AS YOU SAY

Woman's Era - - News - – Preetha Ren­gaswamy, Chen­nai. – V. Venkateswaran.

NO EGO FOR A GOOD MAR­RIAGE

This is with ref­er­ence to the ar­ti­cle Qual­i­ties Ev­ery Girl Looks For in Au­gust II is­sue. Even af­ter sev­eral years of mar­riage with ups and downs in life, a girl’s ex­pec­ta­tions from her hus­band is 'his' un­con­di­tional love and af­fec­tion for her. A shoul­der to lean on and ex­press her joys and sor­rows and sooth­ing words while in dis­tress or ill­health, gives the girl the strength and moral sup­port to bat­tle her prob­lems with ease.

Sat­is­fac­tion, hon­esty and com­pat­i­bil­ity with­out EGO is the key to suc­cess­ful mar­riage and it is th­ese qual­i­ties which help the part­ners tide over dif­fi­cult sit­u­a­tions that arise in a fam­ily. Ar­gu­ments be­tween spouses help ex­press one’s feel­ings and de­velop a 'bond­ing re­la­tion­ship', but ar­gu­ments should never pro­ceed and pro­long or be­come fu­ri­ous as this might spark a break in their smooth re­la­tion­ship.

CON­DEMNABLE PRAC­TICES

woman, could of a young es­pe­cially in for­eign facts. one lakh ru­pees then faster than fetch at least snatch­ers had umours run re­cent chain , proved by mar­kets. The overnight This has been , chop­pers chop­ping braid of braid turned into guard their in­ci­dents in north be­gan to en­gulfed women girls too com­modi ty. are and which have Ru­mours a pre­cious like sub­sided and with fear. braids in­ci­dents In­dian states sim­ply th­ese the fire. It How­ever, chop­pers when fur­ther stok­ing even­tu­all booty. of In­dian y a large chunk ceased for their shows that su­per­sti­tio n. buy­ers to get make easy and still sunk in failed was to mo­tive so­ci­ety is in­ci­dents have 75 Then the More than with Haryana money. are three states, quick in­ci­dents oc­curred in a mob killed present su­per­sti­tio n and It is un­for­tu­nate list. In Agra The she d more by top­ping the sus­pi­cion that sur­rounde Psy­cholog ists on girl. at large. group an old woman of a are to chop braid cul­prits sim­ply as in­tend­ing prob­lem any was dis­miss this have ION SUPERSTIT they too don’t il­lu­sion. But such – to stop AND prac­ti­cal so­lu­tion on-born su­per­stiti RU­MOURS or dis­pel now in­ci­dents fam­i­lies are give and their chop­ping for braid fear. Vic­tims and Ojhas Vic­tims of s – that they g pun­dits all state­ment con­tactin that de­spite and It is an irony al­most sim­i­lar in­ci­dent rs, TV be­fore the reme­dies. news­pape had fainted who progress, cor­ner of recog­nise sci­en­tific nook that our coun­try which not and hence could sim­i­lar­ity and ev­ery ments braid. An­other chan­nels ad­ver­tise in chopped their poor and lo­cal­ity abound who of them are any witch- mas­ters is that all ex­or­cists and for of reme­dies pro­vide easy il­lit­er­ate. in­ci­dents the ago, sim­i­lar claim to haunt­ing Some years from prob­lems is were re­ported scores of mo­tive sole chop­ping peo­ple. Their money. of braid ru­moured then It was com­mon make in peo­ple and – some states. de­mand the were in huge to fool of so­ci­ety big chunk that braids pro­vided this as th­ese How long prob­lems in coun­tries neck­deep for­eign in­dusty for wig-mak­ing which is al­ready to such raw ma­te­rial that could to suf­fer due a chem­i­cal con­tinue is try­ing to progress – will ex­tract­ing and It was also hair black. in­ci­dents? turn grey braid, that a sin­gle ru­moured GEAR N IN RE­VERSE - ED­U­CA­TIO poor back hail from those who be the worst cab­i­net to They will the Union grounds? school­ing their eci­sion of pol­icy in may leave de­ten­tion and n. This is no- suf­fer­ers scrap the is a step frus­tra­tio of eighth class mid­way out on the fu­ture shadow schools till de­ten­tion a No- to cast stu­dents. di­rec­tion. bound in re­verse Right aged un­der the dis­ad­vant Delhi well to be­come one of in­sti­tuted of the South pol­icy was to check school e, will (RTE) Act, Mean­whil on (SDMC) Ed­u­ca­tion to Ad­vi­sory Board Cor­po­rati The Cen­tral Mu­nic­i­pal in English scrap ed­u­ca­tion dropouts. year to pri­mary the next ad­vised last im­part schools from Ed­u­ca­tion at de­par­ture from of the ground its pol­icy on medium a de­ten­tion This again mu­nic­i­pal the no- lower learn­ing is re­sult­ing in ses­sion. that of rules that it was poor qual­ity party of (the avowed pol­icy . But it is the BJP’S Delhi) out­comes rather ns in through must be blamed cor­po­ra­tio glory past teach­ers that re­in­statin g In­dia’s hell-bent - seem stu­dents. . They ba­sic than end ex­ami ed­u­ca­tion cing year- school right from is Ma­caulay Rein­trodu classes glo­rify fact that fifth and eighth to the the su­per­pow­ers na­tions for for­get­ting learn­ing , mu­nic­i­pal ity to im­prove ed­u­ca­tion in the stu­dents not go­ing trans­fer of the or lower. It will sim­ply most from mid­dle out­comes stu­dents, come pri­mary to and il­ity of learn­ing shcools re­spon­sib Stu­dents class fam­i­lies off the hook. mid­dle them­selve s not so let­ting teach­ers back­groun d teach­ers are lly well-off school lan­guage. eco­nom­ica English from fail hur­dle in this pass- well-versed wom­anse ra.com W over­come about to: ed­i­tor@ can tu­ition. But what write through pri­vate should suf­fer the ig­nominy of su­per­sti­tion and ru­mours. Ru­mours and Su­per­sti­tions – Editorial Au­gust II. The vic­tims of such mal­adies are mainly the il­lit­er­ate, poor, the down­trod­den, partly the lit­er­ate and those who be­long to the higher strata of so­ci­ety. One of the main cul­prits fo­ment­ing and plant­ing such be­liefs of su­per­sti­tious prac­tices in the minds of the gullible masses are the fake swami­jis and the so-called black magic prac­ti­tion­ers who do all this only to hood­wink the peo­ple with an ul­te­rior mo­tive to eke out money.

