BFFS? Not ev­ery friend­ship could sur­vive life’s big mile­stone events

Cosmopolitan (India) - - UPFRONT -

You’ve shared ev­ery­thing, from make-up to man prob­lems, so it’s only nat­u­ral that your best friend is your first thought when you’re in search of a travel or busi­ness part­ner, or a flat­mate to share a place with. How­ever, the very per­son­al­ity traits that make you such great friends may not trans­late to these sit­u­a­tions. Would your friend­ship be able to sur­vive these tests?

The Travel Test

Plan­ning a global get­away with just your bestie? Make

sure you both want the same kind of hol­i­day. “You have to be hon­est with your­self and see if you’re com­pat­i­ble. It’s only fun if your friend un­der­stands your bound­aries,” says

Aus­tralia-based coun­selling psy­chol­o­gist Jas­mine Sliger. If you want to re­lax pool­side all day, but your friend wants to party, then it’s time to talk about your in­di­vid­ual ex­pec­ta­tions. “There needs to be a mu­tual re­spect for each other, as

well as a live- and-let-live at­ti­tude,” says Sliger. Use a week­end away as a trial run be­fore you book those

non-re­fund­able tick­ets.

The Work Test

Be­fore you go into busi­ness with her, look at how you both work. “You need to un­der­stand the be­havioural pro­file of each other and who’s best suited to which tasks,” says Peter Hall, di­rec­tor of

the Busi­ness Ad­vi­sor Net­work, Aus­tralia. “Make a busi­ness plan and look at who will do what. Do you have com­ple­men­tary tem­per­a­ments and skills?” If you’re both too sim­i­lar in per­son­al­ity, you might be lock­ing horns more than lock­ing in deals. Hall sug­gests us­ing an in­de­pen­dent third party. “A busi­ness men­tor will

pro­vide busi­ness ex­pe­ri­ence and act as a buf­fer be­tween friends.”

The Mov­ing Test

“Ob­serve your friend and an­a­lyse your per­son­al­i­ties,” says Sliger. Ask your­self ques­tions like: what are her val­ues? How does she make de­ci­sions? Is she a good judge of char­ac­ter? How or­gan­ised is she? And if her cur­rent house is a pigsty and yours is pris­tine, be re­al­is­tic: it’s prob­a­bly not go­ing to work. Sliger also rec­om­mends think­ing out the worst-case sce­nario: “If you had a ter­ri­ble fight, do you think the two of you could get over it? Could you tol­er­ate the con­se­quences of los­ing the friend­ship al­to­gether?” Talk it over

be­fore sign­ing the lease.

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