WHAT TO SAY WHEN YOUR FRIEND IS DAT­ING AN A**HOLE

The sticky sitch that can come be­tween friends—and how to nav­i­gate it.

Cosmopolitan (India) - - UPFRONT -

We’ve all got a friend who thinks her boyfriend ri­vals Ryan Gosling when, ac­tu­ally, he’s Scott Disick 2.0 (the D-bag dat­ing Kourt­ney Kar­dashian— we don’t ap­prove BTW). So, do you tell her—and jeop­ar­dise your friend­ship— or suck it up and suf­fer in his com­pany? Ex­perts say you want to strike a del­i­cate bal­ance be­tween hon­esty and hon­our­ing the friend­ship. “You need to re­spect your friend’s choice, but at the same time, you’re free to choose who you spend time with,” says Sue Yorston, cen­tre man­ager at Re­la­tion­ships Aus­tralia Vic­to­ria.

THE NON­CON­FRONTA­TIONAL AP­PROACH

If you’d rather burst blis­ters than have a dif­fi­cult con­ver­sa­tion, all is not lost. Firstly, try see­ing the guy from your friend’s per­spec­tive. Ask her what it is she finds spe­cial about him. “You may find that your as­sump­tions are wrong,” points out Yorston. If you still don’t like him? Ask her some ques­tions, sug­gests Re­la­tion­ship Aus­tralia coun­sel­lor Kylie Dun­jey. “If her boyfriend is con­trol­ling, for ex­am­ple, say some­thing like, ‘How is it for you when you go some­where he doesn’t want to go?’”. “By ask­ing a ques­tion, you aren’t stat­ing a crit­i­cism as such, but rather en­cour­ag­ing aware­ness for your friend around the be­hav­iour you think is a prob­lem.” That might help her start to see the re­la­tion­ship more clearly. And if all else fails? Ask to spend qual­ity time with your friend one-on-one—there’s no need to pre­tend you like him if he’s sim­ply not around.

THE GUNG-HO AP­PROACH

If you’re an ‘all cards on the ta­ble’ kind of girl, this is one time you need to tread care­fully, warns Dun­jey. “So that your friend un­der­stands you’re just look­ing out for her be­cause you love her, you need to de­ter­mine if the griev­ance is ac­tu­ally worth air­ing, or whether it makes more sense to let it go,” Dun­jey ad­vises. “She could be left won­der­ing if you’re more in­ter­ested in your own opin­ion than in her hap­pi­ness—and that could re­sult in her doubt­ing the qual­ity of your friend­ship.”

Mike ‘the Sit­u­a­tion’ Sor­rentino John Mayer Tony Parker Rus­sell Brand Scott Disick

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