The5 Friends You Wish He’d Ditch
You found an amazing boyfriend—but his friends effing suck. Here’s how to deal and still be the cool GF.
1 THE PERMA-BACHELOR
WHO HE IS: An influence so bad, he makes Charlie Sheen look senatorial. He comes over smelling like misogyny and daddy issues from his serial dating (and some illegal) experiences. And if you guys ever break up, he’d have your boy go all out at the club that night.
HOW TO DEAL: You’re not his babysitter. It would be overstepping to make your man de-friend this degenerate, but remind him that, unlike his friend’s, umm, associates, you actually allow him to touch you—for free.
2 THE BIG EFFING DEAL
WHO HE IS: This David Karp (Tumblr founder) wannabe and his crew of start-up studs make your man depressed about his status. You wish you could tell him to Zuck on it.
HOW TO DEAL: Remind your guy of what this I.T. sucker doesn’t have: you. If the mood strikes, show him the only big swinging D you need is his.
3 THE HOT BFF
WHO HE IS: He’s secretly on your f*ck-it list. You can’t help but ogle his ass at every party...and throw his girlfriend the side-eye.
HOW TO DEAL: Conjure his grossest qualities (post-dinner finger licking?) or that story your BF told you about his drunken bed-wetting habit. All of a sudden, he’s bleh, not hot.
4 THE THIRD WHEEL
WHO HE IS: He is single and desperate and always crashes your dates (including that one incredibly awkward couples massage... for three).
HOW TO DEAL: Plan dates (like dinner at an exclusive chef’s counter) that this dude can’t easily join in on. Add some under-the-table thigh grazing so your BF gets the hint.
5 THE BROMANTIC
WHO HE IS: Like Liam Neeson and bad hostage movies, these guys are a package deal. He’s known your man since their diaper days and wishes they still shared a crib.
HOW TO DEAL: Think of this guy as a love benefactor. Whenever you want to watch the Kardashians in peace, you’ve got someone to pawn your man off on.
Get lost, Schmidt (from New Girl)
Arjun or Ranveer?
Back-up buddy, Liam Neeson