Put your ‘para­noia’ to rest!!!

..Chill and ask Salome Mit­ter all your ques­tions on sex.

Savvy - - Sex Talk -

I’m 24 and my girl­friend and I have been in a re­la­tion­ship for three years. We have been hav­ing sex for the last six months. We’re both en­joy­ing our­selves but at the same time I have this nag­ging feel­ing that we should slow down. We’ve both made it clear that we’re not look­ing to get mar­ried any­time soon and I’m won­der­ing if we’re mov­ing too fast and if our re­la­tion­ship will last. Am I just be­ing para­noid? What do you think?

Daksh Pratap, Mum­bai

Three years is a fairly long time. And there’s the fact that you pro­gressed to sex just six months ago. Yours doesn’t strike me as an im­petu­ous re­la­tion­ship in the least, Daksh. But it’s also true that a re­la­tion­ship can be­come in­tim­i­dat­ing if it moves too fast. And ev­ery­one’s idea of pace is dif­fer­ent! Too over­whelm­ing, and you prob­a­bly will feel un­able to carry it ahead. …Are you con­stantly in touch with each other? …Are you cut­ting off from the world, ig­nor­ing your friends? …Are you putting each other on a pedestal that you prob­a­bly don’t de­serve? ...Do your plans only in­clude each other? …Are you han­dling each other’s money? …Are you fight­ing ev­ery day? If you an­swer no to th­ese ques­tions, I’d say you have noth­ing to worry about. If you are pre­serv­ing your in­ter­ests and your in­di­vid­u­al­ity, if you’re not go­ing over the top try­ing to prove your grand pas­sion for your lady, if your part­ner is not dom­i­nat­ing every­thing you do, if you’re not afraid to be whole­heart­edly hon­est… I’d say, en­joy the re­la­tion­ship and put your ‘para­noia’ to rest! There will come a time when the ‘hon­ey­moon haze’ will grad­u­ally end. And by then, you might just be in a bet­ter po­si­tion to de­cide the shape of your fu­ture.

By telling him that you love him to touch you and be phys­i­cally af­fec­tion­ate, your re­la­tion­ship is in­creas­ing in in­ti­macy.

I hate to say this but sex with my hus­band has be­come a bore. I don’t mean that there is no plea­sure in­volved, but some­times a girl wants a lit­tle ro­mance. Hon­estly, ev­ery now and then I want flow­ers, can­dles, maybe a mas­sage or maybe a lit­tle pil­low talk. I tried to do some­thing spe­cial once or twice but he just couldn’t get the hint. How do I bring a lit­tle ro­mance into my sex life?

So­phie Das, Kolkata

When men be­have like block­heads, the hints need to get heav­ier! Jokes aside, don’t tell your hus­band about what he’s not do­ing – that’s too crit­i­cal and he will feel like he’s be­ing at­tacked. In­stead ex­plain to him what you want and why it means so much to you. By telling him that you love him to touch you and be phys­i­cally af­fec­tion­ate, your re­la­tion­ship is in­creas­ing in in­ti­macy. Telling him that you love it when he says pos­i­tive af­fir­ma­tions about you, will let him know how ex­actly to show you that he cares. Change your lan­guage to en­able an open con­ver­sa­tion, and re­quest what you are look­ing for. You might also want to think about whether his man­ner of ex­press­ing love is sim­ply dif­fer­ent from yours. While for some it’s about mean­ing­ful gifts or phys­i­cal touch, for your part­ner it could be via an act of ser­vice or qual­ity time. Iden­ti­fy­ing your love lan­guage is key. Want to make things fun and flirty? Set the ball rolling your­self. Touch, flirt, joke. When your un­demon­stra­tive spouse makes an ef­fort to be ro­man­tic, do let him know how happy it makes you. Pos­i­tive re­in­force­ment is vi­tal. Also, don’t for­get to find out what his favourite ways of re­ceiv­ing love are – and ful­fil those in re­turn. Happy lov­ing!

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