Ask Cosmo Any­thing

From ran­dom lit­tle is­sues to ma­jor life dra­mas, we’ve got your back.

Cosmopolitan (India) - - YOU, YOU, YOU -

Q.I was in a re­la­tion­ship with a guy who phys­i­cally abused me. I cut him off, but re­cently, we met by chance and I got an in­cred­i­ble adrenalin rush. I feel I want to see him again. Should I risk it?

A: His emo­tions are locked in by anger; that’s why he’s abu­sive. Why fancy the brute? Is it the clas­sic er­ror of think­ing you can change him? Does dam­aged self-re­spect make you feel you don’t de­serve bet­ter? Do you mis­take his abuse for strength? Cut him off for­ever. Work out why you find a gorilla at­trac­tive, then fix it, so it can’t hap­pen again.

Q: I’ve been with a guy for three years and ev­ery­thing was go­ing well—un­til I found he was exchanging flir­ta­tious mes­sages with a girl, for in­stance, “I’d give you a hug but I’m naked, would you mind that?” When I tack­led him about it, he apol­o­gised and promised to stop. Now I find he’s been mes­sag­ing another girl in the same way. He says he doesn’t think of it as flirt­ing. How can I be sure it won’t hap­pen again? A:

You can’t be sure it won’t hap­pen again. Not be­cause he’s a soft-porn ad­dict or an online flirt, but be­cause the guy is a liar. He promised he’d stop send­ing sleazy mes­sages, but didn’t. If you con­front him again, there’s ev­ery chance it’ll be the same story. Do you re­ally want to take that chance? To en­ter your fu­ture arm-in-arm with a liar? I hope not. We hope you leave him and lock the door be­hind you.

Q: I work as cabin crew and re­cently got to­gether with a pi­lot. It was great, but he’s mar­ried, and I think his wife might have seen a text I sent him. He hasn’t even looked at me since. Also, a col­league saw us kiss­ing and told ev­ery­one at work. Should I look for a new job? I’ll never get in­volved with a pi­lot again. A:

At least you’ve learnt a les­son—the hard way. Get­ting to­gether with a col­league is un­pro­fes­sional. And if he’s the one with his hands on the con­trol panel, as the less se­nior mem­ber of staff, you’re the one who usu­ally pays the price. You’ll in­evitably be found out and be food for of­fice gos­sip. Any ex­tra­mar­i­tal af­fair is po­ten­tially flammable. Make your­self do the hard­est thing: noth­ing. Say noth­ing to any­one, and not one un­nec­es­sary word to him. No eye con­tact, no texts. Give trou­ble a chance to cool down. Then, if you feel you must find another job, gos­sip will be less likely to fol­low you.

Q: Wedge sneak­ers are ev­ery­where, but they seem tough to pull off. How can I make them work? A:

Wedge sneak­ers are a huge run­way (and celebrity trend) right now. But you’re right, it can be a tricky trend to mas­ter. You would do well by pair­ing them with jeg­gings, leggings or skinny jeans and a blazer on top. How­ever, if you want to take it a step fur­ther, be bold and wear them with a flowy maxi skirt or dress for cool con­trast. Re­ally though, it all comes down to your con­fi­dence.

Chloe Moretz car­ries her wedge sneak­ers well

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