KEY COM­PO­NENTS OF A STRUC­TURED PER­SON­AL­ITY

How to be­come in­ter­est­ing!

Woman's Era - - Contents - I. M. Soni

Afrac­tured per­son­al­ity can be con­verted into a struc­tured one. You suc­ceed in ac­quir­ing a per­son­al­ity, which is the envy of oth­ers. Which is a plus per­son­al­ity, a pos­i­tive and en­dear­ing per­son­al­ity.

Wipe out neg­a­tive, black, un­pleas­ant and bit­ter emo­tions. Sponge out de­press­ing and dis­cour­ag­ing ideas. If you keep your mind filled with bright and pleas­ant thoughts, these make you out­shine oth­ers and put you on the path of suc­cess.

There are count­less peo­ple who are so made that they are un­able to think pleas­ant thoughts. Meet them and they re­count tales of woe, mis­ery and melan­choly. They are mis­ery-man­u­fac­tur­ers. They spend most of their time in in­flict­ing mis­ery on oth­ers as well as on them­selves. They are al­ways medeep in mis­ery!

They un­fold stink­ing ac­ci­dents, losses, be­tray­als, in­trigues, fraud and adul­tery. They nar­rate the ugly, dis­agree­able the dis­cor­dant. Rainy days and black clouds make such an im­pres­sion on them that they make you think that the sun has set for ever, never to rise again. To­day, the last day of an era past.

Then, we also have peo­ple who think bright. They talk pleas­ant. They nar­rate funny stories with sunny end­ings. De­spite set­backs in life, they look on the bright side. The dif­fer­ence be­tween the two kinds men­tioned here can be summed up in the two men look­ing out of bars; one sees mud, the other stars!

That’s the dif­fer­ence be­tween a pes­simist and an op­ti­mist. The lat­ter’s at­ti­tude is re­flected in He­len Keller’s words: face the sun and you do not see the shad­ows.

Some peo­ple’s minds are like a junk store – they con­tain a few very pre­cious, rare things, highly priced. But most oth­ers clut­tered there are rag­tag and rub­bish. The only way out is to con­duct an oc­ca­sional, if not fre­quent, mind-clean­ing op­er­a­tion and throw away all junk into the dust­bin.

Throw away the men­tal, in­tel­lec­tual and emo­tional junk. Do not go through life loaded with mean­ing­less ideas. If you do, you are like an over­weight woman who car­ries say 20 kg of need­less fat.

You must have seen a pub­lic trans­port bus, of­ten over­loaded with pas­sen­gers. You are stunned when you see a beau­ti­ful woman, well-dressed, savvy and so­phis­ti­cated al­most be­ing crushed from sides by un­couth, rus­tic, foul­mouthing ruf­fi­ans and drunk­ards. Why does this hap­pen? Be­cause the con­duc­tor makes no ef­fort to see who he is let­ting in. For him, all are pas­sen­gers.

This is what hap­pens with our thoughts. We open the por­tals of the mind and let ev­ery kind of thought take seat – the fair and the foul. The mind needs to be dis­ci­plined or the men­tal goons play havoc with your per­son­al­ity. A mind that is sod­den with slush can nei­ther be clean nor clear. It can pro­duce only “muddy” think­ing.

One con­spic­u­ous qual­ity of a clear and clean mind is its abil­ity to

nurse the vir­tu­ous and to dis­card the vi­cious. Bury every­thing that crip­ples your per­son­al­ity be­fore it buries you!

Many of us are able to achieve much-needed sat­is­fy­ing so­cial sta­tus with­out un­due ef­fort. Merely by be­ing our nat­u­ral selves and by liv­ing a “nor­mal”, so­cially ac­cept­able life, we dis­cover that our per­son­al­ity is at least at­trac­tive. We are given due credit. We at­tract ac­quain­tances, de­velop friend­ships and also find a sat­is­fy­ing lovere­la­tion­ship.

