Love At The Asylum
It was mud.
t was my last day at the hospital. To be precise, mental hospital. Yup, don’t be astonished. I have spent good three sixty five days here all thanks to my past distressing events. Luckily, I am stable now to leave this place after a long wait. In fact, I am not happy today as I should have been. Strangely, the past days in this place have been rejoicing and filled with more memories than my formative years of existence. Some are worth the grin whereas recollecting some makes my eyes moist.
“Stop it, Era. What is the matter with you?” My mother yelled while the nurses in the room stood terrified in the corner. Though they were trained and had experienced such situations before ,my violent behaviour was adding to their chills. A year ago I was spotted with clinical depression and was admitted for treatment. I occasionally slept into a silence zone, keeping mum for days whereas on other days I turned aggressive, chucking the objects around. Unfortunately, there weren’t any in my current room and forcing me to overturn the mattress.
‘Era.’ His voice startled me. He was loud and clear with his message even though he didn’t utter anything apart from my name.
I stood facing the wall, terrified and unable to
“S top i t , Era. What i s the mat ter wi th you? ” My mother yel led whi le the nur ses in the room s tood ter r i f ied in the corner . Though they were t rained and had exper ienced such s i tuat ions before , my v iolent behav iour was adding to thei r chi l l s . He signalled them to leave and locked the door. Now in it was my turn to shiver the manner I had made his nurses a while ago. He held his palm open in front of me with tablets resting on them.
comprehend my own actions. What the hell did I just do? Why was I acting insane? Why was I losing control over my actions? I was unable to justify my dealings.
“Who was in charge for her afternoon medication?” he yelled at the nurses who still appeared to be alarmed.
“Sir, the mother of the patient insisted to give the afternoon dosage,’ she spoke still shivering. Both were trying to hide behind each other.
“I gave her the medicines,” my mother defended herself.
“Relax, I will handle her,” he assured my trembling mother.
was 20 and a third-year medical student. Though I was studying to be a doctor, midway I turned into a mental patient and positioned myself in a miserable condition. Events and incidents over years had splintered my life and me mentally. Heartbreaks, expectations from family, rejections, friends turning foes and academic pressure had turned a healthy sane person into a mentally retarded girl.
Unluckily, I got admission at the city medical college and with no alternative at disposal, got enrolled for the first year. Parental pressure to pursue medicine began the journey for my current destination. I always desired to become sound engineer and serve the purpose I enjoyed and loved to do. Unfortunately, I was wasted in the medical profession in which I felt my future bleak. My photographic memory and high intelligence quotient helped me to break into the hazards of the medical profession. With the passage of time dislike turned to hatred and I moved into lust for unknown. I hooked up with several guys, lost my virginity and enjoyed my nights with several men over course of a year.
With variety on the catalogue, I settled for the one, two years senior to me. In my head I pictured me being in love even though music didn’t play when he entered the room nor did I blush, recollecting his image. He dismissed my emotion for love and left my company when his desire was satisfied. He no longer wanted to continue with the reused and overused machine and opted to go along with something brand new. My attitude and craving for the physical had decreased my relations with friends. They no longer desired to go out with me and suggested to me to part ways. With relations being annihilated, cravings getting out of hand my sanity decided to follow and they parted ways with me securing a bed which I just attempted to uplift.
r Arin put the mattress back single-handedly and asked me to turn around. I refused to move and face him. Instead he came and stood comforting my face. He put his hand in my pocket and took the tablets out, the ones I was supposed to have after lunch. I quietly moved towards my bed without a word. It turned out to be effective, compared to the prescribed medication. It was almost a week since I was introduced to this room. Though family wasn’t allowed to visit the patients, my mom had made a special request to visit me as I had agreed to shift in here with a promise to see her at least once a day.
“Ma’am, I can no longer let you visit my patient. You have got to trust us and our treatment. I know I am supposed to be gentle and mild with her and I am not. You have got to trust my reasons for this cruel behaviour.”
I got up once again from the bed and yearned to smack him in his face. The moment he saw me making my move he stopped midway of his dialogue and turned towards me.
