Q& A My Family, My Friends and Me...
IHAVE TWO DAUGHTERS AGED FIFTEEN AND FOURTEEN. ACTUALLY, just ten months separates them and they are practically like twins. They are the same height, they study in the same class and they are equally mature or immature!
One would think that since they are so close in age, their father and I have an easy time dealing with them, but the opposite is the case! The two girls are bitterly competitive and quarrelsome and each behaves as if her live depends on defeating the other. Their teachers have been puzzled by their excessive competitiveness and have expressed their surprise at it at parent-teacher meetings since both children were in KG.
Recently something happened that has worried my husband and me immensely. This was that their English teacher asked each student to write a story, using the members of their family as characters. Both my daughters wrote stories about a family in which there were two daughters and one daughter killed the other.
The teacher was so shocked that she sent for my husband and me asking us to make sure that our daughters didn’t come to know about our visit to the school. When we went there, she spoke to us about our girls and how abnormal the relationship they shared was.
My husband and I then shared our own concerns with her and asked her what she thought we should do. She said that she had never come across such a case in all her years as a teacher, but we three agreed that the girls should be separated and put into different sections. The teacher then said that she would do that that very day.
When they came home that evening, my elder daughter was in a furious mood because she had been put into a different section, while the other girl was smiling smugly. When the elder girl realised that my husband and I knew about that had happened in school, she attacked her sister and tried to tear her hair out.
Three days have passed and the girls fight and try almost to kill each other once they come home from school. Both my husband and I are at our wits end. What should we do?
Both your daughters need psychological counselling because their behaviour is definitely not normal. Yes, siblings who are of nearly the same age are often very competitive, but not to the extent your daughters seem to be.
You haven’t given any details of how they were when they were as young children and how their competitiveness began. But this is important and any psychologist you consult will definitely ask you about this. You have also not given any details of how you dealt with your daughters and their quarrels when they were young
Mchildren. This is also important. You should not delay in the matter of consulting a specialist. You should also take what he or she tells you very seriously and follow the advice given. The future of your family depends on this.
Y SIXTEEN-YEAR-OLD SON IS CRICKET CRAZY AND SPENDS Practically all his time playing cricket, watching cricket, discussing cricket with his friends and dreaming about cricket. He is in the school cricket team and stands a good chance of being made captain next year.
Due to this obsession, he neglects his studies and this year, he has failed in his final exams. He has failed a couple of times earlier too. As a result, he is much behind other boys of his age.
Now, my husband is furious and has decided that our boy should not play cricket till he passes his exams next year. My son is heartbroken at this punishment and I too am very worried. This is because I too dream of my son becoming a second Dhoni or Virat and a year away from the game could spell disaster for him.
I tried to tell my husband that a year away from the game could spell ruin for our boy. But he only said that our son isn’t all that talented and that he will not be able to become a professional cricket player anyway.
I wept and wept when he said this but he was unmoved. Both my son and I would be heartbroken if he doesn’t become a professional cricketer. How can I make sure that this happens?
If there was any way of ensuring in our country that one’s son became a successful professional cricketer, you can bet that practically every parent would do the needful and ensure that. But there is no magic wand that one can wave and becoming a successful cricketer. It is a matter of talent and a lot of good luck.
Your husband’s words that your boy lacks talent seems to have hurt you a lot, but your husband is surely not your son’s enemy. So, you should see if there is any truth in what he said and if your boy’s obsession with cricket is matched by talent. For this you should talk to his school coach and find out what he thinks.
Even if your son is talented, remember that there is no guarantee that he will make it to the national team, have a good career and make a lot of money. Besides, everyone needs a good education in order to have a good life. So your son certainly needs to do at least passably well in his studies. This column will tackle queries related to family, social environment and personality development. Please address your queries to: WOMAN’S ERA E-3, Jhandewala Estate, New Delhi-110 055. or log on to Womansera.com