Put your ‘paranoia’ to rest!!!
..Chill and ask Salome Mitter all your questions on sex.
I’m 24 and my girlfriend and I have been in a relationship for three years. We have been having sex for the last six months. We’re both enjoying ourselves but at the same time I have this nagging feeling that we should slow down. We’ve both made it clear that we’re not looking to get married anytime soon and I’m wondering if we’re moving too fast and if our relationship will last. Am I just being paranoid? What do you think?
Daksh Pratap, Mumbai
Three years is a fairly long time. And there’s the fact that you progressed to sex just six months ago. Yours doesn’t strike me as an impetuous relationship in the least, Daksh. But it’s also true that a relationship can become intimidating if it moves too fast. And everyone’s idea of pace is different! Too overwhelming, and you probably will feel unable to carry it ahead. …Are you constantly in touch with each other? …Are you cutting off from the world, ignoring your friends? …Are you putting each other on a pedestal that you probably don’t deserve? ...Do your plans only include each other? …Are you handling each other’s money? …Are you fighting every day? If you answer no to these questions, I’d say you have nothing to worry about. If you are preserving your interests and your individuality, if you’re not going over the top trying to prove your grand passion for your lady, if your partner is not dominating everything you do, if you’re not afraid to be wholeheartedly honest… I’d say, enjoy the relationship and put your ‘paranoia’ to rest! There will come a time when the ‘honeymoon haze’ will gradually end. And by then, you might just be in a better position to decide the shape of your future.
By telling him that you love him to touch you and be physically affectionate, your relationship is increasing in intimacy.
I hate to say this but sex with my husband has become a bore. I don’t mean that there is no pleasure involved, but sometimes a girl wants a little romance. Honestly, every now and then I want flowers, candles, maybe a massage or maybe a little pillow talk. I tried to do something special once or twice but he just couldn’t get the hint. How do I bring a little romance into my sex life?
Sophie Das, Kolkata
When men behave like blockheads, the hints need to get heavier! Jokes aside, don’t tell your husband about what he’s not doing – that’s too critical and he will feel like he’s being attacked. Instead explain to him what you want and why it means so much to you. By telling him that you love him to touch you and be physically affectionate, your relationship is increasing in intimacy. Telling him that you love it when he says positive affirmations about you, will let him know how exactly to show you that he cares. Change your language to enable an open conversation, and request what you are looking for. You might also want to think about whether his manner of expressing love is simply different from yours. While for some it’s about meaningful gifts or physical touch, for your partner it could be via an act of service or quality time. Identifying your love language is key. Want to make things fun and flirty? Set the ball rolling yourself. Touch, flirt, joke. When your undemonstrative spouse makes an effort to be romantic, do let him know how happy it makes you. Positive reinforcement is vital. Also, don’t forget to find out what his favourite ways of receiving love are – and fulfil those in return. Happy loving!