DID YOU JUST GET BENCHED?

Af­ter ghost­ing, bench­ing is one of the lat­est ad­di­tions to the mod­ern dat­ing dic­tio­nary

Hindustan Times (Patna) - Live - - Time out - Ab­hi­nav Verma ab­hi­nav.verma@hin­dus­tan­times.com

Anew word makes it way into the mod­ern day dat­ing dic­tio­nary now and then. Af­ter ghost­ing, where your po­ten­tial part­ner van­ishes with­out in­form­ing you, bench­ing is the new dat­ing term which ev­ery­one is talk­ing about, as it is af­fect­ing a grow­ing num­ber of re­la­tion­ships. You ‘bench’ some­one when you start dat­ing a per­son and you re­alise that prob­a­bly he/she isn’t the one for you. But in­stead of break­ing up, you keep the per­son as a backup op­tion, and keep giv­ing false hope.

“Un­like ghost­ing, peo­ple don’t van­ish in bench­ing but they only mes­sage when things are not work­ing out with their part­ner or when they hit a rocky patch in their re­la­tion­ship,” says Pulkit Sharma, psy­chol­o­gist. The idea be­hind bench­ing is that if things don’t work out with op­tion A, then there is al­ways an op­tion B.

Time and con­ve­nience also play a part in bench­ing. “Young­sters don’t have the time and pa­tience for com­mit­ment that a se­ri­ous re­la­tion­ship re­quires. Benchers view re­la­tion­ships as an ex­ten­sion of so­cial me­dia friend­ship and chats, wherein you chat with mul­ti­ple friends and meet them as per con­ve­nience,” says Shivani Misri Sad­hoo, re­la­tion­ship ex­pert.

IS IT THE FEAR OF BE­ING SIN­GLE?

Peo­ple of­ten bench or put up with bench­ing be­cause they are scared of be­ing alone. “At times, peo­ple also want to present an im­age of them­selves that they are de­sir­able, that they al­ways have some­one with them,” adds Sharma. “Some of the peo­ple who get benched have a low self es­teem and have a ten­dency to un­der­value them­selves,” he ex­plains.

Peo­ple al­low them­selves to get benched be­cause ‘it’s short, hassle free and con­ve­nient’. “To an ex­tent, bench­ing dates are bet­ter than ghost­ing dates where one part­ner van­ishes once their de­sires and so­cial needs are ful­filled,” says Sad­hoo.

Some­times, peo­ple who get benched aren’t even aware of it. “I had no clue that I was get­ting benched. It hurt a lot when I re­alised my role and im­por­tance in the life of the per­son I was see­ing. You should not be with some­one just for the sake of it, so I called off the re­la­tion­ship,” says Ar­jun Shankar, 26, ad­ver­tis­ing pro­fes­sional.

Some be­lieve that there is no harm in test­ing the wa­ters be­fore tak­ing the plunge. “It’s fair if both par­ties are hon­est about it. They should know what they are get­ting into,” says Mi­hir Misra, 26, busi­ness­man.

How­ever, bench­ing can lead to a tricky sit­u­a­tion. “You

might end up feel­ing used and be­ing treated un­fairly. Mov­ing on can be tough for cer­tain peo­ple,” says Sharma.

PHOTO: IS­TOCK

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