations come crashing down. She throws herself on bed, tosses, and then exhaustion forces a draw. The scene is replicated often when the wife embrace Morpheus while the husband is getting fresh and spraying himself with foxy scents. But nothing foxes her! The husband is alone!
This couple, like many others, fails to understand that timing sex sessions are more important than fixing appointments with clients and VIPs. What is the ideal time for a love session? More is involved than atmosphere for the sex and the act of intimacy has implications for the health of the spouses, and of the relationship.
Many strongly believe that the ideal time for sex is dawn. After night’s rest, freedom from tensions and the early morning call of virility supports the viewpoint.
Havelock Ellis named it the act of the sunset because he called sex “a deal of darkness”.
Another viewpoint favours the afternoon which is linked to siesta. Here again, the rest and relaxation that go with the nap contribute to it.
Dr Alfred Kinsley reported that most women considered nighttime as the right/high time for the high-side act. He reported that many men found daytime the best time. Many couples contended that anytime “as the best for which both wink and nod!”
We may speculate that there are as many good times as there are marriages!
A young man goes for it three times a week. A 40- year-old once a fortnight. A 50-plus man once a month. Another of his age for thrice a month!
There are other staggering variations. A woman in her 70s may want it regularly once a month. Clearly, everyone has his own favourable time and frequency.
But when sex is performed in fatigue or hurry as a Saturday- night ritual, it is likely to be performed less, and that is an alarm bell ringing for the relationship.
A young woman working late in a call centre may spurn advances of her husband’s, who returns home after 5 pm.
Every spouse has his or her own pink time. Many couples may settle on mutually satisfactory time, others may not.
There is concealed problem of couples’ inability to arrive at a mutual time. How and when to have it? Where? How often? These are questions which remain unanswered for lack of communication.
This happens because the wife considers it impolite to discuss her desires. She thinks she will be misunderstood, or, worse, the husband may misconstrue it as her premarital escapades.
Generally frequency is determined by couple’s age and state of health. The environment in the house matters so much. A wife wanting a sexual embrace makes acidic comments, chilling the husband sends him to the sofa in the drawing room!
The peak point needs attention because before menstruation, the wife’s sexual desire rises. She is likely to be more responsive, even aggressive. And the act of bliss will be more exciting, pleasure for both.
However, husbands either out of ignorance or stress overlook it and go to the wife when tide is low, or has ebbed. She is indifferent or mildly responsive – disappointing the husband.
Afternoon siesta hours are fertile, these are the hours the irritating household chores are absent. She is in bed, relaxing, and thoughts of lovemaking swim across her mind. It could be the most fertile time for love-making. The thought of love is present but the husband is missing!
Moreover, the body does not reach a single peak of pinnacle but a series of it. More important are psychological factors. Sex is one-fourth body and three fourths psyche. Sex in fatigue is literally “rape.” It leads to bitterness. The act is never satisfying when enforced in unwholesome body conditions.
Some wives are more responsive when lights are off. Others enjoy it when lights are on. Similarly, some love to do it before the mirror, others despise it.
The former belong to the category which thinks that their body is full, sexual, and irresistible.
Air your differences as well as desires – Do not push the matter under the carpet. Long-nursed frustrations can be surprisingly cleared in a few minutes of conversation.
Don’t stand on ceremony. Give in sometime and win. ‘Yes’ and ‘no’ should be part of the revising game.
Respect each other’s sensibilities. Nudity can be appealing or repelling. Don’t fit sex sessions in a time- table. Let go sometimes, whatever the time or place in the house. An unexpected interlude brings thrill, novelty and exceptional excitement.
Go for a joy-ride. Sour-puss partner throws a wet towel on the ardour of the other. Smile at your blunders instead of scowling
Love is a delusion that one woman differs from another- H.L. Mencken.