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ALL IN A DAY’S WORK

Be­cause a lu­nar eclipse was sched­uled for that evening, I told my stu­dents that their home­work as­sign­ment was to go look at it. One of them asked, “What chan­nel is it on?” S.A.

Our pro­fes­sor of medicine ex­plained to our batch of house sur­geons how to make pa­tients’ case records. “Record the con­di­tion of higher func­tions like the state of con­scious­ness, cog­ni­tion, speech, etc, first,” he said. “Only then should you record mo­tor ac­tiv­i­ties, in­take of food and other lower func­tions.”

The next day, the pro­fes­sor asked one of us to present the case record of a pa­tient trans­ferred from ca­su­alty. Ob­vi­ously, my col­league took the les­son too lit­er­ally. “The pa­tient is un­con­scious, speech­less,” he wrote. “He is not mov­ing his limbs, not tak­ing food or wa­ter...”

Dr N.M. Mo­hammed Ali, Thiruvananthapuram

In­ter­viewer: What would you say are your strengths? In­ter­vie­wee: Arms and back.

From over­heardinthe­of­fice.com

To reg­is­ter her child for our school, a mother filled out a num­ber of forms. For the ques­tion “Lan­guage spo­ken at home,” she’d an­swered: “Gen­er­ally good lan­guage, un­less I get mad.”

Pa­tri­cia Drake

For­mer Amer­i­can col­lege foot­ball TV an­nouncer Craig James was cel­e­brated by a web­site with a name that should tell you what it thinks of him: aw­fu­lan­nounc­ing.com Here are a few gems from James: “If he wasn’t a quiet guy, he would be a vo­cal leader.”

“It’s not even close, and it’s re­ally close right now.”

“The whole com­plex­ity

of this game could’ve been dif­fer­ent.”

“I’m all for it. I’m not com­pletely against it.”

Af­ter hand­ing in my fi­nal exam on moral the­ol­ogy at the Gre­go­rian Univer­sity in Rome, I watched ner­vously as the pro­fes­sor, a pri­est, put his head in his hands and be­gan to shake it back and forth.

“I’m sorry, Fa­ther,” I said. “I guess I’m not ex­press­ing my­self very well in Ital­ian.”

“Oh no, Fa­ther, you speak Ital­ian quite well,” he re­sponded. “You sim­ply have no idea what you’re talk­ing about.”

Fr Kevin Dono­van

I called a pa­tient to con­firm an ap­point­ment with the doc­tor I work for, and her hus­band an­swered. “Hello, may I speak with Anna?” “Who?” he said. “Anna.” “Santa?” “No, Anna.” “Who is this?” “This is the doc­tor’s of­fice call­ing for Anna.” “Who?” “The doc­tor’s of­fice call­ing for Anna!”

“Oh, Anna,” he said. “You bet­ter talk to me; Anna’s hard of hear­ing.”

D.P.

“Well done, well-done, or well, done?”

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