I am the 48-year-old mother of a newly married girl of 22. Like every mother, I dote on both my daughter and my son who is 18 years old. I always thought that my husband too loved his daughter, but now I am not so sure! There is a reason for this. We got our daughter married six months ago into a family that we thought was a good one. It consisted of my son-in-law, his grandparents, his parents, his elder brother, his sister-in-law and their daughter.
Before my daughter’s marriage, her in-laws assured me that she would be treated like a princess, but reality was very different. Far from being treated like a princess, my daughter is being treated more like a slave! She is expected to slog in the kitchen, to supervise the maids, to keep accounts and to do many other chores.
My daughter is not used to doing housework and whenever she comes home, my heart is wrung when I see how tired and worn out she looks. In fact, whenever she comes home, she does nothing but sleep. But when I mentioned this to my husband, he only laughed. This irritated me very much.
Last week, my son-in-law came with my daughter to spend the weekend with us and I took advantage of this opportunity to speak to him about my daughter’s excessive workload. He looked surprised and opened his mouth to speak, but before he could do so, my husband interrupted us and began to berate me. He was furious and trembled with anger as he ordered me to keep quiet. He then apologised to our son- in- law and my daughter began to cry. My husband then ignored me, stood up and asked our son-in-law to come for a walk. The two of them then went out.
I went up to my room and only came down in the evening expecting my husband to apologise to me. I was also sure that he would not have been able to provide a meal for my son-in-law, our children and himself
But I found that my daughter and son-in-law had left. I thought that my husband and son would have learnt a lesson, but I was shocked to find that both of them were angry with me. Now, four days have passed but neither of them is talking to me. I am feeling very depressed. Isn’t what happened that day my husband’s fault?
You did say that you are 48 and the mother of two adult children, didn’t you? Then why have you behaved like a child with regard to your newly married daughter? Why have you jumped to the conclusion that she is overworked and miserable?
Why did you then take it on yourself to talk to your sonin-law about your daughter’s workload? And that too when he was a guest in your home? And, worst of all, why did you go up to your room to sulk and leave your family to manage by themselves when your son-in-law had come for a meal?
It is not your husband and son who have to learn a lesson. It is you who has to. So, you should apologise to your husband, your son, your son-in-law and your daughter and behave in a more mature manner in the future. You should also not interfere in your daughter’s life. Newly married young women take some time to adjust and learn the ways of their in-laws. During this time, they may often feel tense and tired. But this does not mean that they are unhappy in their marriage.
I am a 32-year-old woman and have been married for 10 years. My husband and I have been happy all these years, except for the fact that we don’t have any children. Of the two of us, I feel this lack more because while my husband has an interesting and fulfilling job, I do not work.
So, when we found out some four- five months ago that I was pregnant, I was ecstatic while my husband was happy but also a bit nervous. The weeks and months passed and our excitement grew. I especially enjoyed our visits to the doctor when the doctor would tell us at what stage of growth the baby was. But my world crashed around me a week ago when the doctor told us that my baby’s growth showed some abnormalities and that he recommended that I abort the baby. He also told us that we should do this quickly.
My husband and I initially went into a state of shock, but after a few days my husband began to talk about telling the doctor that we wanted to abort the baby. But the very thought of doing that is making me bring up!
Abort my child? Kill the baby I have waited such an age for? No, I cannot do it! But how can I make my husband understand that we should not do this? That just as we have waited so long for this child, this child has waited so long for us?
What has happened to you is really tragic, but you should come to terms with it because you have to take a decision that will affect the rest of your life.
There are religious- minded people who are totally against abortion because they consider it a sin. But the vast majority of people, as well as doctors, think that bringing a child who will have abnormalities and will never be able to live a full, pain-free and normal life into the world just to suffer, is very wrong. These parents also worry about what will happen to their children after them.
You should discuss all this with both your husband and your doctor and take a decision that you can live with. And remember that you can always have another child or adopt one.