Life’s Like That

Reader's Digest (India) - - Contents -

My friend for­got his lap­top on the floor of my room. My grandma thought it was a weigh­ing scale. Con­clu­sion: My grandma weighs ₹ 30,500.

From awe­somephilia. com

As I stepped out of the shower, I heard some­one in my kitchen down­stairs. Know­ing that my wife was out, I grabbed my 1903 heir­loom ri­fle—which no longer works—and crept down­stairs, for­get­ting the fact that I was in my birth­day suit.

I came around the cor­ner with the gun raised, only to find my wife load­ing the dish­washer.

“What are you do­ing?” she asked.

“I thought I heard an in­truder. I came down to scare him.” Scan­ning the con­tours of my soapy, naked body, she mum­bled,

“You didn’t need the gun.”

Kurt Epps

Need­ing to look up a phone num­ber at a friend’s house, my teenage daugh­ter asked for a phone book. She might as well have asked for a pa­pyrus scroll.

“A phone book?” asked her friend.

“You know,” said my daugh­ter, “a book with num­bers in it.”

“Oh,” said her friend as it dawned on her. “You mean a maths book.”

Karen Ec­cles

I was in a cloth­ing store when I heard a cus­tomer com­plain­ing to a sales­clerk.

“I love this cardi­gan, but it’s ru­ined by this big but­ton on it,” she moaned. “It’s the wrong colour, it looks ridicu­lous, and it sticks out. You should speak to the de­signer and tell them to re­make it.” The as­sis­tant replied, “Ma’am, that’s a se­cu­rity tag.”

Joanne Wilkin­son

I re­luc­tantly al­lowed my daugh­ter to drive me into town just a week af­ter she’d got her li­cence. I soon re­gret­ted it when a car stopped sud­denly in front of us. My daugh­ter swerved sharply, jumped out and started giv­ing the driver a piece of her mind.

This dried up rather quickly when she saw it was her driv­ing in­struc­tor.

Mar­ian Doyle

I went to a jum­ble sale with my hus­band, but we soon got sep­a­rated. I was look­ing around for him when a lady ap­proached and asked me if I’d lost some­one. I told her I’d lost my hus­band. She pointed to some chairs and said she’d get me a cup of tea. When she re­turned, she asked gen­tly how long ago I’d lost him.

“Not long,” I replied. “In fact, I can see him in front of me now.”

“That of­ten hap­pens,” she said sym­pa­thet­i­cally.

But she got a real shock when my hus­band sud­denly ap­peared and spoke to me. It was then we re­al­ized that this sale was in aid of a be­reave­ment char­ity.

Linda Stalker

A young Ital­ian boy called An­to­nio joined my class when I was teach­ing at a school that prided it­self on the good man­ners and be­hav­iour of its pupils.

An­to­nio, how­ever, clearly hadn’t heard the rule about run­ning in the build­ing. One day, he came charg­ing down the cor­ri­dor to­wards the head­mas­ter, who held up his hand in a “stop” mo­tion. Not un­der­stand- ing this ges­ture, An­to­nio jumped up, slapped the up­held hand in a high­five and ran straight past—leav­ing a stunned head­mas­ter be­hind!

Your anec­dote in “Life!” could be worth ₹ 1000. Post it to the Ed­i­to­rial ad­dress or e- mail: ed­i­tor. in­dia@ rd.com

Caro­line Top­ping

I moved back to my old house af­ter four years abroad, to find the gar­den very over­grown.

My brother came over to do some cut­ting back. Just af­ter he ar­rived, the young mu­si­cian who uses my garage for drum prac­tice turned up wear­ing a very smart suit. I asked him if he was go­ing to a wed­ding.

“No,” he replied, “I wore my best suit so your brother wouldn’t ask me to help him.”

Ch­eryl Cal­loway

“Wow, I haven’t seen you since school... you re­ally

haven’t changed!”

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