Why hound her if she’s getting over someone?
I know a guy from my neighbourhood. And, sometime back, his behaviour changed because he was in love with me. I wanted to focus on my goals and didn’t react. He didn’t propose to me either. Currently, he has shifted somewhere else. I miss him a lot and just can’t get the thought of being with him out of my mind. I am scared he might have found someone else. What should I do? A Confused Personality
With this ‘late’ attitude, you’ll never catch a flight, forget a boyfriend. Anyhow, you need to move with alacrity and speed. Luckily in the digital age, anyone can be tracked down, even if they’ve gone to join ISIS. By the way, ISIS, is also called ISIC, which is also a little confusing. Find him, and tell him your thoughts, as Manto once told me as we boarded a delayed flight at Lucknow airport, “Better later than never”
I am 26 and I get anxious about my marriage. My parents are pressurising me to get married because they feel it’s the right age. I told them I am stressed, but don’t seem to care. I am not dating anyone, so it will be an arranged marriage. My parents want me to get married to someone they have selected. As a first step, what should I ask him when I meet him? SS
SS, here’s my theory. Arranged and love marriages are actually quite similar. (a) They involve 2 people. (b) After a couple of years you badly need a break. (c) Ultimately the other person’s habits irritate you, and it makes a little difference, if it was ‘arranged’ or ‘love’ in the first place. However you need to find out a few things such as (a) Is the proposer a psychopath? (b) Is he a communist? (c) Does he want to join films? (d) Does he already have a girlfriend? If he answers no to at least 2/4 of these questions, he’s passed my test for marriage. But bear in mind, my standards are very low. And also I’m not the one about to get married. SS, don’t worry, get to know the guy if he seems kind and gentle, that’s great. In any case after a few years you are bound to disappoint each other anyway. That’s the secret of all good marriages.
A friend of mine, whom I love, is consulting a psychiatrist because she can’t get over her breakup even after two years. Her ex got married recently and she couldn’t handle the mental trauma. When I proposed to her, she said she wasn’t interested. Should I keep pursuing a person who needs professional help to get over her past? Yoyo
Yoyo, consulting a Psychiatrist doesn’t mean your life is falling apart. It means you are trying to put it all back in order. I too have consulted a psychiatrist, but my reason was a higher one, because it was free. But Yoyo, common sense, which is now available in packets of 8 at any chemist with a prescription, will tell you that you can’t hound her while she’s licking her wounds. Why suffocate her when she’s trying to overcome a bad breakup? If you do that, it looks like you are the one in need of a psychiatrist. Avoid proposals for now, keep a little distance, and just be her friend.