Dis­tance can sneak in be­tween a cou­ple be­fore they even re­alise it.

Savvy - - Intimate Savvy -

hang out in­de­pen­dently, this oc­ca­sional sep­a­rate so­cial­is­ing might just grow into a pat­tern where cou­ples end up spend­ing ev­ery week­end away from each other. Not a healthy sit­u­a­tion when this time could in­stead be spent bond­ing to­gether.

Be­ing de­voted par­ents is a won­der­ful thing but the strength of a fam­ily stems from the re­la­tion­ship be­tween spouses. It’s more im­por­tant for spouses to put each other first in a mar­riage, rather than their chil­dren. Giv­ing chil­dren prime im­por­tance over each other would only lead to spouses feel­ing re­sent­ful and es­tranged from each other, and also lead to chil­dren grow­ing de­mand­ing and anx­ious.

Sex­ual in­ti­macy dwin­dling be­tween you? Loss of in­ter­est and a lack of reg­u­lar in­ti­macy is a def­i­nite in­di­ca­tor of trou­ble as sex can­not be un­der­es­ti­mated for its power to bind a cou­ple pow­er­fully. Be­ing stuck in a pat­tern where one dis­tances him­self and the other chases is a key rea­son for di­vorce, as it eats away at trust and love. This un­healthy sit­u­a­tion cre­ates dishar­mony, while blam­ing the other only ag­gra­vates the is­sues and makes a com­pro­mise or apol­ogy even harder to sum­mon up. WHEN THE GO­ING GETS TOUGH… So what if your re­la­tion­ship is al­ready on rocky ground? Some dam­age con­trol could just mend the gap­ing holes. Mar­riages can sur­vive storms and

what’s more, even emerge stronger, if we work to­wards it.

Rule No.1 – Bite your tongue and hold back the crit­i­cism. Talk­ing about is­sues in a non-ac­cusatory man­ner will prove way more help­ful than ar­gu­ing and at­tack­ing your spouse. For in­stance, telling your spouse that you are up­set that he didn’t tell you about the call from his ex, given you had agreed to be hon­est with each other, will be more ben­e­fi­cial than ac­cus­ing him of never hav­ing the abil­ity to tell the truth!

Se­condly, re­solve to solve is­sues when they are fresh and nip the prob­lem in the bud. Car­ry­ing the weight of re­sent­ment is in­fin­itely more dan­ger­ous to a re­la­tion­ship than try­ing to avoid con­flict al­to­gether. That would only lead the re­la­tion­ship to stag­nate. In­stead learn the cor­rect way to ex­press your is­sues. Don’t be de­fen­sive and def­i­nitely stay away from us­ing sar­casm or show­ing scorn for your part­ner. Watch out for those non-ver­bal cues as well, such as rolling your eyes. Up the hugs as well as the sex. Touch not only calms and re­duces pain, it di­min­ishes stress, in­creases well-be­ing and builds bond­ing.

On an emo­tional level, learn to look for and ap­pre­ci­ate the good qual­i­ties in your spouse. Ex­press your grat­i­tude for the car­ing things your part­ner does. In­stead of fo­cus­ing on all the ways that you dif­fer, find and revel in your mu­tual sim­i­lar­i­ties. It’s when we learn to take re­spon­si­bil­ity for our own ac­tions, and start to ac­cept our spouse and prac­tise com­pas­sion, that our mar­riage will truly live, de­spite the in­evitable dif­fer­ences.

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