KEY COMPONENTS OF A STRUCTURED PERSONALITY
How to become interesting!
Afractured personality can be converted into a structured one. You succeed in acquiring a personality, which is the envy of others. Which is a plus personality, a positive and endearing personality.
Wipe out negative, black, unpleasant and bitter emotions. Sponge out depressing and discouraging ideas. If you keep your mind filled with bright and pleasant thoughts, these make you outshine others and put you on the path of success.
There are countless people who are so made that they are unable to think pleasant thoughts. Meet them and they recount tales of woe, misery and melancholy. They are misery-manufacturers. They spend most of their time in inflicting misery on others as well as on themselves. They are always medeep in misery!
They unfold stinking accidents, losses, betrayals, intrigues, fraud and adultery. They narrate the ugly, disagreeable the discordant. Rainy days and black clouds make such an impression on them that they make you think that the sun has set for ever, never to rise again. Today, the last day of an era past.
Then, we also have people who think bright. They talk pleasant. They narrate funny stories with sunny endings. Despite setbacks in life, they look on the bright side. The difference between the two kinds mentioned here can be summed up in the two men looking out of bars; one sees mud, the other stars!
That’s the difference between a pessimist and an optimist. The latter’s attitude is reflected in Helen Keller’s words: face the sun and you do not see the shadows.
Some people’s minds are like a junk store – they contain a few very precious, rare things, highly priced. But most others cluttered there are ragtag and rubbish. The only way out is to conduct an occasional, if not frequent, mind-cleaning operation and throw away all junk into the dustbin.
Throw away the mental, intellectual and emotional junk. Do not go through life loaded with meaningless ideas. If you do, you are like an overweight woman who carries say 20 kg of needless fat.
You must have seen a public transport bus, often overloaded with passengers. You are stunned when you see a beautiful woman, well-dressed, savvy and sophisticated almost being crushed from sides by uncouth, rustic, foulmouthing ruffians and drunkards. Why does this happen? Because the conductor makes no effort to see who he is letting in. For him, all are passengers.
This is what happens with our thoughts. We open the portals of the mind and let every kind of thought take seat – the fair and the foul. The mind needs to be disciplined or the mental goons play havoc with your personality. A mind that is sodden with slush can neither be clean nor clear. It can produce only “muddy” thinking.
One conspicuous quality of a clear and clean mind is its ability to
nurse the virtuous and to discard the vicious. Bury everything that cripples your personality before it buries you!
Many of us are able to achieve much-needed satisfying social status without undue effort. Merely by being our natural selves and by living a “normal”, socially acceptable life, we discover that our personality is at least attractive. We are given due credit. We attract acquaintances, develop friendships and also find a satisfying loverelationship.
Some unhappy people fail to attract anybody. They become lonelier and more dejected as the years go by. They avoid fellow human beings, and grow bitter, resentful social outcasts. A few turn to crime as a means of expressing their grudge against life and society, and to satisfy their ego.
Long before this situation reaches this stage, those, who feel themselves generally overlooked or ignored by society, should try to do something positive about it in a healthy and acceptable manner. They should pay special attention to the men and women who appear to be centres of attention.
They will discover that these magnetic personalities are not necessarily brilliant men or beautiful women. They may not even be the “life and soul of the party” type. In fact, the extrovert is often nothing but a stupid bore to many people.
What is the mysterious quality possessed by people who attract attention? To put it simply, they have what may be called interesting personalities. They have that extra something that the majority lacks.
It is not easy to pinpoint this power of attraction, since it comprises a number of qualities. A distinguished physical appearance and good taste in dress are helpful. They can combine to produce a favourable first impression, but this alone is not enough. A person in fashionable clothes and sparkling shoes may compel attention – until he opens his mouth. We wish to avoid his company. That young man with the soft, curly beard may appear to be an unusually interesting character and he may justify our expectations. On the other hand, a few minutes’ conversation may expose him to be a shallow-minded nonentity. First impressions may not always be reliable. Appearance can be deceptive. If you break out of your body you will burst into blooms.
