His 8 Big­gest Sex Se­crets

The only thoughts oc­cu­py­ing your guy’s brain dur­ing sex should be how amaz­ing it is and how lucky he is to be with you. But ac­cord­ing to a Cosmo poll, the sup­pos­edly cock­ier gender has a lot of anx­i­ety in bed... not that they’d ad­mit it. We ID their top w

Cosmopolitan (India) - - LOVE & LUST -

Ev­ery guy has bed­room hang- ups, but chances are, he’d rather watch a Twi­light marathon than share them with you. “It’s a pride thing,” says Ian Kerner, Ph. D., author of Pas­sion­ista. “They don’t want you to doubt their skills, and they also aren’t used to talk­ing about it, whereas women dis­cuss their in­se­cu­ri­ties with their friends.” That’s where Cosmo comes in. We asked more than 1,000 men to con­fess the stuff they worry about and com­piled this list of their top an­swers. And since we wouldn’t leave you hang­ing, we en­listed the help of top sex ex­perts to fig­ure out how to deal with each one. All these tips keep his anx­i­ety low, so his plea­sure ( and yours) will be high.

1 “Uh- oh, this feels too good.”

Cli­max­ing too soon is a very real worry for 65 per­cent of the men who took our sur­vey. “Pre­ma­ture ejac­u­la­tion, which tech­ni­cally means reach­ing or­gasm in less than two min­utes, af­fects about one- third of men,” ex­plains Kerner. And even if your BF or hus­band lasts longer, his ego is wrapped up in his stamina, so it’s still on his mind. “When a man cli­maxes be­fore he in­tends to,

2 “I have no clue how to make her cli­max.”

whether that’s af­ter one minute or 15, it shakes his con­fi­dence and makes him feel out of con­trol,” he says.

That kind of pres­sure can ruin the mo­ment for a guy ( and you, too, since it screws with his abil­ity to fo­cus on your needs). You can ease some of the stress by look­ing out for clues that he’s strug­gling to re­strain him­self— a tense jaw, clenched mus­cles, and short, rapid breath­ing are all signs. If you no­tice these, switch to a po­si­tion that gives less stim­u­la­tion. Girl- on- top is a good bet, since you can set a slower pace and use a back- and- forth grind­ing mo­tion ( as op­posed to mov­ing up and down), which will re­duce the fric­tion that typ­i­cally trig­gers his or­gasm.

You can also take a mini break be­tween po­si­tions and touch each other in sen­sual spots, like the neck or ear. That way, you keep his de­sire sim­mer­ing with­out hav­ing it boil over be­fore ei­ther of you want it to. This fear is just as huge for guys as a too eas­ily trig­gered O. Ba­si­cally, if he’s un­able to sat­isfy a wo­man, he feels like less of a man. “That’s why

men ap­pre­ci­ate it when you let them know ex­actly which moves are go­ing to get you to your peak,” says sex educator Lou Paget, author of How To Be A Great Lover.

You don’t want to bark or­ders, but you do want to say things like, “That feels amaz­ing. Can you go softer/ faster/ harder?” The more spe­cific you are, the bet­ter. So tell him if di­rect con­tact works best for you or if you pre­fer more light teas­ing around— and not on— your cli­toris. “You’re mak­ing it clear to him what you need with­out him feel­ing like he’s fum­bling,” says Paget.

To re­ally re­in­force it in his mind, think of a nick­name for the move that trig­gers your O. If you like di­rect, puls­ing con­tact, tell him af­ter sex, “I love it when you do ‘ the door­bell.’” When he asks you what the hell that is, demon­strate it on his arm with your finger. “This will help him re­mem­ber that it’s cru­cial to your

cli­max,” says Paget.

3 “Whoa, what if she gets preg­nant?”

There’s an ob­vi­ous fix for this worry that plagues more than half of dudes: if you’re on the Pill, tell him up front. When it’s time to bust out the con­doms, be the one to put it on him. Here’s how to do it in three steps: hold the tip of the con­dom be­tween two fin­gers, place the open­ing on the head of his pe­nis, and then use your other hand to un­roll it down his shaft in one fluid mo­tion.

If you re­ally want to wow him, try putting it on us­ing your mouth. Hold the con­dom ( a mint- flavoured one will make this more pleas­ant for your taste­buds) so the rim is against your lips and the tip is in­side your mouth. Place it on the head of his pe­nis, like you would with your fin­gers, then use your other hand to smooth it down.

4 “My oral tech­nique is a to­tal mess.”