UN­HAPPY PEO­PLE

Some un­happy peo­ple fail to at­tract any­body. They be­come lone­lier and more de­jected as the years go by. They avoid fel­low hu­man be­ings, and grow bit­ter, re­sent­ful so­cial out­casts. A few turn to crime as a means of ex­press­ing their grudge against life and so­ci­ety, and to sat­isfy their ego.

Long be­fore this sit­u­a­tion reaches this stage, those, who feel them­selves gen­er­ally over­looked or ig­nored by so­ci­ety, should try to do some­thing pos­i­tive about it in a healthy and ac­cept­able man­ner. They should pay spe­cial at­ten­tion to the men and women who ap­pear to be cen­tres of at­ten­tion.

They will dis­cover that these mag­netic per­son­al­i­ties are not nec­es­sar­ily bril­liant men or beau­ti­ful women. They may not even be the “life and soul of the party” type. In fact, the ex­tro­vert is of­ten noth­ing but a stupid bore to many peo­ple.

What is the mys­te­ri­ous qual­ity pos­sessed by peo­ple who at­tract at­ten­tion? To put it sim­ply, they have what may be called in­ter­est­ing per­son­al­i­ties. They have that ex­tra some­thing that the ma­jor­ity lacks.

It is not easy to pin­point this power of at­trac­tion, since it com­prises a num­ber of qual­i­ties. A dis­tin­guished phys­i­cal ap­pear­ance and good taste in dress are help­ful. They can com­bine to pro­duce a favourable first im­pres­sion, but this alone is not enough. A per­son in fash­ion­able clothes and sparkling shoes may com­pel at­ten­tion – un­til he opens his mouth. We wish to avoid his com­pany. That young man with the soft, curly beard may ap­pear to be an un­usu­ally in­ter­est­ing char­ac­ter and he may jus­tify our ex­pec­ta­tions. On the other hand, a few min­utes’ con­ver­sa­tion may ex­pose him to be a shal­low-minded nonen­tity. First im­pres­sions may not al­ways be re­li­able. Ap­pear­ance can be de­cep­tive. If you break out of your body you will burst into blooms.

If we aim to make our­selves more in­ter­est­ing and at­trac­tive, one very im­por­tant fac­tor is the qual­ity of one’s voice. What ef­fect does it have upon other peo­ple?

We know noth­ing against a man whom no­body likes. The prob­a­ble rea­son for this man’s un­pop­u­lar­ity is a stri­dent, nag­ging voice. If he in­vited you to his home to din­ner he would make it sound as if he had some sin­is­ter, ul­te­rior mo­tive.

Per­haps, no­body has ever told this un­for­tu­nate man about his voice or, if they have, he thinks it is a triv­ial mat­ter. But it is not. That voice of his has lost him many po­ten­tial friends. It has hin­dered him in busi­ness as well as in so­cial life.

Lis­ten to your voice on a ta­pere­corder. The chances are that you will hardly recog­nise that voice as your own. You may ex­pe­ri­ence a pleas­ant sur­prise – or you may be shocked to dis­cover that your voice is (a) dull and mo­not­o­nous; (b) thin and whin­ing; (c) harsh and dic­ta­to­rial: (d) weak and hes­i­tant; (e) stilted and un­nat­u­ral. A pleas­ant, well-mod­u­lated voice goes a long way to­wards adding in­ter­est and at­trac­tion to your per­son­al­ity.

ART OF CON­VER­SA­TION

Con­ver­sa­tion is an art. It has cer­tain fun­da­men­tal rules and prin­ci­ples which you may not know about and a def­i­nite tech­nique which can be stud­ied and adopted. Only to the for­tu­nate few does the power of in­ter­est­ing con­ver­sa­tion come nat­u­rally.

A num­ber of peo­ple, even the highly in­tel­li­gent, are prac­ti­cally dumb in com­pany. Their brains may be teem­ing with in­ter­est­ing facts and ideas but un­less they can ex­press these thoughts in con­ver­sa­tion, they will never be recog­nised as in­ter­est­ing per­son­al­i­ties.

