Should You Cover For Your Cheat­ing Friend?

Is it girl code to mind your own busi­ness or should you be ready to con­front? Two Cosmo girls have some se­ri­ous opin­ions...

Cosmopolitan (India) - - UPFRONT -


Tu­lika Mehro­tra, Au­thor of Crash­ing B-Town

“‘It’s just a lit­tle white lie’, a close friend once said to me. ‘What’s the big deal? I’d do it for you!’ And with that, I saw the first cracks in our friend­ship. But I didn’t budge. I didn’t lie for her while she cheated on her boyfriend/ hus­band—who­ever. For what? Fun? An es­cape from bore­dom? Some­thing fetishy to reignite the spark? Ly­ing for her would mean I agreed with her de­cep­tion. I didn’t and I still don’t. Also, you’re not much of a friend if you’re ask­ing such a crappy favour. The un­der­ly­ing ques­tion is, why cheat? If the re­la­tion­ship is bro­ken, end it. If there are prob­lems, fix them. Maybe it’s just a hedge with mul­ti­ple part­ners to pick the best one. Fine. But I still wouldn’t lie for her. She needs to own her own fraud. Cheat­ing is ly­ing and noth­ing good will come from it. The ar­gu­ment that ‘guys do it all the time!’ is weak. My per­cep­tion of ‘those’ guys is cer­tainly not a good one. Go ahead, lie to your part­ner, but don’t ask me to cover for you. I am okay with los­ing the friend­ship, but not low­er­ing my own stan­dards.”


Judy Balan, Au­thor of Two Fates: The Story Of My Di­vorce

“Cov­er­ing for a friend who is cheat­ing on her boyfriend—isn’t that what high-school­ers do? If said friend is an adult and is choos­ing to cheat on her part­ner, there should be no con­fu­sion about the fact that it should re­main be­tween her and her part­ner. I’d def­i­nitely mind my own busi­ness. I don’t be­lieve it’s my place to set things right in other people’s re­la­tion­ships, or even con­front my friend on what’s en­tirely her choice. I mean, I’m not a priest or a re­la­tion­ship coun­sel­lor. I’m un­der no moral obli­ga­tion to in­ter­vene here. How­ever, in the case of the boyfriend also be­ing an equally close friend, I might find my­self caught in an end­less cy­cle of guilt no mat­ter what I choose to do, be­cause do­ing the right thing by one friend would wrong the other by de­fault. It’s kind of ridicu­lous when you think about it. In these sit­u­a­tions, I re­ally think we should have a non-dis­clo­sure agree­ment be­tween the mu­tual best friend and the cou­ple be­fore they get into an exclusive re­la­tion­ship!”

To tell or not

to tell?

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