The ex files!

Hindustan Times (Patna) - Live - - Lifestyle - Collin Ro­drigues­drigues@hin­dus­tan­

Cana­dian rap­per­mu­si­cian Drake has al­ways been in the news for his re­la­tion­ships. Re­port­edly, he started dat­ing Bar­ba­dian singer Ri­hanna in May 2009 and they were in an on-and-off re­la­tion­ship for a few years. In Au­gust 2016, dur­ing the MTV Video Mu­sic Awards, Drake pre­sented Ri­hanna with the Michael Jack­son Video Van­guard award and said, “She’s some­one I’ve been in love with since I was 22 years old.”

Two months later, re­ports emerged that the duo had parted ways and that Drake had started dat­ing singer­ac­tor Jen­nifer Lopez. J-Lo con­firmed the re­la­tion­ship in De­cem­ber 2016 by post­ing pic­tures of them on­line. But, a few months later, she dumped him to be with Alex Ro­driguez. Cur­rently, Ri­hanna has been linked to Saudi bil­lion­aire Has­san Jameel and JLo is still dat­ing Ro­driguez.

News re­ports say, ‘Drake is frus­trated that JLo and Ri­hanna have found guys that they are fall­ing for hard. He is not taking de­feat lightly.’


Ac­cord­ing to Suyog V Jaiswal, as­sis­tant pro­fes­sor in psychiatry, peo­ple who find them­selves in such a sit­u­a­tion are the ones who haven’t moved on from their past. He says, “Not many peo­ple would mind if their exes dated some­one else. How­ever, for those who have not moved on and are still long­ing for their ex, the for­mer part­ner dat­ing some­one else may be a ter­ri­ble ex­pe­ri­ence. They per­ceive it as cheat­ing and be­trayal.” He adds, “Peo­ple who are dom­i­nat­ing and pos­ses­sive in re­la­tion­ships may have even more dif­fi­culty in han­dling the fact that their ex is dat­ing some­one else as they tend to in­ter­pret the new re­la­tion­ship of their ex as a com­ment on their per­ceived in­ad­e­qua­cies. It may lead to anger to­wards one­self and the ex. This may lead to the use of ad­dic­tive sub­stances such as al­co­hol to mel­low down the feel­ings of empti­ness.”


So, how do you cope with such a sit­u­a­tion or rather state of mind? Jaiswal says that this de­pends from per­son to per­son. He says, “Such peo­ple should en­gage them­selves in pro­duc­tive ac­tiv­i­ties such as out­ings, so­cial­is­ing with friends, avoid­ing com­par­i­son of one­self with the part­ner of your ex and fo­cus­ing on res­o­lu­tion of one’s pos­ses­sive feel­ings to­wards the ex.”

Also, post a breakup, many peo­ple still re­main friends with their ex lovers. So, can a per­son, who has found a new part­ner post a breakup, help an ex over­come the grief ? Mary Ge­orge Vargh­ese, con­sult­ing clin­i­cal psy­chol­o­gist, says it de­pends on how the cou­ple broke up. She says, “If the sep­a­ra­tion was mu­tual and a healthy one, there is al­ways scope for sup­port­ing each other to be­gin a new life with an­other per­son. If the break up was painful or ended in a rage, there is no way these two peo­ple can sup­port each other.”

If the break up was painful or ended in a rage, there is no way these two peo­ple can sup­port each other. SUYOG V JAISWAL, AS­SIS­TANT PRO­FES­SOR IN PSYCHIATRY


Drake with Jen­nifer Lopez in a photo that was posted on­line by the lat­ter (above); with Ri­hanna at the MTV VMA (left)

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