Q& A Teenache
My younger brother who is now 11 years old is, unfortunately, autistic, and needs special care. I love him a lot and will do anything for him, and have always promised to look after him for always. I am a 17-year-old girl.
My parents had wanted to send me abroad for higher studies in computer science and had kept a fund for this purpose. Now, they have requested me to give this for my brother’s treatment which will cost a lot but the results are not guaranteed. They do not want to leave any stone unturned for him. But what about me, and my career? I am devastated. For the first time in my life, I feel totally devastated. What can I do? They have left the choice to me, but is there any choice at all?
This is, indeed, a rather unfair proposition to make to you. There are so many so-called magic cures for incurable ailments which desperate people fall for, and spend loads of money on, to no avail. Please talk to other older responsible members of your family about your parents’ idea and ask them to give them advice.
Also, let your parents know how much their plan is destroying your dreams of making a good future for yourself, which will , finally , help your brother too..
If you feel strong enough, you could firmly refuse to give up the nest egg which has been earmarked for you. It is after all, legitimately, yours. But you must be prepared to face some guilt pangs for this too. I am in a big quandary and filled with guilt and resentment at the same time. I am a 16-year-old girl who is the only child of my parents. Ours is closely-knit loving family.
My parents dropped a bombshell recently when they told me that they were making plans to adopt a baby from an orphanage. It has always been their long-standing, dearest wish. They felt convinced I would welcome this idea and help in bringing up my new “sibling”.
I could not get myself to dampen their enthusiasm and pretended to like the idea but I am seething with fury. I do not want some alien child to ruin our cosy home. Frankly, I do not want to share my parents’ love and attention. But what can I do? I am totally devastated. Please help me.
Your feelings are very understandable, and it is rather insensitive of your parents to spring this on you so suddenly. They could have introduced the topic more slowly, discussed it with you, asked for your opinions, etc, which would have made part of the whole enterprise. Now, you are probably feeling the pangs of being unconsulted and ignored in this important decision.
You can talk to your parents about your feelings and reservations you feel in adopting a child at their age. Talk about all this with your older relatives too, like your grandparents, who may assuage some of your unhappiness.
If this move will really make you very unhappy, your parents will surely put their plan on hold. They will definitely not want to make you unhappy. Your well-being is surely paramount to them.
I am a 15-year-old school girl with myopia. I hate to wear specs and have now taken resort to using contact lens. The problem is that I cannot swim or play games wearing these. A friend suggested I resort to laser surgery to correct my vision by which I can throw away my specs and lens.
My parents have flatly rejected my plea. I know it is costly, but I am very, very keen. What do you feel? How can I convince them?
Have you, in the first place, consulted an optician or eye surgeon for his opinion? Usually, this kind of intervention is done in an adult where the vision stabilises. In the teen years, vision changes rapidly, making you change your eye lenses periodically. If surgery is done now, in some time, you will have to have corrective surgery again, and again.
Your parents must surely be knowing the cons of your plan and so have refused it. Wait till you are nearing 20, and then think of laser corrective eye surgery not just now. There are so many attractive frames in spectacle shops which enhance a girl’s looks tremendously. In fact, glasses are nowadays more like an accessory than a visual aid.
My parents are highly educated persons, respected in their workplaces, but at home, they are always at loggerheads. Their constant fights and bickering are getting on our nerves. My brother and I are 17- year- old twins, and are sick of the volatile home atmosphere. In fact, we have told them several times to separate or divorce, but they turn down our suggestion. To us kids, it seems the best way of having some peace, so that we can pursue our studies properly. Now, we are always stressed out. Please advise.
If your parents are not amenable to the idea of separating or divorcing, they probably do care for each other, inspite of the apparent hostility. It is definitely not your business to interfere in their affairs, although their constant quarrelling does ruin the peace of the house.
Do this. Talk to them honestly and calmly about how you feel. Suggest that they put you in the hostel so that you can concentrate on your studies better, or you can even stay with your grandparents, an uncle or aunt. This may jolt them into thinking about your welfare instead of selfishly indulging in such behaviour. It is unfortunate that in so many households, the elders fail to realise the impact of their self-centred attitude on the innocent children.