‘We found a way to traverse the spacetime continuum’
THE RECENT discovery of the Higgs-Boson Particle created waves around the globe. However, I’d like to call your attention to an equally important yet largely unreported triumph in the field of science — painstakingly brought to light by several of the best minds at Brown University, myself humbly included. Over the course of several research-intensive weekends this spring, I am proud to say our work was instrumental in unravelling the secrets of time travel. We found a way to traverse previously impassable barriers of the space-time continuum. Yes, I have been to the past and, as they say, “back to the future”. Without getting into the physics of it all, this is how it happened.
As with most stories related to institutions of higher education, mine begins and ends with underage substance abuse. Endowed with the resources and prestige of an Ivy League school, my first tryst with trans-historical travel occurred, like all great scientific leaps forward, on a Friday evening. Following a stressful week of mid-terms, several