Why they lie about their or­gasms.

Woman's Era - - Contents - Dr Prem­pal Singh Valyan

Ev­ery woman turns into an ac­tress in her bed­room when she tells a lie beau­ti­fully about her or­gasm. Her act­ing tal­ent is on the peak when she smiles be­fore her part­ner with­out show­ing her un­ful­filled de­sire. They do so to let man have false pride and con­fu­sion of play­ing ro­man­tic games. He will think him­self to be a skilled lover or hus­band. His pride would not break and his ego will not get hurt.

But do they know any­thing about their or­gasm? Can they ever get or­gasm? Is a hus­band or lover care­ful for this? Do they ever come to know that when un­sat­is­fied sex­u­ally, she plays a false game of sat­is­fac­tion? If there is noth­ing like re­spect and hes­i­ta­tion and to­day’s women come out to talk they will show in­ter­est in sex and not feel em­bar­rassed. It be­comes hard when it crosses the limit of a healthy re­la­tion­ship.

In spite of this open­ness in women’s per­son­al­ity, most of the men and women do not achieve or­gasm. Not only this, most of the women are forced to be­gin it. If a woman is in­ter­ested in sex, she hes­i­tates to show it. A man wants a mother for his chil­dren and a home­maker. But when she asks for sex or shows in­ter­est in sex she is looked down upon.

What is or­gasm? Or­gasm is an ex­cit­ing mo­ment of phys­i­cal joy. Some­times this felling reaches crescendo and woman losses her­self. Some­times even af­ter many at­tains, she can­not get or­gasm. It’s com­mon for them to tell a lie on this topic be­cause in the In­dian con­text a woman with sex­ual de­sire is frowned upon.


Bold women openly ex­press their views on this topic. But a sim­ple woman shies away from this topic. Most of the women feel it shame­ful to talk on this topic. They think it is vul­gar and not bold­ness. They won’t ac­cept that they are far from this joy be­cause they don’t give it im­por­tance in their life. Many women keep quiet on ques­tions re­lated to or­gasm or avoid giv­ing an­swers. Re­la­tion­ship ex­pert and mar­riage coun­sel­lor Nisha Khanna says 80 per cent woman could not talk on this topic. How­ever, the re­la­tion­ship is go­ing good for them. Many women do not get as much sex­ual plea­sure as they should get.

Frank women also avoid talk­ing on or­gasm. But they also ac­cept that they do not get sat­is­fy­ing or­gasms. As women take time to reach or­gasm, they feel frus­trated many a times. The rea­son for be­ing quiet on this topic is that they of­ten lie on this topic. When and why do women tell a lie on sex­ual sat­is­fac­tion? Most of the women live un­der the pres­sure and they have to pre­tend that their part­ner is ca­pa­ble of sat­is­fy­ing them. Jaipur Golden Hos­pi­tal psy­chol­o­gist Hi­man­shu Saxena says women tell a lie be­cause they feel sex bor­ing and tire­some. Lack of time makes it un­bear­able. They want to get free. They don’t want to refuse their part­ner, nor do they want to tell them that they are not en­joy­ing sex or he is un­able to sat­isfy them. Some women are scared of their hus­bands’ anger be­cause they get an­gry on be­ing de­nied. And a quar­rel en­sues. So a lie is bet­ter than an or­gasm at that time.

Ac­cord­ing to a study, women were asked if they had ever told a lie about or­gasm. Most of them replied that truth is less than a lie on this count. It is found that most women tell a lie but don’t ac­cept it. They tell a lie when they want to get rid of the sex process. It hap­pens when they feel that the sex­ual act is not pro­ceed­ing pleas­antly with sat­is­fac­tion and the mo­ment of joy is queit far. In this sit­u­a­tion telling a lie saves both men and women from be­ing ashamed. One more thing is that a man can never un­der­stand a woman’s or­gasm as plea­sure. He does not know that sex is not only or­gasm for a woman but also sat­is­fac­tion of feel­ings. The un­sat­is­fied body, dis­turbed mind, lack of time, no in­ter­est in sex and tired­ness be­comes the rea­son of telling a lie about or­gasm. A woman tells a lie be­cause of tired­ness and body suf­fer­ing to stop love mak­ing. Some easy-na­tured women say that it sounds plea­sur­able to have ten­der­ness and in­ten­sity in a re­la­tion­ship and only or­gasm is not the mea­sure of a lov­ing re­la­tion­ship. Many times women un­der­stand in the be­gin­ning the plea­sure they de­sire. Who will not be de­ceived? So, she wants re­lief by telling a lie. Dr Ra­jesh Me­hta says in­ten­sity and close­ness do de­pend only on or­gasm. It’s good luck to get or­gasm be­cause or­gasm is not ev­ery­thing in love re­la­tions. Close­ness has more im­por­tance in a re­la­tion­ship. Women give more im­por­tance to re­spect in a re­la­tion­ship.

