SAHIL SHROFF

Cosmopolitan (India) - - COSMO MEN -

“There is quite a lot I don’t get about women but for the sake of keep­ing this non- novella sized, I’ll pick just three. First off, the way women in­ter­act with other women truly amazes me. If two women are friends, then there is this com­plex, so­phis­ti­cated lan­guage of in­side jokes, com­mon en­e­mies, non- ver­bal cues and know­ing smiles they’ve evolved over time, all of which is com­pletely in­com­pre­hen­si­ble to an out­sider, es­pe­cially men.”

“Say some­one has said some­thing to a wo­man at work. Her boyfriend will likely get the short, trailer ver­sion: what hap­pened, who said what and what a to­tal b* tch that per­son is. The end. The guy will un­der­stand it at face value, back it up with his emo­tional re­ac­tion which will ei­ther be em­pa­thetic, grave or down­right hi­lar­i­ous. Then she will call up her BFF and the same in­ci­dent that took her un­der five min­utes to nar­rate to her boyfriend will last an hour ( if you’re be­ing modest). This con­ver­sa­tion will in­volve a de­tailed retelling, a minute- by- minute ac­count of ex­actly what hap­pened— what ev­ery­body was wear­ing and how ugly they looked— in­ter­spersed with out­rage, shouts of sar­cas­tic laugh­ter, and crazy in­to­na­tions. The story will end with both par­ties agree­ing that that per­son is go­ing straight to hell. It bog­gles the mind! Even more baf­fling, though, is women’s be­hav­iour around other

“Even when women hate each other, they’re so nice, so cor­dial, that you’d never guess they’re men­tally stab­bing each

other.”

women they don’t re­gard too highly. They’re so nice, so cor­dial and so ex­tra, ex­tra po­lite that you’d never guess they’re men­tally stab­bing each other. For ex­am­ple, this girl I knew in col­lege de­tested an­other girl in the group but never gave the slight­est in­di­ca­tion of it for three years. She’d com­plain about her all the time, and when I fi­nally asked her why she didn’t just tell her off, she replied, ‘ It doesn’t bother me’. But then... wait, what?!

The fi­nal thing ( I did prom­ise I’d stick to three), I will never un­der­stand about women, and ac­tu­ally am quite in awe of, is their abil­ity for com­plex de­duc­tion. If we’re at a cof­fee shop and we see a cou­ple ar­gu­ing, I see just that— a cou­ple hav­ing a bad day. She will deduct what they’re ar­gu­ing about based on their body lan­guage, which bev­er­age they or­dered, whose fault it re­ally is and who’s win­ning the fight. She’ll de­con­struct the whole sit­u­a­tion with sur­gi­cal pre­ci­sion— un­be­liev­able! Once my ex girl­friend and I ran into my ex at a party. She drew up a list of pos­si­ble mo­tives the ex had for strik­ing a con­ver­sa­tion with me, based on a sim­ple ‘ hello’. Women can com­pute sit­u­a­tions and draw long and con­vo­luted con­clu­sions at the speed of light­ning, whereas if we even at­tempted it, our heads would ex­plode. I guess it’s the same rea­son, a man can get hope­lessly lost in his own pantry, whereas a wo­man will be able to find the mus­tard in less than a minute. You gotta love ’ em! I know I do.”

Sahil Shroff

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