My boyfriend was my support when I came out of an abu­sive re­la­tion­ship. Now I’m re­ally happy, but his mum clearly doesn’t ap­prove of me—she’s not at all wel­com­ing. I’ve tact­fully broached this with my boyfriend and he thinks I’m be­ing silly. I love him, b

Cosmopolitan (India) - - YOU, YOU, YOU -

A:

Two women who love the same man is a prob­lem, even if one is his mother. She’s los­ing her boy to you, and her body lan­guage ex­presses emo­tions that are still locked in the nurs­ery. So you must be the adult. Bite your tongue. Never force your boyfriend to choose sides; if you do, war be­gins. Think of her as you would of a new work col­league. Ask her about her­self and her life. And ask her for ad­vice about ar­eas of your life that are not con­nected to him. Try to make his sym­pa­thetic rel­a­tives your al­lies. Given time and at­ten­tion, his mum will come to see you as a friend, not as the other woman.

Q: I am see­ing a man who’s good-look­ing, has a lovely per­son­al­ity, and a good job. I en­joy his company, but there’s no chem­istry and he never makes a move. I’ve given him chances to see if he’s shy, but I feel as if I’m lead­ing him on. Why does this per­fect guy just

do it for (and with) me?

A:

It sounds as if the is­sue is more his than yours. Men gen­er­ally find it harder than us to dis­cuss prob­lems (es­pe­cially sex­ual ones). What­ever his age or ap­pear­ance, maybe he’s a vir­gin wait­ing for the love of his life? Or gay and afraid to come out? Or wor­ries about his prow­ess in bed? Maybe he even has a girl­friend—or fears be­ing com­pared to your pre­vi­ous boyfriends? You two need to talk more than you need sex. Try to lead him into talk­ing about his in­hi­bi­tions. Lis­ten with con­cern for him. If you can’t man­age that, then back away and maybe he’ll ex­plain him­self. If not, you haven’t lost very much, have you?

Q: I’ve been see­ing some­one for sev­eral years. He’s kind and gen­er­ous, but I’m bored. We ar­gue be­cause I’m not happy, and I don’t fancy him any­more. My friends tell me I’ll never meet any­one who loves me as much. Should I be con­tent to have some­one who loves me even though I feel un­ful­filled? A:

Bore­dom takes two: one to be bored and one to be bor­ing. It can be re­lieved by ei­ther side. For­get your friends; do you feel this re­la­tion­ship is worth work­ing on? If yes, why not try to change things? Ar­range projects, tick­ets for fun events, and sur­prises for when you go out to­gether. Plan a hol­i­day. Bring sexy strate­gies of your own to bed. If your at­tempts fail and the bore­dom con­tin­ues, or if you be­lieve this re­la­tion­ship is sim­ply not worth the ef­fort, kiss him goodbye. And next time you find some­one who loves you, hope­fully, he’ll be some­one you love too.

Q: How do I work this sea­son’s mil­i­tary trend? A:

To be a one-woman fash­ion army, sim­ply wear some­thing khaki or green. You could also try a parka coat or avi­a­tor jacket, or clunky boots with chains. Ex­tra points for team­ing your mil­i­tary out­fit with some­thing flo­ral, like at Vivi­enne W.

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