Smart in­vest­ing for next birth

This pro­fes­sor knows the an­cient In­dian way of trans­fer­ring wealth across births

The Hindu - - COLUMNWIDTH - G. Sam­path is So­cial Af­fairs Edi­tor, The Hindu

One ques­tion that keeps me awake at night is what I will do if I end up dy­ing a bil­lion­aire. I know what you’re think­ing: “This fel­low? And bil­lion­aire? Has he seen his face in the mir­ror?” Well, if I were you, I wouldn’t jump to any con­clu­sions about my fu­ture earn­ing po­ten­tial based on the border­line defam­a­tory im­age above this col­umn. And for your kind in­for­ma­tion, the chances of me dy­ing a bil­lion­aire are about the same as the chances of me get­ting a loan of ₹9,000 crore from an In­dian bank plus the chances of me flee­ing the coun­try with­out re­pay­ing it mi­nus the chances of me be­ing ex­tra­dited back to In­dia be­fore I die peace­fully in my sleep on a ham­mock in the porch of my ocean-front prop­erty in An­tigua. In other words, they are damn good.

Trans­fer­ring wealth

Which is why I’ve been burn­ing the mid­night oil re­search­ing how to trans­fer wealth from my cur­rent birth to my next birth. Af­ter work­ing so hard for an en­tire life­time, start­ing from kinder­garten and school, to the prime of your frus­trated youth, all through your high-BP mid­dle age and your post-by­pass se­nil­ity, right till the time you’re do­ing Parkin­son’s on a Siemens ven­ti­la­tor, who wants to start from scratch all over again?

I don’t. Be­sides, what if I am born in a down­wardly mo­bile Adi­vasi fam­ily in Gu­jarat, and when I’m five years old, my en­tire com­mu­nity is forcibly dis­placed be­cause a bunch of in­tel­li­gent peo­ple de­cide that the best way to de­velop a poor coun­try like In­dia is by spend­ing what lit­tle money it has on

pranayama

erect­ing a 183-me­tre statue of Mickey Mouse on our farm­land? Or worse, what if I am born in a com­mu­nity whose tra­di­tional oc­cu­pa­tion is cat­tle trad­ing and all my fam­ily mem­bers get ac­ci­den­tally lynched? In such a sit­u­a­tion, wouldn’t it be nice if I could tap into the sav­ings of my pre­vi­ous birth? Af­ter all, that’s my money, and it’s a shame to not be able to ac­cess it only be­cause global money trans­fer tech­nol­ogy hasn’t evolved to the same level as In­dian spir­i­tual tech­nol­ogy.

A No­bel-cat­e­gory break­through

So you can imag­ine how thrilled I was when I learnt that a great scholar of In­ter-Life-In­tra-Soul Money Man­age­ment Tech­nol­ogy (ILISMOMAT) has agreed to teach at one of In­dia’s top uni­ver­si­ties. This is a mo­men­tous oc­ca­sion, and an op­por­tu­nity to show­case In­dia’s unique con­tri­bu­tion to world civil­i­sa­tion in the highly spe­cialised field of spir­i­tual economics. Had I been this univer­sity’s vice chan­cel­lor, I would have hon­oured this scholar by at least renaming it as Jee­vatma Na­tion­al­is­tic Univer­sity. It would have cost noth­ing and earned a lot of good­will for an in­sti­tu­tion whose good­will deficit right now is lower even than In­dia’s com­mon sense deficit. But sadly, that hasn’t hap­pened. This great son of In­dia, a hum­ble man who shuns pub­lic­ity, has achieved a No­bel-cat­e­gory break­through that will change the face of economics, open up a whole new mar­ket for per­sonal bank­ing, and most im­por­tantly, make cor­rup­tion great again.

As you are aware, the most press­ing ex­is­ten­tial ques­tion fac­ing hu­man­ity to­day is the fol­low­ing: what is the point of taking enor­mous risks, in­clud­ing the risks of go­ing to jail and be­smirch­ing one’s rep­u­ta­tion, if there is no way of trans­fer­ring one’s ill-got­ten bil­lions to the next birth? This was the prob­lem to which the pro­fes­sor found a so­lu­tion, and it’s called In­ter­life Rein­car­na­tion Trust Man­age­ment (IRTM).

This is how it works. Let’s say you are a cor­rupt civil ser­vant who has squir­relled away ₹4,000 crore in a bank ac­count in Mau­ri­tius. Your first step would be to park 80% of that money with IRTM, an eco­nomico-spir­i­tual trust reg­is­tered in Cay­man Is­lands, Brahma Loka. Now, IRTM has a profit-shar­ing deal with the ad­mins of karma, who sit in the sky and man­age the traf­fic of souls from one birth to an­other. They do the ac­count­ing of all your life’s karma and de­cide whether your next birth will be as the only child of an Adani-Am­bani or as one of the thou­sands of off­spring of a poor but hard-work­ing fam­ily of cock­roaches.

Lu­mi­nar­ies on the RBI list

IRTM uses the ILISMOMAT tech­nol­ogy to em­bed a GPS-chip in your soul, so that the iden­tity and lo­ca­tion of your next rein­car­na­tion can be tracked across mul­ti­ple re­births, and your funds from your pre­vi­ous births con­tin­u­ously cred­ited to the bank ac­count of your cur­rent birth. This is, in fact, an up­dated ver­sion of the same chip that was used in ₹2,000 notes dur­ing de­mon­eti­sa­tion to suc­cess­fully elim­i­nate black money, fake cur­rency, Nax­al­ism and ter­ror­ism. Ex­ist­ing cus­tomers of IRTM in­clude Bill Gates and War­ren Buf­fett. So what are you wait­ing for? Do what you have to do if you want to be as se­cure in your next birth as the lu­mi­nar­ies on RBI’s list of wil­ful de­fault­ers are in their cur­rent one.

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from India

© PressReader. All rights reserved.