PER­SONAL PROB­LEMS

Woman's Era - - News -

I am the 48-year-old mother of a newly mar­ried girl of 22. Like ev­ery mother, I dote on both my daugh­ter and my son who is 18 years old. I al­ways thought that my hus­band too loved his daugh­ter, but now I am not so sure! There is a rea­son for this. We got our daugh­ter mar­ried six months ago into a fam­ily that we thought was a good one. It con­sisted of my son-in-law, his grand­par­ents, his par­ents, his elder brother, his sis­ter-in-law and their daugh­ter.

Be­fore my daugh­ter’s mar­riage, her in-laws as­sured me that she would be treated like a princess, but re­al­ity was very dif­fer­ent. Far from be­ing treated like a princess, my daugh­ter is be­ing treated more like a slave! She is ex­pected to slog in the kitchen, to su­per­vise the maids, to keep ac­counts and to do many other chores.

My daugh­ter is not used to do­ing house­work and when­ever she comes home, my heart is wrung when I see how tired and worn out she looks. In fact, when­ever she comes home, she does noth­ing but sleep. But when I men­tioned this to my hus­band, he only laughed. This ir­ri­tated me very much.

Last week, my son-in-law came with my daugh­ter to spend the week­end with us and I took ad­van­tage of this opportunity to speak to him about my daugh­ter’s ex­ces­sive work­load. He looked sur­prised and opened his mouth to speak, but be­fore he could do so, my hus­band in­ter­rupted us and be­gan to be­rate me. He was fu­ri­ous and trem­bled with anger as he or­dered me to keep quiet. He then apol­o­gised to our son- in- law and my daugh­ter be­gan to cry. My hus­band then ig­nored me, stood up and asked our son-in-law to come for a walk. The two of them then went out.

I went up to my room and only came down in the even­ing ex­pect­ing my hus­band to apol­o­gise to me. I was also sure that he would not have been able to pro­vide a meal for my son-in-law, our chil­dren and him­self

But I found that my daugh­ter and son-in-law had left. I thought that my hus­band and son would have learnt a les­son, but I was shocked to find that both of them were an­gry with me. Now, four days have passed but nei­ther of them is talk­ing to me. I am feel­ing very de­pressed. Isn’t what hap­pened that day my hus­band’s fault?

You did say that you are 48 and the mother of two adult chil­dren, didn’t you? Then why have you be­haved like a child with re­gard to your newly mar­ried daugh­ter? Why have you jumped to the con­clu­sion that she is over­worked and mis­er­able?

Why did you then take it on your­self to talk to your sonin-law about your daugh­ter’s work­load? And that too when he was a guest in your home? And, worst of all, why did you go up to your room to sulk and leave your fam­ily to man­age by them­selves when your son-in-law had come for a meal?

It is not your hus­band and son who have to learn a les­son. It is you who has to. So, you should apol­o­gise to your hus­band, your son, your son-in-law and your daugh­ter and be­have in a more ma­ture man­ner in the fu­ture. You should also not in­ter­fere in your daugh­ter’s life. Newly mar­ried young women take some time to ad­just and learn the ways of their in-laws. Dur­ing this time, they may of­ten feel tense and tired. But this does not mean that they are un­happy in their mar­riage.

I am a 32-year-old woman and have been mar­ried for 10 years. My hus­band and I have been happy all th­ese years, ex­cept for the fact that we don’t have any chil­dren. Of the two of us, I feel this lack more be­cause while my hus­band has an in­ter­est­ing and ful­fill­ing job, I do not work.

So, when we found out some four- five months ago that I was preg­nant, I was ec­static while my hus­band was happy but also a bit ner­vous. The weeks and months passed and our ex­cite­ment grew. I es­pe­cially en­joyed our vis­its to the doc­tor when the doc­tor would tell us at what stage of growth the baby was. But my world crashed around me a week ago when the doc­tor told us that my baby’s growth showed some ab­nor­mal­i­ties and that he rec­om­mended that I abort the baby. He also told us that we should do this quickly.

My hus­band and I ini­tially went into a state of shock, but af­ter a few days my hus­band be­gan to talk about telling the doc­tor that we wanted to abort the baby. But the very thought of do­ing that is mak­ing me bring up!

Abort my child? Kill the baby I have waited such an age for? No, I can­not do it! But how can I make my hus­band un­der­stand that we should not do this? That just as we have waited so long for this child, this child has waited so long for us?

What has hap­pened to you is re­ally tragic, but you should come to terms with it be­cause you have to take a de­ci­sion that will af­fect the rest of your life.

There are re­li­gious- minded peo­ple who are to­tally against abor­tion be­cause they con­sider it a sin. But the vast ma­jor­ity of peo­ple, as well as doc­tors, think that bring­ing a child who will have ab­nor­mal­i­ties and will never be able to live a full, pain-free and nor­mal life into the world just to suf­fer, is very wrong. Th­ese par­ents also worry about what will hap­pen to their chil­dren af­ter them.

You should dis­cuss all this with both your hus­band and your doc­tor and take a de­ci­sion that you can live with. And re­mem­ber that you can al­ways have an­other child or adopt one.

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