‘Don’t be in a hurry to find love’

Hindustan Times (Patna) - Live - - Lifestyle -

Since the last one year, I’ve been in a re­la­tion­ship with my cousin sis­ter’s ex-boyfriend. I haven’t been able to tell her about my af­fair, and be­cause of this rea­son, the dis­tance be­tween me and her has grown. How should I make my cousin un­der­stand?

DC

DC, when Chanookah of the Cherookee was about to cut off his fa­ther-in­law’s big toe as a pun­ish­ment for not tak­ing a bath regularly, he did it openly and be­fore the en­tire tribe, in­clud­ing the horses chick­ens and hogs. It sounds like your cousin knows what’s hap­pen­ing be­hind her back and around her hips. In any case, un­less her ex was re­ally ugly, with warts ev­ery­where and bad breath, news of your al­liance with Mr X would never be pleas­ing to her ears. Just come clean and then give her time. No point pre­tend­ing oth­er­wise. Even­tu­ally, most peo­ple come around. Chanookah’s fa­ther-in-law for­gave Chanookah un­til,

of course, Chanookah had his head shaved for em­bez­zling public funds ... but that’s another story. I be­came friends with a lady who knew my step cousin. She wanted to get into a re­la­tion­ship with me, but I wasn’t ready at that time. Later, I pro­posed to her. Now, I want to be out of this. We aren’t in touch with each other; her num­ber isn’t work­ing. Should I let go of her with­out in­form­ing her or some­how con­tact her and tell her that I want to breakup?

VD

VD, The Cow­ards Al­manac — also known as The Com­plete Be­gin­ners’ Guide to Dar­pok­gin — (which has me as its editor) gives many easy es­capes from re­la­tion­ships. I’ll list a cou­ple: a) Leave the coun­try; b) Join Radhe Ma’s cult; c) Hide in your closet for six years; d) Be­come a spec­ta­tor at Bara­bati Sta­dium in Cut­tack. Run­ning away from con­fronta­tion with the girl is a noble thought and I ap­plaud it. Like Ham­let, you have two choices — learn Dan­ish or speak English. If you de­cide to not con­front, I’m sure at some point she will get the mes­sage. I have been in a re­la­tion­ship with a Mum­bai-based guy for the last two months. I stay in Delhi. We have not met as yet. He said he is go­ing to come this month to meet me. We love each other. But af­ter a month into the re­la­tion­ship, I met an online friend and he too seemed to be in­ter­ested in me. He knows that I am com­mit­ted. I in­dulged in some things with him which I shouldn’t have. I feel like I am cheat­ing on my boyfriend. Should I break up with my boyfriend? Or should I stop meet­ing my friend?

AK

What boyfriend? Your story is like ‘Phan­tom of the Op­eras’ mi­nus the makeup and singing. You’ve never met the Mum­bai guy. Even a car is test-driven be­fore it is bought. I buy the car sales­man as I al­ways for­get my li­cence in my old car. Ice-cream is tasted be­fore it’s pre­pared. At least, give the same re­spect to your re­la­tion­ship that you gave to ice­cream. You seem to be too much in a hurry to find and ce­ment your love. Un­til you meet your in­ter­net love, ac­tively date and get to know him. I think the phone lines are still open. Stop feel­ing guilty and take your time and savour your ice-cream be­fore you buy the whole fam­ily pack. I’ve been dat­ing a guy for the last nine months. The only thing that both­ers me is that he of­ten asks for the pic­tures of my body parts. He has ad­mit­ted that he is ob­sessed with breasts. Although the pic­tures may be safe with him, I have made it clear to him that I am un­com­fort­able shar­ing them with him. But he doesn’t un­der­stand. I love him and I do see my fu­ture with him.

Girl in dis­tress

Girlji, why con­fine the deal to mankind? He likes breasts, let’s give him breasts! Cows have ud­ders, oth­ers have mam­mary glands. Even the rhi­noc­eros has some chest. And why stop at just fe­male species? Some In­dian males and the bull frog have a lot go­ing their way too. The way I see it, if you’re com­fort­able with this pic­ture thing, then it is fine. Oth­er­wise, draw the line in the sand. now. And please vin­di­cate this fine young man with fe­male pec­torals from our coun­try cousins. I highly rec­om­mend the ba­boon who he may find is more than a kin­dred spirit to him.

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