SPRING CLEAN SEX LIFE...
Do you find yourself wishing you had more of a sex life – or at least a better one? Wondering what others are doing right that you are doing wrong? Then it is time to spring clean your sex life with a little creativity and attitude adjustment.
Men aren't the only ones who want to have good sex. Fully 81 per cent of women place a satisfying sex life higher than a thriving social life, reports the Association of Reproductive Health Professionals of a survey of 1,200, women. And that's not all: 54 per cent rated it higher than career satisfaction and 53 per cent deemed it more important than owning a home. So what happens when real life – stress from work, finances, kids and even tensions between you and your love – get in the way of your sex life? It can have a daunting effect.
You need to change your thinking and attitude and – lo! – you can enjoy a satisfactory sex life.
Stop faking it
Sex is complex. It's not usually neat (or at least it shouldn't be!) and it can't be put into a box. But one of the worst habits to kill your sex life is to get into it pretending something is happening when it's not. Of course, this goes far beyond the bedroom, but the complexity of faking orgasm serves as a good lesson for all those other areas where honesty is important too.
Are you faking it when you actually want to have an orgasm but it's just not working? Or are you faking it because you want it to be over? Are you faking it because you don't want him to feel like a failure? Or are you faking it because you feel like you're one?
Stop faking it. You're only fooling yourself. Clearly tell your partner what you need, when you need it. This doesn't mean giving orders, but the more communicative you can be about your needs the more likely you are to have them met. If your lover has it in their head that they're not doing his job unless you come, but you haven't told them how to do it, consider who's failing whom. Or, if you're pretending just to get it over with but then wondering why you feel resentful as the other person falls asleep, ask yourself why. And lastly, if you're faking just to stoke an ego, all you're doing is giving your partner false confidence – and a false sense of sexual security in a relationship that's not reciprocal.
Nowhere to hide
If you're the one who always leaves the light off (and shirt on), consider this: is your partner perfect? Even if your lover is an Athena or Adonis, the truth is he's with you for a reason. Among other things, he definitely finds you attractive. Accept that you're not perfect and allow yourself to be vulnerable. Confidence goes a long way in someone's eyes and, believe it or not, he's probably not looking at that mole on your back or the extra meat on your middle. And if he is, he may very well like
it right where it is.
Remember, your sex life will be a lot hotter than it is when you recognise that you're a lot hotter than you think.
Ask – don't beg
No offence, but its little wonder your honey doesn't immediately strip off her clothes when you come to her begging like a spoiled child. First, stop pouting and tossing out accusations like "we never have sex". Then, like any good salesman, think of a way to ask for what you want that maximises the chance that she'll say yes. Instead of saying “I want to have sex”, say “you are so desirable that you make me hot.”
Spice it up
Try something both interesting and fun. Read some sex books and add extra spice to an already passionate sex life. Sharing the book together or leaving it available to entice curiosity in your partner, are super sexy ideas to get the blood flowing. New and different ways to make each other feel good never gets old and is vital to every relationship.
Sexual relationships undergo seasons of change.
Just as we experience different seasons throughout the year, our relationships also undergo seasons of change as well. It’s just not as easy to predict when these changes will occur – or what they will look like. Therefore, it is important to remember that true intimate sexual relationships do not just “happen” and they do not just remain the same. Sexual relationships are constantly evolving and they require attention and nurturing throughout their evolution.
A common libido buster is a woman's own body image. It's difficult to feel sexy if we are comparing our bodies to the ridiculous standards of models. The more we're selfconscious about our bodies, the less we can let loose and enjoy sex. What if you're concerned that your husband may be the one doing the comparisons? If you have a passionate sex life, your husband won't care how you look.
Another concern is miscommunication between the spouses. If your husband asks for sex and you say no, he may take the rejection personally. He may hesitate to ask again on another night. A woman should not assume that her husband understands her moods. It is important to talk with him about when good times for intimacy are. No matter how often you are intimate, you need to tell your mate regularly that you still love him and find him attractive.
Have it her way
You should be willing to expend the energy to get her as aroused as you are. Every woman has some secret desire that makes her very hot, very fast. Figure out what it is – whether it's oral attention or acting out a particular fantasy – and she'll want you as much as you want her.
On a deeper note, thinking positively about sex and having a good attitude about sex may be more complicated than we think as many women have developed an actual anxiety disorder around sex. They actually feel panicked when faced with the subject. Sometimes this stems from an early sexual trauma in one form or another and sometimes it is just caused by years of bad feelings surrounding sex. Some women create scenarios, go to bed early, start a fight or even fall asleep with the kids in order to avoid facing this issue. What you need to know, however, is this – anxiety is a condition that either lessens or increases every time we face it. Therefore, every time a woman's anxiety leads her to avoid having sex with her husband, it makes it even more difficult to get over the fear and have sex the next time. Whatever you can do to reduce these fears, do.
Take a getaway weekend, preferably out of town, and only leave your room for meals. If that's too expensive, make it a habit to go out on an inexpensive, but romantic, date once a week. Here are some ideas: take a walk in a moonlit park holding hands, or pack a picnic dinner complete with champagne and find a secluded area in the woods. We
YOU SHOULD BE WILLING TO EXPEND THE ENERGY TO GET HER AS AROUSED AS YOU ARE. EVERY WOMAN HAS SOME SECRET DESIRE THAT MAKES HER VERY HOT, VERY FAST. FIGURE OUT WHAT IT IS.
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.