Q& A Teenache

Woman's Era - - News In Pictures -

My younger brother who is now 11 years old is, un­for­tu­nately, autis­tic, and needs spe­cial care. I love him a lot and will do any­thing for him, and have al­ways promised to look after him for al­ways. I am a 17-year-old girl.

My par­ents had wanted to send me abroad for higher stud­ies in com­puter science and had kept a fund for this pur­pose. Now, they have re­quested me to give this for my brother’s treat­ment which will cost a lot but the re­sults are not guar­an­teed. They do not want to leave any stone un­turned for him. But what about me, and my ca­reer? I am dev­as­tated. For the first time in my life, I feel to­tally dev­as­tated. What can I do? They have left the choice to me, but is there any choice at all?

This is, in­deed, a rather un­fair propo­si­tion to make to you. There are so many so-called magic cures for in­cur­able ail­ments which des­per­ate peo­ple fall for, and spend loads of money on, to no avail. Please talk to other older re­spon­si­ble mem­bers of your fam­ily about your par­ents’ idea and ask them to give them advice.

Also, let your par­ents know how much their plan is de­stroy­ing your dreams of mak­ing a good fu­ture for your­self, which will , fi­nally , help your brother too..

If you feel strong enough, you could firmly refuse to give up the nest egg which has been ear­marked for you. It is after all, le­git­i­mately, yours. But you must be pre­pared to face some guilt pangs for this too. I am in a big quandary and filled with guilt and re­sent­ment at the same time. I am a 16-year-old girl who is the only child of my par­ents. Ours is closely-knit lov­ing fam­ily.

My par­ents dropped a bomb­shell re­cently when they told me that they were mak­ing plans to adopt a baby from an or­phan­age. It has al­ways been their long-stand­ing, dear­est wish. They felt con­vinced I would wel­come this idea and help in bring­ing up my new “sib­ling”.

I could not get my­self to dampen their en­thu­si­asm and pre­tended to like the idea but I am seething with fury. I do not want some alien child to ruin our cosy home. Frankly, I do not want to share my par­ents’ love and at­ten­tion. But what can I do? I am to­tally dev­as­tated. Please help me.

Your feel­ings are very un­der­stand­able, and it is rather in­sen­si­tive of your par­ents to spring this on you so sud­denly. They could have in­tro­duced the topic more slowly, dis­cussed it with you, asked for your opin­ions, etc, which would have made part of the whole en­ter­prise. Now, you are prob­a­bly feel­ing the pangs of be­ing un­con­sulted and ig­nored in this im­por­tant de­ci­sion.

You can talk to your par­ents about your feel­ings and reser­va­tions you feel in adopt­ing a child at their age. Talk about all this with your older rel­a­tives too, like your grand­par­ents, who may as­suage some of your un­hap­pi­ness.

If this move will re­ally make you very un­happy, your par­ents will surely put their plan on hold. They will def­i­nitely not want to make you un­happy. Your well-be­ing is surely para­mount to them.

I am a 15-year-old school girl with my­opia. I hate to wear specs and have now taken re­sort to us­ing con­tact lens. The prob­lem is that I can­not swim or play games wear­ing these. A friend sug­gested I re­sort to laser surgery to cor­rect my vi­sion by which I can throw away my specs and lens.

My par­ents have flatly re­jected my plea. I know it is costly, but I am very, very keen. What do you feel? How can I con­vince them?

Have you, in the first place, con­sulted an op­ti­cian or eye sur­geon for his opin­ion? Usu­ally, this kind of in­ter­ven­tion is done in an adult where the vi­sion sta­bilises. In the teen years, vi­sion changes rapidly, mak­ing you change your eye lenses pe­ri­od­i­cally. If surgery is done now, in some time, you will have to have cor­rec­tive surgery again, and again.

Your par­ents must surely be know­ing the cons of your plan and so have re­fused it. Wait till you are near­ing 20, and then think of laser cor­rec­tive eye surgery not just now. There are so many at­trac­tive frames in spec­ta­cle shops which en­hance a girl’s looks tremen­dously. In fact, glasses are nowa­days more like an ac­ces­sory than a vis­ual aid.

My par­ents are highly ed­u­cated per­sons, re­spected in their work­places, but at home, they are al­ways at log­ger­heads. Their con­stant fights and bick­er­ing are get­ting on our nerves. My brother and I are 17- year- old twins, and are sick of the volatile home at­mos­phere. In fact, we have told them sev­eral times to sep­a­rate or di­vorce, but they turn down our sug­ges­tion. To us kids, it seems the best way of hav­ing some peace, so that we can pur­sue our stud­ies prop­erly. Now, we are al­ways stressed out. Please ad­vise.

If your par­ents are not amenable to the idea of sep­a­rat­ing or di­vorc­ing, they prob­a­bly do care for each other, in­spite of the ap­par­ent hos­til­ity. It is def­i­nitely not your busi­ness to in­ter­fere in their af­fairs, although their con­stant quar­relling does ruin the peace of the house.

Do this. Talk to them hon­estly and calmly about how you feel. Sug­gest that they put you in the hos­tel so that you can con­cen­trate on your stud­ies bet­ter, or you can even stay with your grand­par­ents, an un­cle or aunt. This may jolt them into think­ing about your wel­fare in­stead of self­ishly in­dulging in such be­hav­iour. It is un­for­tu­nate that in so many house­holds, the el­ders fail to re­alise the im­pact of their self-cen­tred at­ti­tude on the in­no­cent chil­dren.

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