“You dare not to do that. If you do I will ensure they cut off your mother’s visits here as long as you stay with us. No please and requests will make me change my decision in future.” He once again turned to my mother.
“I promise to look after her and will call you over when I feel the time is correct. Until then you will have to keep yourself strong and have faith,” he said. My mom left without even saying goodbye. For a second I felt disowned and unloved. The push for violent acts had triggered in my head but his march towards me wiped away my evil acts. As he approached the nurses inquired if he would inject medication instead of letting me take it orally. I hoped he would give an affirmative reply which didn’t turn out to be true.
e signalled them to leave and locked the door. Now, it was my turn to shiver the manner I had made his nurses a while ago. He held his palm open in front of me with tablets resting on them.
“If you can inject medicines, why am I asked to take them orally?”
“I don’t want you to take the privilege of special treatment for no specific reasons. Firstly, you aren’t suffering from a severe ailment as you appear to make it .You portray it to be drastic, making your parents worry and adding danger to their well-being. There is no need for you to be kept here as you can recover with proper medication for a few months at your own dwelling. But I don’t want your parents to take the risk as you are irresponsible. You will remain here until you learn to behave even if you completely get over your sickness. The reasons for oral consumption are your tantrums for not taking them. Anything more you wish to ask?”
“I don’t want them. Please, I will behave in the desired manner.”
condition is not that severe.”
He got up and rang the bell to call the nurse. I didn’t react and sat on the bed. When she entered he commanded, “Prepare for ET.”
swallowed once again without the water and later drank it. He still didn’t stop her from carrying on the preparations. Somewhere down the line I knew he wouldn’t tie me up and get the ET done but it still proved to be an effective threat.
“I had them. Why do you still want to make me go through it?”
“What’s the time?” he asked.
“I don’t want to play any physical sport.”
“Be quick. We’re going to tie her legs and hands to avoid distractions,” He spoke to the nurses.
“I don’t know how to play.” I got up from the bed with fear of being tied up and stood in the corner.
“Follow me to the ground.”
I quietly followed without uttering a word. He took me to the track where other patients were being trained. He exchanged words with the coach and took me to unused side of the track.
“I have never ever done this before. I can’t do this.”
“You have experienced ET in past?”
“I will never act violently. Trust me. I will take my medicines on time and will go through the predecided sessions. Don’t do this to me.”
“Physical activity is part of your treatment. You were given a chance to decide, but you didn’t feel like selecting it. So, you have got to do what you are being told to. Another word of refusal from your mouth will lead you to the bed all tied up. Following with what, you have clear idea of.”
I kept silent for next two hours where he made me jog, walk, run and do other physical exercises possible. At the end of two hours I couldn’t stand on my own two feet, so I sat on the track with fright and pain.
“After a shower, head for the meditation session and later I want you at the dinner table. If you miss it again in the manner you have been for the entire week, your delicacies will be replaced with food you wouldn’t want to put into your mouth. So, think before you decide not to make it there.”
dragged my tired feet up to the room to take a shower. Unfortunately, I was late for my meditation session. I tried to hurry, but my physical ache wouldn’t permit me to make swift movement. As I was about to reach the door it opened. Dr Arin stood there with anger clearly visible on his face. I made an effort to move, he stood but didn’t aid. He accompanied me silently to the auditorium where they had already begun with the meditation. I joined in but couldn’t manage to sit on the floor. Bearing the unbearable I rested my rear end and tried to meditate along with the rest.
Later, I reluctantly made it to the dinner hall. This was possibly the first time I had made it here. I wasn’t very pleased with the food and was about to keep my empty plate back in its place.
“So, would you like to have bitter gourd juice?” Arin appeared from nowhere and asked with the glass of bitter drink in his hand.