Each woman knows and un­der­stands very well that man’s ego is very soft which can be bro­ken by any small thing. He can never tol­er­ate that he is not able to sat­isfy his wife. There are many women in In­dia who do not know even af­ter years of mar­riage what is an or­gasm. No one is there to tell them about it. Their mother, sis­ter, no one talks about it. Nei­ther their hus­bands like to talk on this topic. Ac­cord­ing to Dr Me­hta, so­ci­ety has em­pow­ered a man. So his de­sire is more im­por­tant and de­pends on man how openly he talks to his wife about sex and how much he is re­spon­sive to her needs.

Dur­ing in­ter­course not achiev­ing the peak of or­gasm has been at­trib­uted to ill­ness. The pri­mary rea­sons be­ing im­bal­ance of hor­mones, de­pres­sion af­ter de­liv­ery, psy­cho­log­i­cal prob­lems or heart prob­lems which keep a woman from or­gas­ming. Be­sides, there may be some other phys­i­cal prob­lems which can also keep her from or­gas­ming. Ac­cord­ing to


Dr Hi­man­shu lack of oe­stro­gen af­fects menopause. An­tide­pres­sion for blood pres­sure medicines change the men­tal con­di­tion, de­pres­sion of child­hood, in­se­cu­rity, worry, de­pres­sion or ten­sion are rea­sons for ob­sta­cles to or­gasm.

For most of the women their or­gasm is af­fected by their sit­u­a­tion. Not feel­ing an or­gasm makes them an­gry. They be­come ir­ri­tated. Sad­ness en­gulfs them. She wants to con­trol her body in those mo­ments but her body does not sup­port her, so she be­come an­gry. All sex and re­la­tion­ship ther­a­pists be­lieve that many se­ri­ous dis­eases oc­cur due to dis­at­is­fac­tion or not hav­ing or­gasm. They be­lieve that it is nec­es­sary to look at this un­ful­filled and un­sat­is­fied sit­u­a­tion be­cause if this sit­u­a­tion con­tin­ues, it af­fects the re­la­tion­ship neg­a­tively. There is a lack of peo­ple to ad­vise a woman on sex­ual top­ics. She hes­i­tates to ask about it. Her prob­lems can in­crease. Sex ther­a­pists be­lieve that a woman can en­joy or­gasm if she gets right aid and in­for­ma­tion. Dr Ra­jesh Me­hta says, if a woman does not know about sex how will she feel it? For this, a hus­band needs to be sen­si­tive and un­der­stand her phys­i­cal need.


This prob­lem in­creases with the im­bal­ance of hor­mones. It is also im­por­tant for women that they should un­der­stand their bod­ies and keep spe­cial in­for­ma­tion about phys­i­cal re­la­tion­ships, as it is im­por­tant that their gy­nae­col­o­gist is in­tel­li­gent and gives them the right in­for­ma­tion. The big­gest need of a woman is to take the right in­for­ma­tion from the right sources. As much as her in­se­cu­rity is less, her or­gasm is that much easy and plea­sur­able. Ac­cord­ing to women spe­cial­ists, women ac­cept that they tell a lie about or­gasm due to sit­u­a­tions which their hus­bands will never know. It re­veals a bit­ter truth of their mar­i­tal re­la­tion­ship. The hus­band can feel bad be­cause he sees it con­nect­ing with his mas­culin­ity, so a woman is forced to tell a lie. Is this not a de­ceiv­ing re­la­tion­ship? How many hus­bands or lovers in In­dia will see it with a pos­i­tive at­ti­tude?

Ac­cord­ing to psy­chol­o­gists, if women will keep telling a lie about or­gasm, they will never come out from hes­i­ta­tions. How will their part­ners solve their sex­ual prob­lems? For this, the part­ner is quite im­por­tant. How will he un­der­stand his mis­take? How will he choose to im­prove the re­la­tion­ship? If there is a need to re­solve the prob­lem don’t feel guilty in ask­ing for some love, giv­ing some love or show­ing some love. The base of self-be­lief is con­nected with trust. Love like you’ll never be hurt, Sing like there’s no­body lis­ten­ing, And live like it’s heaven on earth.

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