The ex files!
Canadian rappermusician Drake has always been in the news for his relationships. Reportedly, he started dating Barbadian singer Rihanna in May 2009 and they were in an on-and-off relationship for a few years. In August 2016, during the MTV Video Music Awards, Drake presented Rihanna with the Michael Jackson Video Vanguard award and said, “She’s someone I’ve been in love with since I was 22 years old.”
Two months later, reports emerged that the duo had parted ways and that Drake had started dating singeractor Jennifer Lopez. J-Lo confirmed the relationship in December 2016 by posting pictures of them online. But, a few months later, she dumped him to be with Alex Rodriguez. Currently, Rihanna has been linked to Saudi billionaire Hassan Jameel and JLo is still dating Rodriguez.
News reports say, ‘Drake is frustrated that JLo and Rihanna have found guys that they are falling for hard. He is not taking defeat lightly.’
LIVING IN THE PAST
According to Suyog V Jaiswal, assistant professor in psychiatry, people who find themselves in such a situation are the ones who haven’t moved on from their past. He says, “Not many people would mind if their exes dated someone else. However, for those who have not moved on and are still longing for their ex, the former partner dating someone else may be a terrible experience. They perceive it as cheating and betrayal.” He adds, “People who are dominating and possessive in relationships may have even more difficulty in handling the fact that their ex is dating someone else as they tend to interpret the new relationship of their ex as a comment on their perceived inadequacies. It may lead to anger towards oneself and the ex. This may lead to the use of addictive substances such as alcohol to mellow down the feelings of emptiness.”
So, how do you cope with such a situation or rather state of mind? Jaiswal says that this depends from person to person. He says, “Such people should engage themselves in productive activities such as outings, socialising with friends, avoiding comparison of oneself with the partner of your ex and focusing on resolution of one’s possessive feelings towards the ex.”
Also, post a breakup, many people still remain friends with their ex lovers. So, can a person, who has found a new partner post a breakup, help an ex overcome the grief ? Mary George Varghese, consulting clinical psychologist, says it depends on how the couple broke up. She says, “If the separation was mutual and a healthy one, there is always scope for supporting each other to begin a new life with another person. If the break up was painful or ended in a rage, there is no way these two people can support each other.”
If the break up was painful or ended in a rage, there is no way these two people can support each other. SUYOG V JAISWAL, ASSISTANT PROFESSOR IN PSYCHIATRY
Drake with Jennifer Lopez in a photo that was posted online by the latter (above); with Rihanna at the MTV VMA (left)