How long before they start making vampire movies about you two?
You have become a nuisance for the neighbours as well. You are the new Addams Family and the whole neighbourhood is scared.
When Pakistani kids shout, “Go America Go”, they are not really cheering you on to victory. They are saying: “Just leave.” When think-tank wallahs in Washington say, “Defang Pakistan”, they are not talking about a nail job.
Look, I am a relationship therapist, not your neighbourhood watch. And when I think it’s all over, you become all nostalgic.
You sit there and go through old family albums. There is our General Ayub Khan patting Lyndon Johnson on the cheek. There is a camel in Karachi with a ‘Thank You, America’ sign around its neck. Look at your Jackie Kennedy living it up with the tribal leaders. What is the whole NASA crew doing on the streets of Karachi? Look at our lovely mujahideen dining in the White House. Those were the days.
But you don’t look at that other album. You keep it locked away: spying on your neighbours, turning your backyard into an arsenal, truckloads of dollars and illegal detainees called enemy combatants. You two have more skeletons in your cupboards than the oldest zombie couple on earth.
And then you turn up here and say that you are in it for the kids. That you want to keep it together for the neighbourhood’s sake. Wake up, smell the daisy cutters. Look around, your grandkids are about to have kids. Your third generation is about to inherit your tainted love, they are pledging to continue your blood feud. Give up now, I say, sign the papers and leave. What did you say? You want to apologise to each other? You want one last hug, just another whisper in each others’ ears. Go ahead, do what you like. I am leaving.