Cosmopolitan (India) - - YOU, YOU, YOU -

Ever scanned your diary and won­dered why you com­mit­ted to so many things you didn’t re­ally want to? “It’s com­mon to over com­mit and make fu­ture plans we wouldn’t dream of mak­ing for to­day be­cause the fu­ture seems un­real,” ex­plains Robin. “Then it comes along and we have to do it.” But ac­com­mo­dat­ing other peo­ple’s needs be­fore our own means we’re at se­ri­ous risk of be­com­ing stressed, an­gry, dis­sat­is­fied and de­pressed—so learn how to give ‘yes’ the fin­ger...

1Don’t Make It Per­sonal

“Say yes to the per­son, but not to the task,” ad­vises Robin. This means the per­son re­ceiv­ing the bad news won’t be hurt and it won’t make them re­sent­ful.” Use phrases that re­fer back to your­self, such as, ‘I’d pre­fer not to do X,’ or, ‘I’m un­com­fort­able do­ing Y.’

They’re harder to dis­pute.

2Buy Your­self Some Time

“Be­ing caught un­aware means we’re more likely to feel in­debted and pres­sured into agree­ing,” ex­plains Robin. “Give your­self a breather—even if it’s just 10 min­utes. Say­ing, ‘I’m just in the mid­dle of some­thing, can I get back to you?’ gives you a chance to think of a good re­sponse in the mean­while.”

3Don’t Be Sorry

Stud­ies show that women apol­o­gise far more of­ten than men. “Don’t go down the apol­ogy route,” warns Robin. “In­stead, use de­ci­sive phrases. Giv­ing too many ex­cuses about why you can’t ac­cept weak­ens your po­si­tion. En­ter­ing into an­other dis­cus­sion gives the other per­son the chance to change your mind.”

The con­fu­sion was grow­ing by the minute!

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