“Most men ap­proach oral sex like a guess­ing game,” Paget says. “They’re not sure if they should lick, kiss, or stroke or where they should fo­cus their at­ten­tion.” Again, the key to help­ing the 45 per­cent of men who freak over this is­sue is to be spe­cific. Don’t just tell him you like it when he licks— de­scribe it in de­tail. Is it like an ice- cream cone? More of a flick­ing mo­tion, like he’s flip­ping a light switch on and off?

It’s also help­ful if you show him ex­actly what it takes to get you to cli­max. Be­fore he goes down there, take a mo­ment to kiss and tongue his in­ner thighs in the same way you’d like him to do it. Ask him if it feels good, and then tell him that’s how you want it when he goes down on you. Even though you’ll get your point across, it won’t feel like a lame

tu­to­rial, since it dou­bles as a sexy pre­lude to oral for him too.

5 “If I tell her my fan­tasy, she’ll think I’m a freak.”

This is a ter­ri­fy­ing prospect, ac­cord­ing to 44 per­cent of our sur­vey re­spon­dents. “He’s afraid of be­ing re­jected or judged,” says Kerner. He needs to know you’re open to hear­ing what’s on his sex­ual wish­list, so tell him your own fan­tasies first.”

Bring it up when you’re in the early stages of fore­play, such as when you’re mak­ing out on the couch. “Feel- good neu­ro­chem­i­cals will be fir­ing in his brain, loos­en­ing his in­hi­bi­tions, so he’ll be more likely to share his fan­tasy,” says Kerner. And if that sce­nario hap­pens to be some­thing you wouldn’t be into in re­al­ity, don’t let it show that you’re kind of dis­turbed to hear he’s a fan. Other­wise, you’ll prove to him that he’s bet­ter off not telling you.

Keep your game face on and say this key line: “I don’t think I’d nec­es­sar­ily do that, but hear­ing you de­scribe your fan­tasy is so hot.” He’ll get it, but know you still like hear­ing his X- rated thoughts.

6 “She thinks go­ing down on me is gross.”

We were shocked to dis­cover that 44 per­cent of guys fret about what you’re think­ing when you’re pleas­ing him with your mouth. “A lot of men worry that a wo­man won’t like the taste or that she’s un­com­fort­able,” says Kerner.

That can tank his li­bido, since en­thu­si­asm is the se­cret to awe­some oral for guys. We’re not say­ing you need to gush out loud ev­ery time— that’d be weird— but there are lit­tle things you can do. “Make eye con­tact, moan, or use your free hand to stroke your­self,” Kerner says. “Those sub­tle moves will let him know you’re into it.”

7 “That or­gasm de­served an Os­car.”

Ac­cord­ing to a pre­vi­ous Cosmo poll, this worry ( which 43 per­cent of men re­port hav­ing) is jus­ti­fied— more than half of women say they’ve faked it. Men fear an ar­ti­fi­cial O for two rea­sons: it’s a blow to their ego, and it makes it harder for them to fig­ure out what you do like in bed. But we get that, some­times, an or­gasm just isn’t in the cards. In that case, don’t fake it.

In­stead, tell him you’re not go­ing to get there this time be­cause you’re stressed, tired, etc. “He’d rather hear that than have you fake it,” says Kerner. Of course, if you’re not get­ting off be­cause he’s lost down there, you’ll need to use the tips in sec­tions two and four of this story to get him on track.

8 “I’m re­ally not that big enough for her.”

Even if a guy ap­pears con­fi­dent in his pack­age, this is still in the back of 39 per­cent of men’s minds. Guys are hy­per aware of how they stack up size- wise, and they worry that you’ll be un­der­whelmed. “Plus, men have dis­torted per­cep­tions be­cause of the ex­tra- large penises they see in porn,” says Kerner. In fact, one study eval­u­ated men who said they had a be­low- av­er­age pe­nis, when in re­al­ity, they all were in the nor­mal range ( FYI, the av­er­age size is about five inches when erect).

For most guys, a com­pli­ment or two eases their anx­i­ety. A sim­ple “You feel so good in­side me” will do the trick. And if he re­ally is be­low av­er­age, go for po­si­tions that make you feel tighter, so he feels big­ger. Put your legs on his shoul­ders in mis­sion­ary, or try spoon­ing sex, where you’re side- by- side and he en­ters from be­hind. Bonus: both of­fer lots of cli­toral con­tact ( he can reach around if spoon­ing), so you’re more likely to or­gasm. And since guys are so con­cerned with sat­is­fy­ing you ( see numbers two, four, and seven on this list), that’s def­i­nitely a win- win.

Lucky her cav­i­ties

were pretty

The shoes were fine dur­ing sex, but when she wanted to sleep in them, he freaked out

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