‘If you don’t love him, there’s no point in go­ing on, but do a slow bail out’

Hindustan Times (Patna) - Live - - Lifestyle -

I am 30, and hap­pily mar­ried. When­ever I go to malls, shop­ping cen­tres or any pub­lic places, women stand very close to me try to touch me. Even good look­ing women from rich fam­i­lies have done it. What is their in­ten­tion and is ig­nor­ing them enough to avoid them?

Con­fused Soul

You are, Mr.Con­fused Soul, ei­ther one of the two luck­i­est guys in the world, or ac­tu­ally the luck­i­est guy in the world. So firstly, con­grat­u­la­tions are in or­der. Well done! Women, ob­vi­ously are drawn to your pure, raw, an­i­mal mag­netism. We see sim­i­lar be­hav­iour amongst hip­popota­muses. Not that I’m call­ing you a hippo. And not that be­ing a hippo is a bad thing. How­ever, the most de­sired hippo male is con­stantly ca­ressed by all fe­males of all ages and shapes and sizes. (Yes even hip­pos have dif­fer­ent shapes and sizes, read the la­bels on their backs if you don’t be­lieve

me.) You have two op­tions, en­joy the at­ten­tion, or con­stantly tell them to leave you alone. You can’t help your sex­i­ness. It’s not your fault, that you’re Ado­nis him­self.

I had a crush on a girl from my coaching class. Now, my coaching term has ended and she is dat­ing some­one else. I can’t for­get her. Please help.

HG

This, HG, is my big­gest grouse with coaching classes. This, and the fact that there are fans placed too high. Which re­sults in the air never reach­ing you while you are sit­ting in class. My grouse is while they try to teach you about the sub­ject, they for­get to teach you about life. The Eskimo King, ‘EGrook the Re­verse’, ac­tu­ally came up with a re­vamped look at ed­u­ca­tion, He in­sisted on life’s teach­ing only. Things like, “if you stand in a boil­ing caul­dron for more than 30 sec­onds it may hurt”. In your tu­ition class, they for­get to in­form you about the im­por­tance of tim­ing. In­stead of wast­ing time on ed­u­ca­tion, you should have pur­sued the girl. Now she has gone, and so has the class. You have 3 choices. (a) Join an­other coaching class, (b) Find an­other girl, and (c) Call her up, and try your luck. I per­son­ally feel you’ve missed the boat, so sign up some­where else and move on. I have been dat­ing a guy for the last four years. Now, he has failed in his ex­ams, my par­ents have got to know about our re­la­tion­ship and I don’t love him any­more. He loves me a lot. How do I get out of this mess?

SG Oops, what a time for you to bail out. SG, his world is crum­bling, he’s failed his ex­ams, if you leave him right now, it could be al­most as painful as re­mov­ing a her­nia with­out be­ing anaes­thetised. Which, I’m sure is an op­tion he’d pre­fer if you of­fered it to him. Yet, if you don’t love him, there’s no point in go­ing on. But it’s a del­i­cate time for him, so I think you do a slow bail out. Help him re­gain his com­po­sure, be­fore you cru­elly pull the rug from un­der his feet. When you feel his con­fi­dence is back, you can hand in your res­ig­na­tion. Of course, that will shat­ter his con­fi­dence again, but the only other op­tion is to wait 20 years and pre­tend to love him. I’ve tried that, and it’s ex­actly like the above men­tioned Her­nia thing.

I like my best friend. I think he likes me too. He has been avoid­ing me for some time. But, when­ever we come face to face, he makes eye con­tact with me. Now, I am con­fused whether he re­ally likes me. How can I clear my con­fu­sion?

Con­fused

When he makes eye con­tact, does he also poke you in the nose? Does he break into a Ra­jasthani folk sing? Does he make bird mat­ing sounds? Just eye con­tact is a good thing, but it’s not the only thing, Con­fusedji. Eye con­tact + avoid­ance, is an equa­tion that is nor­mally associated with love. It’s called ‘am­biva­lence’. Don’t clear the con­fu­sion. Let the con­fu­sion grow. Para­dox­i­cally, con­fu­sion grows to clar­ity these days. There is in­ter­est, why ac­cel­er­ate and cause trou­ble. Let the river flow as it will. Im­prove the qual­ity of your com­mu­ni­ca­tion and con­nec­tion, and all else will nat­u­rally fol­low.

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