Why y He Should Love You More This Much Than You Love Him

Ex­perts say a teeny im­bal­ance is some se­ri­ous re­la­tion­ship gold.

Cosmopolitan (India) - - LOVE & LUST - By Jes­sica Knoll

Raise your hand if this sit­u­a­tion sounds fa­mil­iar: A non-com­mit­tal d-bag has just put your heart through the shred­der when you meet a new guy, who thinks you’re awe­some...and isn’t afraid to show it. He’s ac­tu­ally pretty hot, but some­thing about him be­ing so ob­vi­ously into you is un­sex­ier than a pic­ture of Hrithik Roshan shirt­less. We get it. But there is a happy medium be­tween the aloof jerk and the ea­ger beaver, and you should def­i­nitely be on the look­out for him.

Let’s be clear: we’re not talk­ing about set­tling. There’s no point in in­vest­ing en­ergy in a guy you’re meh about, just be­cause he thinks you’re the bee’s knees. But ex­perts agree that pick­ing a guy who digs you about 10 per­cent more than you dig him is smart. The num­ber isn’t sci­en­tific—there’s no real way to cal­cu­late how much more one per­son likes the other. What it ba­si­cally means is that he should like you just a lit­tle bit more, to the

point where you’re at­tracted to each other, but with the scales tip­ping slightly in your favour.

“It’s a great dy­namic, es­pe­cially in the early dat­ing stages, be­cause you get to check all the will-he-or­won’t-he-call anx­i­ety at the door,” says Seth Mey­ers, Psy.D., au­thor of Dr Seth’s Love Pre­scrip­tion. And when you’re not that wor­ried about whether he’s into you, it’s a lot eas­ier to be your­self from the getgo, which in­creases the po­ten­tial for things to work out. “You don’t have to waste time play­ing games,” ex­plains Mey­ers, “and the re­la­tion­ship will be more authen­tic as a re­sult.”

Of course, it’s a lot eas­ier to fall for the guy who doesn’t ac­knowl­edge your ex­is­tence (who would do naughty, naughty things to you...and then never call you again). But while the 10 per­cent guy may not give you those same tinglies right off the bat, don’t as­sume he’s as straight-for­ward as he seems.

Mr 10% is 100% Doable

A guy who likes you a bit more than you like him gen­er­ally is out­wardly af­fec­tion­ate and doesn’t eff with your mind. Those are ob­vi­ously good qual­i­ties, but it’s easy to mis­in­ter­pret that open­ness as need­i­ness ( ick). So while you like the 10 per­cent guy, he prob­a­bly doesn’t to­tally ex­cite you since he doesn’t come across as the strong, in­de­pen­dent al­pha type that women are hard­wired to re­spond to.

One way to stoke the flames, sug­gests Diana Kirschner, Ph.D., au­thor of Seal­ing the Deal, is to check him out in his el­e­ment. If he’s a badass soc­cer player, make a point of see­ing him on the field be­ing all brutish and Becks-like. Or hang out with him and his clos­est bud­dies—your feel­ings may change dra­mat­i­cally when you see him in a sit­u­a­tion where he’s feel­ing ex­tra com­fort­able and con­fi­dent (which is hot) and you re­alise that he doesn’t ac­tu­ally need you in his life, but just wants you in it.

He’ll Take Con­trol When You Least Ex­pectp It

If you’re wor­ried you’ll get bored al­ways hav­ing the ad­van­tage in the re­la­tion­ship, here’s some­thing you should know: there will be times when you’ll be­come the 10 per­cent girl for a while. “Re­la­tion­ships ebb and flow,” says Kirschner. “Some­times, he’ll be more into you; other times, the roles will re­verse.” Ba­si­cally, you’ll never feel too com­fort­able.

Gauri, 27, has watched the script flip on her re­la­tion­ship many times over the past four years. “My boyfriend pur­sued me hard in the be­gin­ning, and I was on the fence about him,” she says. “But things have changed, and I don’t al­ways feel like I have the up­per hand.” So let na­ture take its course, and al­low a few months for the dy­nam­ics to start chang­ing.

He Won’t Turn Into An Ass

When the bal­ance does shift (and it turns out he’s a lot sex­ier), Kirschner says there’s one thing you can pretty much count on not chang­ing, and that’s the way the 10 per­cent guy treats you. “If a guy is act­ing thought­ful and car­ing in the be­gin­ning, there’s a re­ally good chance that be­hav­iour is go­ing to continue.”

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