Happy Re­la­tion­ship

And know how to dif­fer­en­ti­ate be­tween a healthy, un­healthy and an abu­sive re­la­tion­ship.

Health & Nutrition - - CONTENTS -

Healthy, un­healthy or abu­sive - know your re­la­tion­ship sta­tus

Re­spect has a huge im­pact in ev­ery­day life. We are taught at a young age to re­spect adults, our par­ents, and even our peers. To re­spect some­one is to ac­knowl­edge them with value, ac­cep­tance and cour­tesy, and to show them con­sid­er­a­tion. While re­spect is im­por­tant in all as­pects of life, it is es­pe­cially im­por­tant to have a high level of re­spect when in­volved in an in­ti­mate re­la­tion­ship, as healthy re­la­tion­ships are built on a foun­da­tion of re­spect, and will likely fail if you and your part­ner don’t have re­spect for one an­other.

A Healthy Re­la­tion­ship

A healthy re­la­tion­ship means that both you and your part­ner are…

Com­mu­ni­cat­ing

You talk openly about prob­lems with­out shout­ing or yelling. You lis­ten to one an­other, hear each other out, re­spect each other’s opin­ions, and are will­ing to com­pro­mise.

Re­spect­ful

You value each other as you are. Cul­ture, be­liefs, opin­ions and bound­aries are val­ued. You treat each other in a way that demon­strates the high es­teem you hold for one an­other.

Trust­ing

An abu­sive re­la­tion­ship starts when just one of you com­mu­ni­cates abu­sively. Dur­ing dis­agree­ments, there is scream­ing, cussing, or threat­en­ing, or these things hap­pen even when there is no ar­gu­ment.

You both trust each other, and the trust has been earned. Hon­est You are both hon­est with each other but can still choose to keep cer­tain things pri­vate. For ex­am­ple, you both know that it is im­por­tant to be hon­est about things that af­fect or in­volve the re­la­tion­ship and still know that it is also okay to keep cer­tain things pri­vate.

Equal

You make de­ci­sions to­gether and you hold each other to the same stan­dards.

En­joy Per­sonal Space

You both en­joy spend­ing time apart and re­spect when one of you voices a need for space.

Make con­sen­sual sex­ual de­ci­sions

You talk openly about sex­ual de­ci­sions to­gether. You both con­sent to sex­ual ac­tiv­ity and can talk about what is okay and what isn’t. If you’re hav­ing sex, you talk about pos­si­ble con­se­quences to­gether, such as preg­nancy or STDs. You de­cide to­gether how to ad­dress these things, such as through con­doms and other birth con­trol meth­ods.

An Un­healthy Re­la­tion­ship

An un­healthy re­la­tion­ship starts when even just one of you is…

Not com­mu­ni­cat­ing

Prob­lems are dis­cussed calmly, or not talked about at all. You don’t lis­ten to each other or try to com­pro­mise.

Dis­re­spect­ful

One or both part­ners are in­con­sid­er­ate to­wards the other. One or both part­ners don’t treat each other in a way that shows they care.

Not trust­ing

There is sus­pi­cion that your part­ner is do­ing things be­hind your back, or your part­ner is sus­pi­cious of your loy­alty with­out rea­son.

Dis­hon­est

One or both part­ners are telling lies to each other.

Try­ing to take con­trol

One or both part­ners sees their de­sires or de­ci­sions as more im­por­tant, and is fo­cused only on get­ting their own way.

Feel­ing smoth­ered or for­get­ting to spend time with oth­ers

So much time is spent to­gether that one part­ner is be­gin­ning to feel un­com­fort­able. Or some­times both part­ners spend so much time to­gether that they ig­nore friends, fam­ily or other things that used to be im­por­tant to them.

Pres­sur­ing the other into sex­ual ac­tiv­ity or ig­nor­ing con­se­quences

One part­ner is try­ing to con­vince the other that the re­la­tion­ship should be­come more sex­ual. Or both part­ners are con­sen­su­ally sex­u­ally ac­tive with each other but aren’t ad­dress­ing the pos­si­ble con­se­quences.