They ini­tially cre­ate a fear psy­chosis in the minds of those who ap­proach them for rem­edy and make them be­lieve that un­less they do what all those fake poo­jaries com­mand, their lives and that of their fam­ily mem­bers would be in peril.

Un­able to take any chance, peo­ple fall prey to their gim­micks

RE­TAIN­ING IN­DI­VID­U­AL­ITY IN RE­LA­TION­SHIPS

In­ter­est­ingly, there is a com­mon thread run­ning through four dif­fer­ent ar­ti­cles (Au­gust – II is­sue) stress­ing the need for each part­ner to re­tain their in­di­vid­u­al­ity in a re­la­tion­ship.

In In­di­vid­u­al­ism in Re­la­tion­ships, the au­thor has cor­rectly em­pha­sised on mak­ing a dis­tinc­tion be­tween “me” and “we” and not to sac­ri­fice one’s in­ter­ests, opin­ion and time al­ways just to oblige the part­ner.

“De­fi­ant Dreams” elab­o­rates on how a per­son can still take care of the fam­ily, at the same time re­tain­ing one’s in­di­vid­u­al­ity and be in­de­pen dent enough to ful­fil their own pro­fes­sional and per­sonal as­pi­ra­tions.

“When it is the Time...” talks about as­sert­ing one’s in­di­vid­u­al­ity and mov­ing on in case it is felt that com­pat­i­bil­ity is a se­ri­ous is­sue and re­la­tion­ship has be­come a bur­den.

The au­thor an­swers the ques­tion “Can a Hus­band be his Wife’s Best Friend” in the neg­a­tive pri­mar­ily be­cause th­ese are two dif­fer­ent in­di­vid­u­als whose in­ter­ests are dif­fer­ent. and shell out the amount de­manded by them to pro­pi­ti­ate gods that were re­ally ‘an­gry’ with them.

In the case of braid-chop­ping, it is highly prob­a­ble that a mis­cre­ant might have done this for joke or to cre­ate a panic in the minds of peo­ple, un­mind­ful of the reper­cus­sions such acts would have in so­ci­ety. Such one-time in­ci­dent is suf­fi­cient for the ru­mour mon­gers to add ad­di­tional spice and spread them in the so­ci­ety like a wild fire. It is the same case as far as the so- called black magic per­sons are con­cerned. Sus­pect­ing some of them to be in­volved in ex­or­cism and witch­craft, the mobs go to the ex­tent of even lynch­ing them.

While it is a uni­ver­sally ac­cepted

There is no doubt that a healthy and suc­cess­ful re­la­tion­ship can oc­cur only when each part­ner ac­cepts and re­spects the in­di­vid­u­al­ity of the other and they make ef­forts to un­der­stand each other’s dif­fer­ent in­ter­ests as well as give space and sup­port to one an­other in pur­su­ing them.

Of course, if there are some com­mon in­ter­ests, there is no doubt a lot of en­joy­ment to be gained in pur­su­ing the same to­gether and the bond­ing im­proves.

How­ever, what is also very im­por­tant is that in a ma­ture re­la­tion ship, each part­ner is supremely con­fi­dent that when they face a crunch sit­u­a­tion, the un­con­di­tional and un­flinch­ing sup­port of the other is al­ways avail­able so that they work to­gether to come out of the cri­sis. There is no hes­i­ta­tion dur­ing such times in help­ing out one an­other, ir­re­spec­tive of in­di­vid­ual dif­fer­ence of opin­ions.

