I LOVE YOU

But more like a friend.

Woman's Era - - Contents - Sudesh Go­gia

My wife and I are strug­gling. She says, "I love you, but more like a friend!" These were the ut­ter­ances from the cou­ples mar­ried for years. In our mod­ern cul­ture of equal­ity, po­lar­ity gets ham­mered in beau­ti­ful re­la­tion­ship. Is it women's em­pow­er­ment in this 21st cen­tury?

How to fur­ther your love-life in such a tick­lish sit­u­a­tion? How to take con­trol? How to lead her, open her sen­su­al­ity and trust her? How to en­able her to be ec­stat­i­cally happy and re­laxed? And make her re­store your love-life as she has started treat­ing you like her friend. How to en­case this phe­nom­e­non? How not to feel of­fended and not feel bad and take re­spon­si­bil­ity? This sit­u­a­tion is spread­ing like a jun­gle fire in the world to­day.

You can get her to talk and dis­cuss by be­ing easy to try new skills, not found in any sex­ual books. You can have a hot sen­sual mas­cu­line­fem­i­nine love re­la­tion­ship and help her to make your woman the way you love her.

I'm sorry to hear all this when men talk about their women's be­hav­iour.

She shows lit­tle in­ter­est in love­mak­ing

Says one of the men on my mo­bile, "In fact, last night she snug­gled, it was cold, bla­tant, rub­bish be­hav­iour. For many women, all over the world, there's a lack of po­lar­ity and pos­si­bly that sex isn't re­ally feel­ing that 'great' for her com­pared to 'you'. She's go­ing to lose in­ter­est in love­mak­ing, in sex! Does she get or­gasm when she has sex? What do you usu­ally do to­gether and how fre­quently do you? Do you fore­play be­fore the act? Do you re­ally en­joy the fore­play, kiss­ing, ejac­u­la­tion?

Last night, I lov­ingly brought a bou­quet of flow­ers and with a ro­man­tic phase of mind in­vited her to come and she sur­pris­ingly let me get started. Then all of a 'sud­den' she said she had some ur­gent piece of work and im­me­di­ately went away!

Psy­cho­log­i­cal facts

Her body has nat­u­ral urges but her mind over­rides them be­cause she's emo­tion­ally check­ing out of your re­la­tion­ship. That's why she is pulling away ev­ery time. Also, if sex is not that sat­is­fy­ing to her, she won't be ea­ger! "We don't fight but she says she is 'un­happy' and has been in this state for a long time. What is she un­happy about? She says "It's her, not me!”

"Oh it's 'you too, dar­ling. It's not just her!" Though she's likely evolved since you two got to­gether, and per­haps she feels dis­con­nected from you. Just ex­ac­er­bated by the lack of phys­i­cal and emo­tional in­ti­macy, her feel­ings are def­i­nitely stem­ming from her in­ter­ac­tions with you.

She's just not feel­ing like she can be hon­est and tell you the truth, which means her frus­tra­tions are likely about sex and may be money - you're not earn­ing enough!

She is do­ing too much, you're not at­trac­tive to her any­more. Have you taken care of your­self? You're not sex­u­ally sat­is­fy­ing her. She's bored out of her mind with love­mak­ing! These are pretty clas­sic is­sues in a long-term re­la­tion­ship and I'm sure she feels guilty even think­ing about them. It's weird but she talks most of the time like ev­ery­thing is okay even about the fu­ture but not about re­la­tion­ship. When it comes to sex she says she just doesn't want to!

She doesn't want to be­cause she's 'ter­ri­bly dis­sat­is­fied' and doesn't want to hurt your feel­ings. She thinks you can't meet her needs based on past per­for­mance! You can see why she doesn't want to talk about it. There's a prob­lem of other is­sues feed­ing into her dis­sat­is­fac­tion. Here's what I can tell you. From my ex­ten­sive ex­pe­ri­ence as a lec­turer, yoga teacher and, for more than four decades and a coun­sel­lor to many In­sti­tu­tions, and my own van­tage point talk­ing to a LOT of women all over the world about their sex lives and re­la­tion­ships at very cor­dial con­fi­den­tial and hon­est lev­els. It's that your woman is look­ing for a way out of your door!

She's pos­si­bly bid­ing her time, get­ting her stuff in or­der, what if she's done with you? Check­ing out emo­tion­ally, say­ing it's, "her not you" – clas­sic signs! Now, what the hack do you do to save this? And I as­sume you still love her and want to make ev­ery­thing in or­der and at the right place.

I no­tice that, when a guy re­alises, his mar­riage is in dan­ger, she has al­ready put her foot out of the door! Al­ready dat­ing some­one else and they're just wak­ing up to the fact that she's not sat­is­fied. It is blind­sides for men which is too lit­tle too late.

Now I could be wrong! It's not like you have given me much info. How­ever, just from what you've said, this is a ma­jor is­sue and you need to get on it im­me­di­ately.

It's time to sit down with her. You must find a way to make it safe for her to tell you the real and com­plete truth about what's go­ing on. Just lis­ten – calmly and pa­tiently. Ask clar­i­fy­ing ques­tions? Pull her out... Don't let her hide her feel­ings. You are the man. Han­dle it. Don't freak out, just hear her and give your­self 'time to di­gest'.

Your Pa­tience Vs her free­dom

Tell her that you want to make her happy. And you know her needs have changed over the years you've been to­gether. You want to sit down, over evening tea or din­ner and do the work book to­gether. All you have to do is think, ponder about what are the most im­por­tant things for you in be­ing in a re­la­tion­ship. One of the women, when I in­ter­acted with her, im­me­di­ately put for­ward the fol­low­ing:

“I want my free­dom first. My re­la­tion­ship value is my per­sonal free­dom. We live in the 21st cen­tu­ryl It's my pre­rog­a­tive.” These ex­pres­sions made me to ponder over and think. These types of women want an op­por­tu­nity to have some life ex­pe­ri­ences! Some do it confidentially as these types of women seem extroverted and are beg­ging this ex­pe­ri­ence openly. I di­rected her hus­band to ask her, "What does this 'free­dom' mean to you?"

Mar­riage a dis­tinct In­sti­tu­tion What she wanted from a mar­riage in her 20s. It will be to­tally dif­fer­ent than in her 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s and 70s so on. Ask her with pa­tience, tenac­ity and wis­dom. "What do you need sex­u­ally?” "What is your de­sire?" "How much fore­play and after­math you want?"

"Do you want more or­gasms or mul­ti­or­gasms?" It's the phase of life to be more hon­est, how muchyou're true to your­self.

"If still she wants to quit, al­low her to kiss your mar­riage and say good­bye!" I know, when I ad­vised him, these lines sounded harsh, but it's the truth. And you can han­dle it with more con­scious­ness, wis­dom and free­dom.

I re­ceived the e-mail after a week's time. It said that they're a happy cou­ple.

THESE EX­PRES­SIONS MADE ME TO PONDER OVER AND THINK. THESE TYPES OF WOMEN WANT AN OP­POR­TU­NITY TO HAVE SOME LIFE EX­PE­RI­ENCES! SOME DO IT CONFIDENTIALLY AS THESE TYPES OF WOMEN SEEM EXTROVERTED AND ARE BEG­GING THIS EX­PE­RI­ENCE OPENLY.

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