Q& A My Fam­ily, My Friends and Me...

Woman's Era - - Short Story -

IHAVE TWO DAUGH­TERS AGED FIF­TEEN AND FOUR­TEEN. AC­TU­ALLY, just ten months sep­a­rates them and they are prac­ti­cally like twins. They are the same height, they study in the same class and they are equally ma­ture or im­ma­ture!

One would think that since they are so close in age, their fa­ther and I have an easy time deal­ing with them, but the op­po­site is the case! The two girls are bit­terly com­pet­i­tive and quar­rel­some and each be­haves as if her live de­pends on de­feat­ing the other. Their teach­ers have been puz­zled by their ex­ces­sive com­pet­i­tive­ness and have ex­pressed their sur­prise at it at par­ent-teacher meet­ings since both chil­dren were in KG.

Re­cently some­thing hap­pened that has wor­ried my hus­band and me im­mensely. This was that their English teacher asked each stu­dent to write a story, us­ing the mem­bers of their fam­ily as char­ac­ters. Both my daugh­ters wrote sto­ries about a fam­ily in which there were two daugh­ters and one daugh­ter killed the other.

The teacher was so shocked that she sent for my hus­band and me ask­ing us to make sure that our daugh­ters didn’t come to know about our visit to the school. When we went there, she spoke to us about our girls and how ab­nor­mal the re­la­tion­ship they shared was.

My hus­band and I then shared our own con­cerns with her and asked her what she thought we should do. She said that she had never come across such a case in all her years as a teacher, but we three agreed that the girls should be sep­a­rated and put into dif­fer­ent sec­tions. The teacher then said that she would do that that very day.

When they came home that evening, my el­der daugh­ter was in a fu­ri­ous mood be­cause she had been put into a dif­fer­ent sec­tion, while the other girl was smil­ing smugly. When the el­der girl re­alised that my hus­band and I knew about that had hap­pened in school, she at­tacked her sis­ter and tried to tear her hair out.

Three days have passed and the girls fight and try al­most to kill each other once they come home from school. Both my hus­band and I are at our wits end. What should we do?

Both your daugh­ters need psy­cho­log­i­cal coun­selling be­cause their be­hav­iour is def­i­nitely not nor­mal. Yes, si­b­lings who are of nearly the same age are of­ten very com­pet­i­tive, but not to the ex­tent your daugh­ters seem to be.

You haven’t given any de­tails of how they were when they were as young chil­dren and how their com­pet­i­tive­ness be­gan. But this is im­por­tant and any psy­chol­o­gist you con­sult will def­i­nitely ask you about this. You have also not given any de­tails of how you dealt with your daugh­ters and their quar­rels when they were young

Mchil­dren. This is also im­por­tant. You should not de­lay in the mat­ter of con­sult­ing a spe­cial­ist. You should also take what he or she tells you very se­ri­ously and fol­low the ad­vice given. The fu­ture of your fam­ily de­pends on this.

Y SIX­TEEN-YEAR-OLD SON IS CRICKET CRAZY AND SPENDS Prac­ti­cally all his time play­ing cricket, watch­ing cricket, dis­cussing cricket with his friends and dream­ing about cricket. He is in the school cricket team and stands a good chance of be­ing made cap­tain next year.

Due to this ob­ses­sion, he ne­glects his stud­ies and this year, he has failed in his fi­nal ex­ams. He has failed a cou­ple of times ear­lier too. As a re­sult, he is much be­hind other boys of his age.

Now, my hus­band is fu­ri­ous and has de­cided that our boy should not play cricket till he passes his ex­ams next year. My son is heart­bro­ken at this pun­ish­ment and I too am very wor­ried. This is be­cause I too dream of my son be­com­ing a sec­ond Dhoni or Vi­rat and a year away from the game could spell dis­as­ter for him.

I tried to tell my hus­band that a year away from the game could spell ruin for our boy. But he only said that our son isn’t all that tal­ented and that he will not be able to be­come a pro­fes­sional cricket player any­way.

I wept and wept when he said this but he was un­moved. Both my son and I would be heart­bro­ken if he doesn’t be­come a pro­fes­sional crick­eter. How can I make sure that this hap­pens?

If there was any way of en­sur­ing in our coun­try that one’s son be­came a suc­cess­ful pro­fes­sional crick­eter, you can bet that prac­ti­cally ev­ery par­ent would do the need­ful and en­sure that. But there is no magic wand that one can wave and be­com­ing a suc­cess­ful crick­eter. It is a mat­ter of tal­ent and a lot of good luck.

Your hus­band’s words that your boy lacks tal­ent seems to have hurt you a lot, but your hus­band is surely not your son’s en­emy. So, you should see if there is any truth in what he said and if your boy’s ob­ses­sion with cricket is matched by tal­ent. For this you should talk to his school coach and find out what he thinks.

Even if your son is tal­ented, re­mem­ber that there is no guar­an­tee that he will make it to the na­tional team, have a good ca­reer and make a lot of money. Be­sides, every­one needs a good ed­u­ca­tion in or­der to have a good life. So your son cer­tainly needs to do at least pass­ably well in his stud­ies. This col­umn will tackle queries re­lated to fam­ily, so­cial en­vi­ron­ment and per­son­al­ity de­vel­op­ment. Please ad­dress your queries to: WOMAN’S ERA E-3, Jhan­de­wala Es­tate, New Delhi-110 055. or log on to Wo­mansera.com

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