When the Washington Post challenged its readers to supply alternate meanings for any word in the dictionary, entries included:
Coffee ( n.): A person who is coughed upon.
Flabbergasted ( adj.): To be appalled over how much weight you have gained.
Esplanade ( v.): To attempt an explanation while drunk.
Negligent ( adj.): When you absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightie.
Lymph ( v.): To walk with a lisp.
Balderdash ( n.): Rapidly receding hairline.
Oyster ( n.): A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.