There is a com­mon fault – al­most a nat­u­ral im­pulse – of talk­ing un­duly about one­self. But the art of good con­ver­sa­tion should in­clude the other per­son’s in­ter­ests.

An­other com­mon er­ror made in con­ver­sa­tion is that of over-talk­ing to other peo­ple. The con­tin­u­ous talker be­comes a bore. No­body can bear a Ni­a­gara of words!

There is also the in­di­vid­ual called ‘the rag-bag’. This is the per­son who talks about com­mon place or de­press­ing sub­jects. The top­ics are usu­ally the weather, do­mes­tic and house­hold trou­bles, ail­ments and com­plaints.

It is only by talk­ing about some­thing new, in­ter­est­ing, re­fresh­ing that worth­while and one can be­come a good con­ver­sa­tion­al­ist and build pres­tige and an in­ter­est­ing per­son­al­ity.

A mi­nor­ity of politi­cians and states­men talk their way to power. Some of them, at times, talk a lot of non­sense. Nev­er­the­less, they of­ten feel deeply about cer­tain af­fairs, they have some­thing to say, and by their at­ti­tude and man­ner they add power and ap­peal to their words that sway and con­vince peo­ple, and na­tions.

This means that you must read, lis­ten, ob­serve, learn all you can about life in gen­eral, and be thor­oughly con­ver­sant with the sub­ject you are speak­ing about. The art of con­ver­sa­tion and pub­lic speak­ing means ac­quir­ing knowl­edge of many top­ics.

Much can be learned from care­fully se­lected tele­vi­sion or ra­dio pro­grammes. There is no ex­cuse for not adding to your gen­eral knowl­edge and the abil­ity to ex­press clearly is a great as­set in busi­ness and so­cial life.

Are you rude or in­tol­er­ant? If so, you can­not ex­pect other peo­ple to show gen­uine in­ter­est in you. In­stead of be­com­ing a im­por­tant mem­ber of so­ci­ety in the way you may wish, you are more prob­a­bly shunned, dis­liked, de­spised even hated.

There are peo­ple who feel in­tel­lec­tu­ally im­ma­ture or in­fe­rior. They can never hope to be­come pop­u­lar, re­spected mem­bers of the com­mu­nity. Then there is the type of per­son who says: “Peo­ple have got to take me just as I am. I am not go­ing to al­ter just to suit other peo­ple. I am what I am and that’s it!”

Those who adopt this stub­born at­ti­tude con­sider they are be­ing very hard-headed. Such peo­ple, by re­fus­ing to make any ef­fort to get along with oth­ers build up ill-will that works against them.

You may not want to fol­low the crowd – you may pre­fer to ex­press your own in­di­vid­u­al­ity and a good thing too. You may not en­joy com­pany, but you can never es­cape the fact that you are a so­cial ‘an­i­mal’.

You recog­nise the need to be con­sid­ered im­por­tant. If you try to crush this nat­u­ral in­stinct you do so at your own peril. It may lead to de­gen­er­a­tion of “self” into that much-de­spised mis­an­thrope.

You must keep your mind ac­tive, must de­vote to some­body or some­thing even if it is only an an­i­mal, a gar­den or an ideal. If you wish to be­come more in­ter­est­ing – and there­fore more at­trac­tive per­son­al­ity – you must cul­ti­vate a broader and more tol­er­ant out­look to­wards life, ac­quire knowl­edge con­cern­ing hu­man re­la­tion­ships and to build a sound char­ac­ter and in­tegrity.

Short-cuts to pop­u­lar­ity are al­ways sus­pected. The gen­uine hero and the bank rob­ber are both in­ter­est­ing char­ac­ters in some re­spects, but their fame is short­lived. Short-cuts make crooked rivers and crooked men.

“Log­i­cal con­se­quences are the scare­crows of fools and the bea­cons of wise men,” T. H. Hux­ley. We A happy life is one which is in ac­cor­dance with its own na­ture.

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from India

© PressReader. All rights reserved.