An Abu­sive Re­la­tion­ship

An abu­sive re­la­tion­ship starts when just one of you…

Com­mu­ni­cates abu­sively

Dur­ing dis­agree­ments, there is scream­ing, cussing, or threat­en­ing, or these things hap­pen even when there is no ar­gu­ment.

Is dis­re­spect­ful through abuse

A part­ner in­ten­tion­ally and con­tin­u­ously dis­re­gards your feel­ings and phys­i­cal safety.

Falsely ac­cuses the other of flirt­ing or cheat­ing

A part­ner sus­pects flirt­ing or cheat­ing with­out rea­son and ac­cuses the other, of­ten harm­ing their part­ner ver­bally or phys­i­cally as a re­sult.

If you are truly con­vinced that you are wor­thy of re­spect, oth­ers are un­likely to doubt it.

While our fun­da­men­tal hu­man dig­nity calls for re­spect, be­ing a per­son of char­ac­ter makes it eas­ier for peo­ple to re­spect you. Peo­ple who act with in­tegrity rarely do any­thing to harm an­other per­son; ac­cord­ingly, such peo­ple are more likely to be re­spected by oth­ers.

Doesn’t take re­spon­si­bil­ity for the abuse

The vi­o­lent or ver­bally abu­sive part­ner de­nies or doesn’t min­i­mize their ac­tions. They try to blame the other for the harm they’re do­ing.

Con­trols the other part­ner

There is no equal­ity in the re­la­tion­ship. What one part­ner says goes, and if the other part­ner tries to change this, there is in­creased abuse.

Iso­lates the other part­ner

One part­ner con­trols where the other one goes, who the other part­ner sees and talks to. The other part­ner has no per­sonal space and is of­ten iso­lated from other peo­ple al­to­gether.

Forces sex­ual ac­tiv­ity

The how, when, and where of sex­ual ac­tiv­ity is de­ter­mined by only one part­ner. Threats and vi­o­lence are used prior to or dur­ing sex­ual ac­tiv­ity.

Put The ‘R’ Word Back!

Loss of re­spect leads to re­sent­ment, and re­sent­ment de­stroys love. And the longer you stay mad at your part­ner, the harder it will be to rekin­dle any­thing, let alone ro­mance. Here are ways you can put re­spect back in your re­la­tion­ship:

Un­der­stand your worth

Self-es­teem isn’t about think­ing you are bet­ter than oth­ers. How­ever, you should have an un­shake­able con­vic­tion that your thoughts, feel­ings and body war­rant re­spect. If you are truly con­vinced that you are wor­thy of re­spect, oth­ers are un­likely to doubt it.

Act hon­or­ably

While our fun­da­men­tal hu­man dig­nity calls for re­spect, be­ing a per­son of char­ac­ter makes it eas­ier for peo­ple to re­spect you. Peo­ple who act with in­tegrity rarely do any­thing to harm an­other per­son; ac­cord­ingly, such peo­ple are more likely to be re­spected by oth­ers.

Set and up­hold bound­aries

When you love some­one, it’s easy to let cer­tain things slide. “He or she didn’t re­ally mean it.” “It was just that one time.” If you find your­self reg­u­larly mak­ing ex­cuses for your part­ner, he or she may be tak­ing ad­van­tage of you. It is up to you to pro­tect your worth and your bound­aries from any­one who would un­der­mine them.

Be a man or woman of your word

When you lie to your part­ner or break prom­ises, you weaken the trust in the re­la­tion­ship. And lack of trust of­ten leads to a lack of re­spect.

Show re­spect

To truly be re­spected, we must also re­spect. If you can’t find any­thing in your part­ner worth re­spect­ing, con­sider why you are even in the re­la­tion­ship. If just a few of your part­ner’s ac­tions or at­ti­tudes are caus­ing mis­trust or re­sent­ment, ac­tively ad­dress those is­sues.

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