Guru Magazine - - CONTENTS -

Get your geek on with us! We’ve trav­elled the four cor­ners of the world and stud­ied un­der the four joke masters. Well maybe we didn’t, but James Lloyd did spend a lot of time find­ing the best geek jokes – just for you.

Think science can’t be funny? Well, here are my favourite science in-jokes that should bring a smile to your face - es­pe­cially if youre a bit of a geek like me... How many Mi­crosoft pro­gram­mers does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to change the bulb, the other to close any win­dows. Why are quan­tum physi­cists so poor at sex? Be­cause when they have the po­si­tion, they can’t find the mo­men­tum, and when they have the mo­men­tum, they can’t find the po­si­tion. Why was the scare­crow so happy? Be­cause he was out­stand­ing in his field. Schrodinger’s cat walks into a bar. And doesn’t... A Higgs bo­son walks into a church, and the priest says: “What are you do­ing here?" The bo­son replies: “What do you mean? You can’t have Mass with­out me!" What do you do with a dead chemist? Bar­ium. Did you hear about the bi­ol­o­gist who had twins? She bap­tised one and kept the other as a con­trol. My physics teacher says my un­der­stand­ing of forces is the worst he’s ever known. Per­son­ally, I think he’s just push­ing my leg.

Do posh ducks emit quarks? What’s the dif­fer­ence be­tween a seal and a sea lion? One elec­tron.

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