Woman's Era - - Contents -

IAM A 14- YEAR-OLD GIRL WHO HAS JUST LEARNT ABOUT SEX FROM a friend of mine. I can­not say just how shocked I was by this rev­e­la­tion. I think it is just too dirty and gross to even think about it, In fact, I have de­cided I will never have a boyfriend or get mar­ried!

But what both­ers me is that nowa­days I get dreams about sex! This makes me feel very guilty and ashamed. Why is this ? Please help me stop such dreams.

Chil­dren who have been brought up in a strict, ortho­dox home where sex is not dis­cussed, and is con­sid­ered “dirty” tend to get quite shocked and even re­pulsed by it. But it is a pri­mal in­stinct and the clos­est in­ti­macy be­tween two part­ners.

Sex­ual feel­ings are dor­mant in ev­ery per­son, es­pe­cially dur­ing pu­berty when hor­mones are flush in the sys­tem. You are con­sciously try­ing to keep off from sex, but sub­con­sciously, you are at­tracted to it, and this is caus­ing your ex­plicit dreams, when your guard is down, so to say.

Stop feel­ing guilty and ashamed of your dreams!! Just re­lax and en­joy life. Surely, a time will come when you will not find sex ei­ther dirty or wrong.

IAM TER­RI­BLY WOR­RIED. PLEASE AD­VISE ME QUICKLY. I AM A 17-year-old girl who has a steady boyfriend study­ing in a class higher than mine. Some days back, when we were alone in his house. This rarely hap­pens be­cause his mother or mine are al­ways there if we are in our home. He be­gan to fondle me, and soon we did some heavy pet­ting al­though we stopped short of in­ter­course.

Now, I find my pe­riod this month is de­layed. I am ter­ri­fied, I could be preg­nant. Please help me fast.

To get preg­nant, the se­men should reach the fe­male egg in the uterus through in­ter­course with­out tak­ing pre­cau­tion. If, as you say, you did not have in­ter­course, it is highly un­likely that you are preg­nant. Some­times, even a drop of se­men which trav­els in­side the fe­male’s body, can im­preg­nate her. If your heavy pet­ting could have done this, you could be preg­nant.

Get a preg­nancy test kit from a chemist and check out for your­self. You can move for­ward from there.

There are sev­eral rea­sons for a de­layed pe­riod fa­tigue, stress, lack of nutri­tion, etc, etc.

Still do not avoid the test, for it is best to think of the op­tions open to you.

You should avoid sex­ual re­la­tion­ships at this age. Your part­ner could be ar­rested for mo­lest­ing a mi­nor. Even if you are above 18, take all pre­cau­tions against sex­u­ally trans­mit­ted dis­eases and un­wanted preg­nancy.

IAM IN A BIG DILEMMA. MY FA­THER IS A VERY BUSY lawyer who is un­able to spare much time to the fam­ily – my mother and me. I am a 15year-old girl. Our neigh­bour is a good-look­ing man with whom my mother has be­come friendly. He drops in of­ten and both of them chat and laugh a lot to­gether. Of course, my fa­ther knows him too and is quite okay with this.

But last week, when I re­turned from school early, I found him in our home, and both of them looked very flus­tered and guilty. I am very cer­tain that the sus­pi­cions I have had for some time are true. My mother is hav­ing an af­fair with him.

My fa­ther is a good and trust­ing man. I hate to see him be­ing cheated. What should I do? Con­front my mother, or warn my fa­ther?

You should def­i­nitely not tell your fa­ther any­thing, for in all prob­a­bil­ity, you have mis­con­strued a very in­no­cent sit­u­a­tion. Just talk to your mother, and ask her why he is com­ing over so of­ten, and that it could send tongues wag­ging in the neigh­bour­hood. Even this, you should do with tact and diplo­macy, for you have no right to in­ter­fere with your par­ent’s so­cial re­la­tion­ships.

Now, your mother could show right­eous anger or lis­ten to you with con­cern. Any­way, this should let her know that you feel sus­pi­cious, and she should rec­tify the sit­u­a­tion.

WE ARE A STRONGLY LOYAL GROUP OF 5 GIRLS IN CLASS 11 of a very fa­mous school in Delhi. The other 4 girls take some drug some­times and some­times smoke pot. I am the odd one out, for I refuse to join in as I firmly be­lieve that it is un­healthy.

They ask me to just try once, and see how I feel, just out of cu­rios­ity. They also tell me that drugs are not ad­dic­tive and you can stop any­time. If I don’t take it at least once, they say I would have lost an ex­pe­ri­ence, which is some­thing of a grow­ing up rit­ual. Shall I try it? My par­ents will be hor­ri­fied!

Your friends are ab­so­lutely wrong on many counts. Firstly, drugs can quickly be­come an ad­dic­tion to come out of which you will need treat­ment and re­ha­bil­i­ta­tion. It will mess up your life be­fore you know it. Also, to stop drugs is very dif­fi­cult. You will need pro­fes­sional help for this.

Yes, many take drugs to just find out what it is all about. But why should you want to know this? You will soon be coaxed into tak­ing it again and again, and you will per­haps suc­cumb to peer pres­sure.

As a thumb rule, do not do any­thing which you wish to hide from your par­ents. This will im­ply that you are do­ing some­thing taboo. It is heart­en­ing to see how you have till now with­stood peer pres­sure so well.

Hope­fully, some of the girls will fol­low your ex­am­ple out of ad­mi­ra­tion.

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