Ideal time for love-mak­ing

Alive - - Contents - by I.M. Soni

Love is il­lu­sion­ary but cou­ples can make it real with proper un­der­stand­ing and care.

Amid­dle-aged jour­nal­ist re­ports for an English lan­guage daily. His wife runs what has come to be called an event man­age­ment out­fit.

The whirl of the two ca­reers leaves no time for lovemaking.

If at all there is time, it is in the late night hours – just about mid­night. The phone is un­likely to ring, lights have been switched off, the chil­dren, hope­fully, have gone to sleep.

The cou­ple, tired to the bone fall into the bed. Both are half-asleep, one is yawn­ing, and the other is sig­nif­i­cantly rep­ri­mand­ing the wall clock.

But they are free from the chores of hum­drum world; the wife slips into to see-through nightie, sprays per­fume, and re­turns to the bed­room only to find her star re­porter deep into the arms of damsel, deep sleep. He is snor­ing but he does not know it – no snorer does.

Ex­pec­ta­tions come crash­ing down. She throws her­self on bed, tosses, and then ex­haus­tion forces a draw. The scene is repli­cated of­ten when the wife em­brace Mor­pheus while the hus­band is get­ting fresh and spray­ing him­self with foxy scents. But noth­ing foxes her! The hus­band is alone!

This cou­ple, like many oth­ers, fails to un­der­stand that tim­ing sex ses­sions are more im­por­tant than fix­ing ap­point­ments with clients and VIPs. What is the ideal time for a love ses­sion? More is in­volved than at­mos­phere for the sex and the act of in­ti­macy has im­pli­ca­tions for the health of the spouses, and of the re­la­tion­ship.

Many strongly be­lieve that the ideal time for sex is dawn. Af­ter night’s rest, free­dom from ten­sions and the early morn­ing call of viril­ity sup­ports the view­point.

Have­lock El­lis named it the act of the sun­set be­cause he called sex “a deal of dark­ness”.

An­other view­point favours the af­ter­noon which is linked to siesta. Here again, the rest and re­lax­ation that go with the nap con­trib­ute to it.

Dr Al­fred Kins­ley re­ported that most women con­sid­ered night­time as the right/high time for the high-side act. He re­ported that many men found day­time the best time. Many cou­ples con­tended that any­time “as the best for which both wink and nod!”

We may spec­u­late that there are as many good times as there are mar­riages!

A young man goes for it three times a week. A 40- year-old once a fort­night. A 50-plus man once a month. An­other of his age for thrice a month!

There are other stag­ger­ing vari­a­tions. A woman in her 70s may want it reg­u­larly once a month. Clearly, ev­ery­one has his own favourable time and fre­quency.

But when sex is per­formed in fa­tigue or hurry as a Satur­day- night rit­ual, it is likely to be per­formed less, and that is an alarm bell ring­ing for the re­la­tion­ship.

A young woman work­ing late in a call cen­tre may spurn ad­vances of her hus­band’s, who re­turns home af­ter 5 pm.

Ev­ery spouse has his or her own pink time. Many cou­ples may set­tle on mu­tu­ally sat­is­fac­tory time, oth­ers may not.

There is con­cealed prob­lem of cou­ples’ in­abil­ity to ar­rive at a mu­tual time. How and when to have it? Where? How of­ten? These are ques­tions which re­main unan­swered for lack of com­mu­ni­ca­tion.

Sup­pressed de­sires

This hap­pens be­cause the wife con­sid­ers it im­po­lite to dis­cuss her de­sires. She thinks she will be mis­un­der­stood, or, worse, the hus­band may mis­con­strue it as her pre­mar­i­tal es­capades.

Gen­er­ally fre­quency is de­ter­mined by cou­ple’s age and state of health. The en­vi­ron­ment in the house mat­ters so much. A wife want­ing a sex­ual em­brace makes acidic com­ments, chill­ing the hus­band sends him to the sofa in the draw­ing room!

The peak point needs at­ten­tion be­cause be­fore men­stru­a­tion, the wife’s sex­ual de­sire rises. She is likely to be more re­spon­sive, even ag­gres­sive. And the act of bliss will be more ex­cit­ing, plea­sure for both.

How­ever, hus­bands ei­ther out of ig­no­rance or stress over­look it and go to the wife when tide is low, or has ebbed. She is in­dif­fer­ent or mildly re­spon­sive – dis­ap­point­ing the hus­band.

Af­ter­noon siesta hours are fer­tile, these are the hours the ir­ri­tat­ing house­hold chores are ab­sent. She is in bed, re­lax­ing, and thoughts of lovemaking swim across her mind. It could be the most fer­tile time for love-mak­ing. The thought of love is present but the hus­band is miss­ing!

Bi­o­log­i­cal clock

More­over, the body does not reach a sin­gle peak of pin­na­cle but a se­ries of it. More im­por­tant are psy­cho­log­i­cal fac­tors. Sex is one-fourth body and three fourths psy­che. Sex in fa­tigue is lit­er­ally “rape.” It leads to bit­ter­ness. The act is never sat­is­fy­ing when en­forced in un­whole­some body con­di­tions.

Some wives are more re­spon­sive when lights are off. Oth­ers en­joy it when lights are on. Sim­i­larly, some love to do it be­fore the mir­ror, oth­ers de­spise it.

The for­mer be­long to the cat­e­gory which thinks that their body is full, sex­ual, and ir­re­sistible.

Air your dif­fer­ences as well as de­sires – Do not push the mat­ter un­der the car­pet. Long-nursed frus­tra­tions can be sur­pris­ingly cleared in a few min­utes of con­ver­sa­tion.

Don’t stand on cer­e­mony. Give in some­time and win. ‘Yes’ and ‘no’ should be part of the re­vis­ing game.

Re­spect each other’s sen­si­bil­i­ties. Nu­dity can be ap­peal­ing or re­pelling. Don’t fit sex ses­sions in a time- ta­ble. Let go some­times, what­ever the time or place in the house. An un­ex­pected in­ter­lude brings thrill, nov­elty and ex­cep­tional ex­cite­ment.

Go for a joy-ride. Sour-puss part­ner throws a wet towel on the ar­dour of the other. Smile at your blun­ders in­stead of scowl­ing

Love is a delu­sion that one woman dif­fers from an­other- H.L. Mencken.

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