Why hound her if she’s get­ting over some­one?

Hindustan Times (Patna) - Live - - Lifestyle -

I know a guy from my neigh­bour­hood. And, some­time back, his be­hav­iour changed be­cause he was in love with me. I wanted to fo­cus on my goals and didn’t re­act. He didn’t pro­pose to me ei­ther. Cur­rently, he has shifted some­where else. I miss him a lot and just can’t get the thought of be­ing with him out of my mind. I am scared he might have found some­one else. What should I do? A Con­fused Per­son­al­ity

With this ‘late’ at­ti­tude, you’ll never catch a flight, for­get a boyfriend. Any­how, you need to move with alacrity and speed. Luck­ily in the dig­i­tal age, any­one can be tracked down, even if they’ve gone to join ISIS. By the way, ISIS, is also called ISIC, which is also a lit­tle con­fus­ing. Find him, and tell him your thoughts, as Manto once told me as we boarded a de­layed flight at Luc­know air­port, “Bet­ter later than never”

I am 26 and I get anx­ious about my mar­riage. My par­ents are pres­suris­ing me to get mar­ried be­cause they feel it’s the right age. I told them I am stressed, but don’t seem to care. I am not dat­ing any­one, so it will be an ar­ranged mar­riage. My par­ents want me to get mar­ried to some­one they have se­lected. As a first step, what should I ask him when I meet him? SS

SS, here’s my the­ory. Ar­ranged and love mar­riages are ac­tu­ally quite sim­i­lar. (a) They in­volve 2 peo­ple. (b) After a cou­ple of years you badly need a break. (c) Ul­ti­mately the other per­son’s habits ir­ri­tate you, and it makes a lit­tle dif­fer­ence, if it was ‘ar­ranged’ or ‘love’ in the first place. How­ever you need to find out a few things such as (a) Is the pro­poser a psy­chopath? (b) Is he a com­mu­nist? (c) Does he want to join films? (d) Does he al­ready have a girl­friend? If he an­swers no to at least 2/4 of these ques­tions, he’s passed my test for mar­riage. But bear in mind, my stan­dards are very low. And also I’m not the one about to get mar­ried. SS, don’t worry, get to know the guy if he seems kind and gen­tle, that’s great. In any case after a few years you are bound to dis­ap­point each other any­way. That’s the se­cret of all good mar­riages.

A friend of mine, whom I love, is con­sult­ing a psy­chi­a­trist be­cause she can’t get over her breakup even after two years. Her ex got mar­ried re­cently and she couldn’t han­dle the men­tal trauma. When I pro­posed to her, she said she wasn’t in­ter­ested. Should I keep pur­su­ing a per­son who needs pro­fes­sional help to get over her past? Yoyo

Yoyo, con­sult­ing a Psy­chi­a­trist doesn’t mean your life is fall­ing apart. It means you are try­ing to put it all back in or­der. I too have con­sulted a psy­chi­a­trist, but my rea­son was a higher one, be­cause it was free. But Yoyo, com­mon sense, which is now avail­able in pack­ets of 8 at any chemist with a pre­scrip­tion, will tell you that you can’t hound her while she’s lick­ing her wounds. Why suf­fo­cate her when she’s try­ing to over­come a bad breakup? If you do that, it looks like you are the one in need of a psy­chi­a­trist. Avoid pro­pos­als for now, keep a lit­tle dis­tance, and just be her friend.

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