Though the im­por­tance of in­di­vid­u­al­ity can­not be un­der - es­ti­mated in a re­la­tion­ship, a healthy and suc­cess­ful re­la­tion­ship also re­quires a lot of “give and take” and at times the “I” will have to be re­placed by “ours” in cer­tain sit­u­a­tions.

truth that such ex­or­cists and witch mas­ters are only cheats and mon­ey­pullers, peo­ple should shun them and stop run­ning to them for rem­edy at the fall of the cat. The print and elec­tronic me­dia also has a paramount duty in ex­pos­ing such fake gu­rus and their crude and du­bi­ous prac­tices.

In this con­text your above editorial which ex­poses the evils of ru­mours and su­per­sti­tions de­serves ac­co­lades

HOB­BIES EN­RICH OUR PER­SPEC­TIVE

un­like in the oday’s par­ents, wel­come do not ear­lier days, school hol­i­days. chil­dren’s their said Sarita get so bored,” “The kids heads off. They eat our can­didly.” to Pai plans to make hol­i­day Read­ing of the So, we have re,” she some­whe out a take them to be “And it has added rue­fully. in In­dia it­self trav­el­ling as for­eign trip.. is passé!” at all. this be­fore, It wasn’t like classes to ea­gerly for Chil­dren waited ex­cit­ing things and all the get over, HOB­BIES! do. They had they would is one tely, if there Un­for­tuna which has our daily life ar­ti­cle ti­tled Trans­form as­pect of the mod­ern thanks to taken a beat­ing, phones, iIn­ter­net, mo­bile age of TV, of the other “gifts” pads and it is hob­bies. dig­i­tal world, be­com­ing Hob­bies are in to­day’s al­most ob­so­lete cul­ti­vates so­ci­ety. No­body for one has time th­ese, no few even th­ese, and their valu­able Your Life brings out recog­nise rich­ness of on to the con­tributi of for the sta­tus our lives. down qual­ify we set­tled does not but if you In ear­lier days, en­joy­able in­di­vid­ual an for that bake and leisure with hobby grind, dur­ing our and like knit­ting, to chop Sun­day meal for al ac­tiv­ity love up a , recre­ation col­lect­ing whip stamp sauté and in­deed, your cro­chet, tat­ting, in­stru­men ts fam­ily, well, etc. it is , mu­si­cal your scrap books, on our brings we have time hobby! of that a hobby Now, when our­selves in front Did you know plonk Th­ese hands, we what­ever ben­e­fits? watch health ac­tiv­i­ties are mind­lessly Our great time the im­por­tant the TV and show us. leisure de­cides to en­joy­able to lower high the id­iot box and play lly proven and their i-pads sci­en­tifica down to­tal cor­ti­sol chil­dren open set­tle pres­sure, and women blood waist video games, and Twit­ter. gly, even in­dex. What­sapp in­ter­estin mass on s do and body to gos­sip young­ster ence is most cir­cum­fer The sad part are miss­ing. what they not even know rea­sons why hob­bies are im­por­tant in the lives of chil­dren and adults. ( WE Au­gust I, 2017). ( 1) We can meet peo­ple. Pur­sue hobby that re­quires us to come in con­tact with other peo­ple: team sports, a sewing class, mu­sic class or pot­tery-mak­ing through com­mu­nity ed­u­ca­tion. ( 2) Hob­bies build self- es­teem. If we dis­like our job or are un­happy in our re­la­tion­ship, de­vel­op­ing a hobby can be a way to build our back- up. Take up knit­ting or singing or play­ing mu­si­cal in­stru­ment and the small im­prove­ments we make from week to week are enough to sus­tain us. Some­times hob­bies give us one solid thing to feel good about. They are ways to re­lieve stress. (3) We can avoid bore­dom which causes many ills. Hob­bies en­rich our per­spec­tive, "the more we know, the more we grow". – Beena Mathur, Pune. BE­WARE OF FAKE SANYASIS This has ref­er­ence to your editorial Bad Days for Sanyasis pub­lished in the June I 2017 is­sue of Woman’s Era. Th­ese fake sanyasis do not tie the nup­tial knot just to avoid the re­spon­si­bil­ity of fa­mil­ial life. They pre­tend that they are lead­ing a spir­i­tual life by giv­ing ser­mons and don­ning the ochre at­tire.

Many god-fear­ing women throng th­ese wily and naughty sanyasis for fast ame­lio­ra­tion of their var­ie­gated woes.

Many women pray for a male child to prop­a­gate their vansh-vrik­shya i.e. fam­ily tree. And th­ese ghoul­ish brutes who are al­ways on the look­out for such op­por­tu­ni­ties, grab them in both hands lit­er­ally and en­sure to en­trap them and ver­ily ex­ploit them sex­u­ally and blackmail them to sa­ti­ate their never- end­ing car­nal de­sires.

Now, the time is not good for th­ese chame­lion- like colour­ful sanyasis and their em­pires are fall­ing like the prover­bial nine pins!

Our law-en­forc­ing agen­cies should re­main vig­i­lant all the time and nab th­ese cul­prits at the ear­li­est.

More im­por­tantly, wom­en­folk should be prop­erly in­formed and ed­u­cated so that they can iden­tify a fake Sanyasi.

– Jy­oti­ran­jan Biswal, Odisha.

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