New year, new love

Why not re­solve to find love in the new year. Claire Sweet­ing­ham of elite match­maker Gray & Far­rar has tips for find­ing your soul­mate

Indonesia Tatler - - Concierge Dating -

Don’t com­pro­mise. The key to find­ing the right, sus­tain­able, and happy and healthy re­la­tion­ship means never hav­ing to com­pro­mise on the im­por­tant things, such as val­ues, moral com­pass and in­tel­lec­tual/ ed­u­ca­tional par­ity. It’s also vi­tal to en­sure that you both have the same goals in life, so be sure to have this con­ver­sa­tion early in the re­la­tion­ship. Op­po­sites most cer­tainly do not at­tract in the long term.

Don’t leave it to fate. In this tech­no­log­i­cal and con­sumer age, we all have in­cred­i­bly busy, transat­lantic lives, and dur­ing the very lit­tle free time we do have, we sim­ply want to recharge our bat­ter­ies and see those clos­est to us. There­fore, the right per­son is not go­ing to come and knock on your door, so be proac­tive. Be your­self. I spend my en­tire life lis­ten­ing to why re­la­tion­ships fail and the re­cur­ring theme is that peo­ple are not be­ing hon­est about all el­e­ments of their char­ac­ter; whether that’s a woman underplaying her ac­com­plish­ments for “fear of scar­ing men off ” or a man be­ing to­tally truth­ful about his feel­ings for fear of be­ing viewed as “soft;” trans­parency is key and is the only foun­da­tion for a last­ing re­la­tion­ship.

Be pos­i­tive, im­pul­sive and spon­ta­neous. Life is an ad­ven­ture, so grip it with both hands and be thank­ful for new ex­pe­ri­ences. If I had to nom­i­nate the big­gest sin­gle thing that my clients tell me they don’t want, it’s to meet some­one who is tired with life and who has lost their sparkle. It’s a cliché, but if you can fo­cus on the pos­i­tives in life as much as pos­si­ble, you will be a mag­net for other sin­gle­tons.

Be open-minded about who you date. So what if he’s two inches shorter than you wanted, or she lives in Mel­bourne and not Sin­ga­pore; these things are eas­ily over­come when the chem­istry is there and val­ues are aligned. With the ad­vent of in­ter­net dat­ing, we have be­come all too used to an al­go­rith­mic ap­proach to meet­ing some­one and this is hav­ing a huge im­pact on how re­la­tion­ships are be­ing formed. And not for the bet­ter. Fall­ing in love is not a bi­nary process and should not be treated as such.

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