Woman's Era - - Long Story - By Deepalatha

hile select­ing a mar­riage part­ner, in­tel­lect as well as heart must be given a chance, ac­cord­ing to Dr Eus­race Chesser in her book Love and Mar­riage. True free­dom in mar­riage re­ally is free­dom from fears, self­ish­ness and emo­tional anx­i­ety. A large num­ber of peo­ple want­ing to get into wed­lock feel ap­pre­hen­sive about their fu­ture course of life in the even they and their spouses do not func­tion on the same wave­length they think and think and post­pone the event. They are deeply con­cerned about find­ing Mr or Miss Right but it never oc­curs to them mar­riage be­ing the be­ing for two, it is vi­tally im­por­tant that they them­selves should also be right. He faces frankly the dan­gers of in­fat­u­a­tion. The true test of love is not the in­ten­sity of feel­ing at the be­gin­ning of ro­mance. It’s the driv­ing power which it pro­vides through­out a pro­tracted ad­ven­ture, the en­rich­ment of life which it yields not for a day or two or a month or year but for decades. While some mar­riages fail be­cause of an ab­sence of love be­tween the par­ties at the out­set, a far greater num­ber fail be­cause the part­ners are blinded by in­fat­u­a­tion to in­com­pat­i­bil­i­ties which are per­fectly plain to oth­ers. Plain as a pikestaff, as the say­ing goes.

There are those who ad­vise trial mar­riages. Those who ad­vo­cate this be­cause they ap­pre­hend fail­ure in mar­riage, are of course, re­ally afraid of them­selves.

The cyn­ics have stated that mar­riage is a fight to the fin­ish. It is – though not, at best in pre­cisely the way they mean. It is worth fight hard in or­der to achieve mar­ried hap­pi­ness. Those who em­brace trial mar­riages fear that strug­gle, believ­ing vainly that they can col­lect sans least ef­fort hap­pi­ness which a suc­cess­ful love-re­la­tion­ship brings.

There are love-spec­u­la­tors who hope to gain the ben­e­fit of or all the rises in the graph of hap­pi­ness, and at the same time be free to sell out so soon as there are signs of a fall.

Can hap­pi­ness in mar­riage be thus ac­quired, on the cheap? Ex­pe­ri­ences of in­nu­mer­able folk con­clu­sively prove it can­not be ac­quired by those who are un­will­ing to pay the price.

In mar­riage, where two peo­ple have shared the ex­pe­ri­ence of the years, have passed through the vi­cis­si­tudes of sor­rows and de­lights, de­feats as well as tri­umphs there is a of­ten a fine sense of calm­ness and tran­quil­lity in the ad­vanced age with so much shared to look back upon, the lovers grow old grace­fully.

In­stead of re­grets for what was missed in youth the feel­ing of un­ful­fil­ment for what has gone, there is a sense of com­ple­tion of sat­is­fac­tion which comes from the knowl­edge that life has been lived to the full. Full­ness of life leaves no room for re­grets. Shared, it yields grat­i­tude for all the rich­ness which life to­gether has brought.

Love is es­sen­tial of the whole of mar­ried life. Lovers who have grown old to­gether know from ex­pe­ri­ence that it is not merely worth the life they led but also a shin­ing ex­am­ple to oth­ers that in mar­riage there is ev­er­last­ing hap­pi­ness.

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