Reader's Digest (India) - - Contents -

It’s the best medicine.

Ev­ery time Bey­oncé types out her name, she has to Google “Poké­mon” and then copy and paste the é.

Mark Leggett, co­me­dian

In­side a su­per­mar­ket, a woman spots a grand­fa­ther and his poorly be­haved three-year-old grand­son. “Easy, Wil­liam,” says the grand­fa­ther calmly. “We won’t be long.” In the cookie aisle, the woman hears a shrill, “I want cook­ies! Gimme cook­ies!”

“It’s OK, Wil­liam, just a cou­ple more min­utes, and we’ll be out of here. Just hang on; you’re do­ing great,” says the grand­fa­ther. At the check­out, the child screams, “Choco­late! I want choco­lates!” “Wil­liam, Wil­liam, re­lax, pal. Don’t get up­set. We’ll be home in five min­utes.” The woman is im­pressed.

“You’re amaz­ing,” she tells the grand­fa­ther. “You kept your com­po­sure no mat­ter how loud he got. Wil­liam is very lucky to have you as a grandpa.” “Thanks,” replies the grand­fa­ther. “But I’m Wil­liam. The lit­tle fel­low is Kevin.”

Miguel Campiglia

A mil­lion­aire, a con­struc­tion worker, and a cheap­skate are at a bar. When they get their beers, they no­tice a fly in each mug. The mil­lion­aire po­litely asks the bar­tender for another beer, then sips the new one. The con­struc­tion worker spills out just enough to get rid of the fly and gulps down the rest. It’s now the cheap­skate’s turn: He sticks his hand into the beer, grabs the fly by the wings, and shouts, “Spit it out! Spit it out!”

A her­mit leaves the soli­tude of his ru­ral home and ven­tures into town for the first time in his life to try to get a loan. In­side the bank,

he tells the man­ager, “I want to bor­row 50,000 bucks to build a bath­room in my house.”

“I don’t be­lieve I know you,” says the man­ager. “Where have you done your busi­ness be­fore?”

The her­mit replies, “Out back in the woods.”

Adam Joshua Smar­gon

A wife, be­ing the ro­man­tic sort, sent her hus­band an SMS: “If you are sleep­ing, send me your dreams. If you are laugh­ing, send me your smile. If you are eat­ing, send me a bite.

If you are drink­ing, send me a sip. If you are cry­ing, send me your tears. I love you!”

The hus­band, be­ing the un­ro­man- tic sort, replied: “I am on the toi­let. Please ad­vise.”

Naima Saeed

Did you ever no­tice that from the time you hang up the phone un­til the pizza guy shows up, the only con­ver­sa­tion you have is “Where’s the guy with our pizza?”

Bob Mar­ley, co­me­dian

A man walks into a seafood store car­ry­ing a trout un­der his arm.

“Do you make fish cakes?” he asked.

“Yes, we do,” replied the fish­mon­ger.

“Great,” said the man. “It’s his birth­day.”

“Look what the ice cream man gave me for your iPhone!”

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