I rejoined the queue to get food. I settled alone
Somebody kissed my forehead. I didn’t know whether I should have opened my eyes and checked. “You really love her…don’t you, Arin?” I heard a female voice. The person who kissed me was Dr Arin.
and ate just to avoid drinking bitter drinks. He kept an eye from a distance. I felt lonely while others merged and chitchatted with each other. Once I was done I headed to my room. Medicines lay on the bed with a bar of chocolate besides. I had both around up for the day. I couldn’t really make myself fall sleep. After a while I heard whispers. Though it was dark I sensed two people getting in my room. I pretended to remain asleep.
omebody kissed my forehead. I didn’t know whether I should have opened my eyes and checked.
“You really love her…don’t you, Arin?”
I heard a female voice. The person who kissed me was Dr Arin.
“Yes, mom. Do you think she will recover?”
“You have overturned hundreds of lives and you are asking such a question? This is not even a severe case.”
“Yes. But I didn’t have an emotional connect with others. For me they were just my patients. She is my love. I want her to be hale and hearty.”
“Thank you, son, for looking after my child.”
Now that was my mother. So there were three people in total besides me in the room.
“Thank you, aunty, for trusting me.”
“Arin, are you sure you want to keep her here? She is stable enough to go back and recover at home.”
“I know that. But the problem is not just the ailment. She has lost the desire to put efforts in the task she undertakes , she hates people and their presence, her abnormal cravings for sex still exist. In the past two years I have seen her life crash closely. I couldn’t help then and found myself helpless. I don’t want things to turn worse and wish for her recovery. I am sorry, aunty, for being stringent with her. I know I am not supposed to. But it seems to be working in a positive way and not doing any harm.”
“I wouldn’t interfere with your treatment. It is your pick and I will respect your decision.”
I was disturbed with the alarm sound. Appears like I slept while they were in the middle of their conversation . I put it on snooze only to be pushed down from the bed. The fall awakened the aches before waking me from my slumber.
“Get ready for the morning stroll in the woods. Quick.” It was Arin again. “I am not going.” “I didn’t ask you if you are.”
“Goodnight”. I slept once again. He called the nurses.
“I am fully aware that you won’t be doing it.” “I will prove you wrong.” They almost positioned me for the therapy. I agreed to listen before he approached to commence. After grooming I headed to the ground. Amidst strangers I felt uncomfortable. I stood sleeply. I was still experiencing pain from yesterday’s workout. I wasn’t sure if I could walk. Right before I reversed my footsteps to my room Arin showed up. So, I had to pace along with the other patients. Surprisingly, Arin walked along with me. He was quiet which made it awkard. I felt strange walking with a man who loved me even though I didn’t. He appeared friendly today. Halfway I stopped.
“I can’t walk….my ankles hurt.”
Luckily, he didn’t argue and agreed.
I sat in my room on the bed with my legs crossed, unsure of my day activities. I knew he was coming at 9 for his daily round.
“So how are you today? Feel like lifting and tossing things around?” he asked.
I kept quiet. He continued asking questions. I replied by nodding my head. “You really want ET?” “I didn’t do anything now.” “That is the problem.” “What?” He handed me my medicines. A nurse called him out, so he had to leave midway. While I was having the medicines I hid two beneath the pillow out of the three handed to me.
“You want to meet your mother?” “Yes.” “Got to take medicines first.” “I did.” “Good if you did. This was your last chance. Now, you will see her face the day you will be discharged,” he said and was about to leave.
“I will have them. Please don’t do that.”
He returned. I took the hidden pills before he asked me to.
“I won’t rectify my words in the manner you did your actions.” he sat next to me. “That’s not fair.” “Tell me your activity for the day.”
“You call mom inside first.”
“Sister, take her to the art room.”
“I am not going anywhere.”
“We have ways to get our orders done.” “I can’t paint.” “Yesterday, you said you couldn’t run.” “But I really can’t.” “What do you want to do?” “Library.” “Okay.” He left.
y days at the centre were scheduled. The day commenced with a stroll in the woods followed with activity at the recreational centre and sessions with the doctor. Obviously, mine was Arin. Evenings were allotted for physical activity and ended with meditation. After dinner we wound up for the day. We had no access to television and other gadgets. We were only permitted to listen to music in our spare time. Sunday
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