The es­sen­tial words of 2012

You may not have heard them but they tell you all you need to know about last year

Hindustan Times (Patna) - - NATION - Char­lie Brooker

There were many words and phrases that made it big in 2012. Om­nisham­bles. Gang­nam Style. Fifty Shades of Pleb. There were also many words and phrases that never made the head­lines, be­cause they didn’t ex­ist. But now they do, be­cause I’ve just cre­ated them for this, your cut-out-and­keep Dic­tionary of New Words: 2012 edi­tion.

ARM­CHAIR PAR­A­LYMPIAN (noun): Some­one un­able to use their legs for the du­ra­tion of an ex­cit­ing tele­vised sport­ing event.

CHADULT MOVIES (noun): Big-bud­get mo­tion pic­tures fea­tur­ing chil­dren’s characters and in­fan­tile themes that are nev­er­the­less pop­u­lar with adults on ac­count of ei­ther their quasi­ironic ap­peal ( Marvel Avengers) or dark and pre­ten­tious stylings ( The Dark Knight Rises).

CRY TROLL (verb): Of a celebrity, to claim any mem­ber of the pub­lic ut­ter­ing even the mildest crit­i­cism is noth­ing but an at­ten­tion-seek­ing ‘troll’ whose piti­ful so-called ex­is­tence is sev­eral rungs be­low that of the lowli­est sil­ver­fish.

CUPCAKED CRU­SADER (noun): The sort of per­son who, de­spite hav­ing a framed ‘Keep Calm and Carry On’ poster on their wall, gets vo­cif­er­ously morally out­raged by 25 dif­fer­ent things over the course of the av­er­age morn­ing on Twit­ter.

FREE­DOM SCREECH (noun): The

OF demo­cratic right of any in­ter­net user to say what­ever they like, as ob­nox­iously as they pos­si­bly can, to ab­so­lutely any­one at any time, with­out the slight­est re­proach or re­crim­i­na­tion.

GUILTISH (ad­jec­tive): To be 100% guilty of some­thing in the eyes of the me­dia.

MOBOGLYPHICS (noun): The phe­nom­e­non of sim­ple vis­ual trade­mark ges­tures be­ing widely copied by large num­bers of fans for means of comic ef­fect or lov­ing trib­ute, eg the ‘Mobot’, Usain Bolt’s ‘light­ning’ pose, the Gang­nam Style ‘rodeo twirl’, Adolf Hitler’s ‘Sieg Heil’, etc. Se­man­tic ex­perts claim that if cur­rent trends con­tinue, hu­man com­mu­ni­ca­tion will con­sist solely of eight- char­ac­ter tweets and In­sta­grammed moboglyphics by the year 2017.

SCHOFEELING (noun): The vague sus­pi­cion that some­one might be a pae­dophile be­cause of some­thing you read about them on the in­ter­net/the glint in their eye dur­ing a vin­tage Top of the Pops re­peat/a News­night in­ves­ti­ga­tion.

YOLONELINESS (noun): i) The pow­er­ful sense of iso­la­tion a be­wil­dered 21st cen­tury id­iot at­tempts to stave off by brag­ging about her wit­less ex­ploits on so­cial net­works, ac­com­pa­ny­ing each boast with a mod­ish hash­tag. ii) Angst ex­pe­ri­enced af­ter los­ing all of one’s friends fol­low­ing a pro­tracted bout of on­line brag­gado­cio, of­ten en­hanced by the grim re­al­i­sa­tion that the maxim ‘you only live once’ works equally well as a warn­ing against such hubris­tic care­less­ness, so maybe you should’ve frig­ging well heeded it eh #yolo.

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