‘End the af­fair with dig­nity’

Hindustan Times (Patna) - Live - - Lifestyle -

I’ve been in a re­la­tion­ship for four years. Now, I feel I don’t love her any­more. She has sac­ri­ficed a lot in these four years for our re­la­tion­ship. I’m con­fused. Should I con­tinue in the re­la­tion­ship or end it? VJ

The short an­swer is, end it. But my editor says I must write at least three lines, even if it’s the same line. Even if it is the same line. (Sorry, needed to do that). The point is, if you do not love her, you’ve got your an­swer. Why live a lie? You’ll end it sooner or later any­way. I know you don’t want to be cruel, but drag­ging her through a fraud is worse. Some­how be bold, you can do this by be­ing on the level with this girl. Please re­spect her by end­ing it in a dig­ni­fied way.

I broke up with my boyfriend af­ter a year be­cause of my stud­ies. There were ups and downs as well. I have now re­alised how much I love him. But, he doesn’t love me any­more. I can’t bear the fact that he has started lik­ing another girl. Should I con­fess ev­ery­thing or leave it on time? JD

It was Camu who said, ‘Don’t fin­ish my chips Mar­garet’. This state­ment of course has noth­ing to do with you, but on that par­tic­u­lar day when Camu didn’t get any chips for din­ner, he made his most mem­o­rable point, which was, ‘Chil­dren who put stud­ies be­fore love will de­velop skinny legs’. The deeper mean­ing in this state­ment ap­plies to you. Home­work and stud­ies have their place, but they can­not be used as an ex­cuse to post­pone love. Just like in one day you can eat, drink, use the bath­room (and in some cases eat again) so can you study, love, drink, eat, use the bath­room, and in some cases, study while us­ing the bath­room. Now, JD, all you all you can do is go to him and tell him how you feel, and let me tell you that he has most likely moved on. Yet, for your clo­sure, speak to him, but never ever use ex­cuses to post­pone love again.

I’m mar­ried and have a baby. When­ever my hus­band gets money, he wastes it and never buys me any­thing. When I in­sist, he buys stuff for my daugh­ter and his fam­ily. He com­plains to my in-laws about me. If I say some­thing, he is ready to hit me. What should I do? PN

PN, this is a be­havioural prob­lem. Your hubby seems to be a self­cen­tred, self­ish and an

in­sen­si­tive miser. Please tell your hus­band that there are only two words that are the se­cret to a mar­riage: joint ac­counts. I in­sist on a joint ac­count; with­hold sex, with­hold food, with­hold ci­vil­ity, but in­sist on a joint ac­count. Ex­plain to the buf­foon you mar­ried that mar­riage is about ‘we’ not ‘he’. Of course, di­vorce is about ‘us’, but let’s not go there. Who says he gets to be fi­nance min­is­ter? God, No! And if he raises his hand on you again, two words: Po­lice sta­tion.

My hus­band mostly stays in Goa due to work, and comes to Mum­bai once in 15 days. I like a boy in my of­fice. I like his com­pany. I think he also loves me. We have be­come very close. I don’t want to cheat on my hus­band. So with much dif­fi­culty, I didn’t talk to the boy for 15 days. But, now we have started chat­ting again. How do I keep away from him? SA

Mar­riages are like cars, they have to be ser­viced. And un­for­tu­nately, you are the me­chanic your­self. If your hubby’s so­journ is tem­po­rary, fine. But if it is long term, bet­ter talk to him of an al­ter­na­tive. Oth­er­wise, hu­man na­ture cou­pled with lone­li­ness, cou­pled with boy in tight pants will cause you to stray. And I’ve never un­der­stood why two peo­ple who get mar­ried de­cided to live apart. I thought that was di­vorce. This tech age is so con­fus­ing.

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from India

© PressReader. All rights reserved.