If we aim to make ourselves more interesting and attractive, one very important factor is the quality of one’s voice. What effect does it have upon other people?
We know nothing against a man whom nobody likes. The probable reason for this man’s unpopularity is a strident, nagging voice. If he invited you to his home to dinner he would make it sound as if he had some sinister, ulterior motive.
Perhaps, nobody has ever told this unfortunate man about his voice or, if they have, he thinks it is a trivial matter. But it is not. That voice of his has lost him many potential friends. It has hindered him in business as well as in social life.
Listen to your voice on a taperecorder. The chances are that you will hardly recognise that voice as your own. You may experience a pleasant surprise – or you may be shocked to discover that your voice is (a) dull and monotonous; (b) thin and whining; (c) harsh and dictatorial: (d) weak and hesitant; (e) stilted and unnatural. A pleasant, well-modulated voice goes a long way towards adding interest and attraction to your personality.
ART OF CONVERSATION
Conversation is an art. It has certain fundamental rules and principles which you may not know about and a definite technique which can be studied and adopted. Only to the fortunate few does the power of interesting conversation come naturally.
A number of people, even the highly intelligent, are practically dumb in company. Their brains may be teeming with interesting facts and ideas but unless they can express these thoughts in conversation, they will never be recognised as interesting personalities.
There is a common fault – almost a natural impulse – of talking unduly about oneself. But the art of good conversation should include the other person’s interests.
Another common error made in conversation is that of over-talking to other people. The continuous talker becomes a bore. Nobody can bear a Niagara of words!
There is also the individual called ‘the rag-bag’. This is the person who talks about common place or depressing subjects. The topics are usually the weather, domestic and household troubles, ailments and complaints.
It is only by talking about something new, interesting, refreshing that worthwhile and one can become a good conversationalist and build prestige and an interesting personality.
A minority of politicians and statesmen talk their way to power. Some of them, at times, talk a lot of nonsense. Nevertheless, they often feel deeply about certain affairs, they have something to say, and by their attitude and manner they add power and appeal to their words that sway and convince people, and nations.
This means that you must read, listen, observe, learn all you can about life in general, and be thoroughly conversant with the subject you are speaking about. The art of conversation and public speaking means acquiring knowledge of many topics.
Much can be learned from carefully selected television or radio programmes. There is no excuse for not adding to your general knowledge and the ability to express clearly is a great asset in business and social life.
Are you rude or intolerant? If so, you cannot expect other people to show genuine interest in you. Instead of becoming a important member of society in the way you may wish, you are more probably shunned, disliked, despised even hated.
There are people who feel intellectually immature or inferior. They can never hope to become popular, respected members of the community. Then there is the type of person who says: “People have got to take me just as I am. I am not going to alter just to suit other people. I am what I am and that’s it!”
Those who adopt this stubborn attitude consider they are being very hard-headed. Such people, by refusing to make any effort to get along with others build up ill-will that works against them.
You may not want to follow the crowd – you may prefer to express your own individuality and a good thing too. You may not enjoy company, but you can never escape the fact that you are a social ‘animal’.
You recognise the need to be considered important. If you try to crush this natural instinct you do so at your own peril. It may lead to degeneration of “self” into that much-despised misanthrope.
You must keep your mind active, must devote to somebody or something even if it is only an animal, a garden or an ideal. If you wish to become more interesting – and therefore more attractive personality – you must cultivate a broader and more tolerant outlook towards life, acquire knowledge concerning human relationships and to build a sound character and integrity.
Short-cuts to popularity are always suspected. The genuine hero and the bank robber are both interesting characters in some respects, but their fame is shortlived. Short-cuts make crooked rivers and crooked men.
“Logical consequences are the scarecrows of fools and the beacons of wise men,” T. H. Huxley. We A happy life is one which is in accordance with its own nature.